How to talk to 14yo about waiting to have sex

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.


It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.


You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.


No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?


What does this have to do with rules about dating? My child either takes the bus or I drive them. Lol.


You are an idiot. Plenty of kids either walk to school or take public transport. Those would all provide opportunity to a teenager who was so inclined.

So that’s what PP’s question has to do with dating. That your kid does something different (and you really think they couldn’t use time during or around the bus?) doesn’t mean everyone is in the same position.


Kids are not having sex on a bus or while walking to school.


It's almost like you were never a teenager. In the park, in a car, in the woods, under the bleachers, in the high school stairwell after extra curriculars, and especially at church youth group "lock ins" were where many of my friends had their firsts.


Gross, did you do this? At 14?? I never had sex in high school and I think that’s normal? Btw, a 14 year old girl having sex in the stairwell is horrific so please don’t normalize that. You would be heartbroken if that happened to your child.


So because *you* think it's normal that means it's normal???
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Sex has nothing to do with “morals.”


Unless we’re talking about victims of abuse, of course it does. Btw, I will add that many kids who engage in early sex ARE victims of abuse.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.


It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.


You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.


No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?


What does this have to do with rules about dating? My child either takes the bus or I drive them. Lol.


You are an idiot. Plenty of kids either walk to school or take public transport. Those would all provide opportunity to a teenager who was so inclined.

So that’s what PP’s question has to do with dating. That your kid does something different (and you really think they couldn’t use time during or around the bus?) doesn’t mean everyone is in the same position.


Kids are not having sex on a bus or while walking to school.


It's almost like you were never a teenager. In the park, in a car, in the woods, under the bleachers, in the high school stairwell after extra curriculars, and especially at church youth group "lock ins" were where many of my friends had their firsts.


Gross, did you do this? At 14?? I never had sex in high school and I think that’s normal? Btw, a 14 year old girl having sex in the stairwell is horrific so please don’t normalize that. You would be heartbroken if that happened to your child.


So because *you* think it's normal that means it's normal???


My experience was normal. Haven’t you read data on teen sex. It is highly uncommon for 14 year olds to have sex. They WILL be talked about at school. It WILL be humiliating. It is NOT something I would be “open” about as a parent.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.


It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.


You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.


No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?


What does this have to do with rules about dating? My child either takes the bus or I drive them. Lol.


You are an idiot. Plenty of kids either walk to school or take public transport. Those would all provide opportunity to a teenager who was so inclined.

So that’s what PP’s question has to do with dating. That your kid does something different (and you really think they couldn’t use time during or around the bus?) doesn’t mean everyone is in the same position.


Kids are not having sex on a bus or while walking to school.


It's almost like you were never a teenager. In the park, in a car, in the woods, under the bleachers, in the high school stairwell after extra curriculars, and especially at church youth group "lock ins" were where many of my friends had their firsts.


Gross, did you do this? At 14?? I never had sex in high school and I think that’s normal? Btw, a 14 year old girl having sex in the stairwell is horrific so please don’t normalize that. You would be heartbroken if that happened to your child.


So because *you* think it's normal that means it's normal???


My experience was normal. Haven’t you read data on teen sex. It is highly uncommon for 14 year olds to have sex. They WILL be talked about at school. It WILL be humiliating. It is NOT something I would be “open” about as a parent.


And when I say “open” I mean I wouldn’t be okay with it. My 15 year old and I are very open, lots of conversations, but we both think early sex is rather sad.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DD has bf of 6 months. First one. She’s fallen pretty hard for him. The feelings are definitely mutual. He is a good kid but I think they are engaging in at least some sexual activity and it’s going to progress. I have covered the birth control issue with her constantly - talked about it even before she had a bf. Talked about trust and self respect. I believe 14 is too young for sex. I talk about the emotional toll it can have on a girl in a new and young relationship, especