SIL constantly escaping her family life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing wrong with being raised by nannies. This country is strange because there is such little family and community support. So instead we buy this help.

It is very hard raising young kids but not doing so is these parents’ loss. I had such hard times with a newborn and a toddler but wouldn’t trade that for the world: they are some of my fondest memories.

I can’t imagine 4 little ones so close in age. Must be overwhelming for her. It’s good she has hired help.

Don’t be so dramatic. This mom 1) takes one camping trip a month 2) has a very part time summer volunteer job 3) works out a lot.

She’s raising her kids. She’s just also taking reasonable time away for herself.

She’s absent more than that:
“She escapes her life at any opportunity … trains for marathons for hours at a time, volunteers at summer camp for several weekends … They have 2x live in help so the kids are cared for but she is around inconsistently, relatively speaking … Neighbors have started to ask why she is on morning walks instead of walking the kids to school, why she isn’t around, etc.”

Marathons require a lot of time commitment, not being around on weekends, live in help doing the caregiving. That’s a lot of absences. Like I said, it’s this mom’s loss. Doing all of that work myself created a very strong bond between me and my kids.

“More than” what? You didn’t add a single thing that wasn’t in my post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing wrong with being raised by nannies. This country is strange because there is such little family and community support. So instead we buy this help.

It is very hard raising young kids but not doing so is these parents’ loss. I had such hard times with a newborn and a toddler but wouldn’t trade that for the world: they are some of my fondest memories.

I can’t imagine 4 little ones so close in age. Must be overwhelming for her. It’s good she has hired help.

Don’t be so dramatic. This mom 1) takes one camping trip a month 2) has a very part time summer volunteer job 3) works out a lot.

She’s raising her kids. She’s just also taking reasonable time away for herself.

I am a SAHM of young kids and very much in favor of SAHPs taking time away for themselves. But the amount of time OP's SIL is spending away from the kids/family seems pretty excessive. You think it's OK for her to be gone 1/4 weekends a year for non-necessary/leisure travel? That's pretty self-centered as a parent of young kids to take that much time for yourself. And it seems she doesn't enjoy the kids/family life. She probably isn't too fond of OP's brother either.

Of course it’s okay to be away 2 days out of 30

No it’s not selfish to spend 6% of your time away. Conversely she is home 94% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing wrong with being raised by nannies. This country is strange because there is such little family and community support. So instead we buy this help.

It is very hard raising young kids but not doing so is these parents’ loss. I had such hard times with a newborn and a toddler but wouldn’t trade that for the world: they are some of my fondest memories.

I can’t imagine 4 little ones so close in age. Must be overwhelming for her. It’s good she has hired help.

Don’t be so dramatic. This mom 1) takes one camping trip a month 2) has a very part time summer volunteer job 3) works out a lot.

She’s raising her kids. She’s just also taking reasonable time away for herself.

She’s absent more than that:
“She escapes her life at any opportunity … trains for marathons for hours at a time, volunteers at summer camp for several weekends … They have 2x live in help so the kids are cared for but she is around inconsistently, relatively speaking … Neighbors have started to ask why she is on morning walks instead of walking the kids to school, why she isn’t around, etc.”

Marathons require a lot of time commitment, not being around on weekends, live in help doing the caregiving. That’s a lot of absences. Like I said, it’s this mom’s loss. Doing all of that work myself created a very strong bond between me and my kids.

“More than” what? You didn’t add a single thing that wasn’t in my post.

If my husband did all of the activities she did, I would consider him an absent dad. She opts to not walk the kids to school but will walk without them. It’s kind of funny how she avoids the family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing wrong with being raised by nannies. This country is strange because there is such little family and community support. So instead we buy this help.

It is very hard raising young kids but not doing so is these parents’ loss. I had such hard times with a newborn and a toddler but wouldn’t trade that for the world: they are some of my fondest memories.

I can’t imagine 4 little ones so close in age. Must be overwhelming for her. It’s good she has hired help.

Don’t be so dramatic. This mom 1) takes one camping trip a month 2) has a very part time summer volunteer job 3) works out a lot.

She’s raising her kids. She’s just also taking reasonable time away for herself.

I am a SAHM of young kids and very much in favor of SAHPs taking time away for themselves. But the amount of time OP's SIL is spending away from the kids/family seems pretty excessive. You think it's OK for her to be gone 1/4 weekends a year for non-necessary/leisure travel? That's pretty self-centered as a parent of young kids to take that much time for yourself. And it seems she doesn't enjoy the kids/family life. She probably isn't too fond of OP's brother either.

Of course it’s okay to be away 2 days out of 30

No it’s not selfish to spend 6% of your time away. Conversely she is home 94% of the time.

Weekends are generally the only time the whole family can be together though. There are 8 weekend family days in most months and SIL is spending 1/4 of that time away from the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing wrong with being raised by nannies. This country is strange because there is such little family and community support. So instead we buy this help.

It is very hard raising young kids but not doing so is these parents’ loss. I had such hard times with a newborn and a toddler but wouldn’t trade that for the world: they are some of my fondest memories.

I can’t imagine 4 little ones so close in age. Must be overwhelming for her. It’s good she has hired help.

Don’t be so dramatic. This mom 1) takes one camping trip a month 2) has a very part time summer volunteer job 3) works out a lot.

She’s raising her kids. She’s just also taking reasonable time away for herself.

I am a SAHM of young kids and very much in favor of SAHPs taking time away for themselves. But the amount of time OP's SIL is spending away from the kids/family seems pretty excessive. You think it's OK for her to be gone 1/4 weekends a year for non-necessary/leisure travel? That's pretty self-centered as a parent of young kids to take that much time for yourself. And it seems she doesn't enjoy the kids/family life. She probably isn't too fond of OP's brother either.

Of course it’s okay to be away 2 days out of 30

No it’s not selfish to spend 6% of your time away. Conversely she is home 94% of the time.

From the description, she spends more than 6% of time away/not mothering because she has the nannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing wrong with being raised by nannies. This country is strange because there is such little family and community support. So instead we buy this help.

It is very hard raising young kids but not doing so is these parents’ loss. I had such hard times with a newborn and a toddler but wouldn’t trade that for the world: they are some of my fondest memories.

I can’t imagine 4 little ones so close in age. Must be overwhelming for her. It’s good she has hired help.

Don’t be so dramatic. This mom 1) takes one camping trip a month 2) has a very part time summer volunteer job 3) works out a lot.

She’s raising her kids. She’s just also taking reasonable time away for herself.

I am a SAHM of young kids and very much in favor of SAHPs taking time away for themselves. But the amount of time OP's SIL is spending away from the kids/family seems pretty excessive. You think it's OK for her to be gone 1/4 weekends a year for non-necessary/leisure travel? That's pretty self-centered as a parent of young kids to take that much time for yourself. And it seems she doesn't enjoy the kids/family life. She probably isn't too fond of OP's brother either.

Of course it’s okay to be away 2 days out of 30

No it’s not selfish to spend 6% of your time away. Conversely she is home 94% of the time.

Weekends are generally the only time the whole family can be together though. There are 8 weekend family days in most months and SIL is spending 1/4 of that time away from the family.

That time with the children at home is so fleeting. I spend every moment I can with them.

[Anonymous]

If a dad spent this much time on his hobbies and fitness, most people would not bat an eye.

Please butt out, OP, unless you want to offer to spend more time with your brother’s kids just because you like them.

BTW, the neighbors are busybodies. Sounds like they enjoy feeling superior as they walk their kids to school and cluck-cluck in judgment when they see SIL running.

I say this as someone who has spent a total
Of 7 nights away from my kid in 10 years and who has never worked out in the morning or really carved out any time for myself…that doesn’t make me a better mother.

[Anonymous]

Eh. It will get better when the kids get older.

[Anonymous]

So- she is out of town for 2 days/month?

And exercises daily?

What a monster! 🙄

[Anonymous]

Has she been screened for PPD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did they get to FOUR kids? That doesn't just happen overnight.

Was she involved and present when there were 1-2 kids? when there were 3?

I don't know how anyone can stay sane with 4 kids under 6.

Yeah, are these quadruplets or two sets of twins?

[Anonymous]

To me, they just sound wealthy (a SAHM + 2x live in help). She doesn’t sound all that unusual for that demographic of moms..yes, they exercise a lot, do volunteer work, and travel. They have more leisure time than most of us…who cares how they spend it? Training for a marathon sounds more productive than plenty of other ways to spend one’s free time.

I must say: how did your brother get himself into this situation if it isn’t what he wanted? He had 4 babies with her, and is paying for live in help x2. Surely she didn’t do all of this herself. 🤣

IMO your brother is most likely just using this as an excuse- probably has other issues with his wife he doesn’t bring up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is none of my business (!), just curious if others have an opinion:

My brother and his wife have four kids <6. She escapes her life at any opportunity: camping with friends at least 1x/month (near & far - car&plane rides away), trains for marathons for hours at a time, volunteers at summer camp for several weekends - all q/o the family. They have 2x live in help so the kids are cared for but she is around inconsistently, relatively speaking. It was clear early that she loooved being pregnant but not the mothering. My brother asks her to stop the trips but she goes anyway. She goes to a women’s group therapy who cheer on her initiative. Neighbors have started to ask why she is on morning walks instead of walking the kids to school, why she isn’t around, etc. He wants to divorce but does not want to not have the kids everyday, he thinks that is what’s best for them. It might be! I’ve not offered any opinion/advice to him (and wouldn’t w/o his explicit request) but wouldn’t it be better to do it while they are young and don’t know any different?

Your sister-in-law, who has 4 little kids, is prioritizing her own mental health. Her kids are cared for and she is taking care of her need. Maybe she does not need to be around her children full time to be a good mother. Maybe your brother should worry less about what the neighbors are saying.

What a load of crap you just posted.

[Anonymous]

OP what is your situation? I think he kind of hints that he wants you to step in? Or am I being crazy.
I am pretty close with my brother and my SIL was pretty absent at times but they only have 2. I have 1, I kind of saw myself stepping in if needed but she wasn’t nearly as absent so it ended up not happening. My brother ended up daddy tracking and her career took off, but I am not sure if it’s because of her evil plan or because he just wasn’t cut out for career advancement.

[Anonymous]

Does she have a job? With 2 live-in nannies, I’d assume she works. Do you have any idea how many hours a day she spends with her kids?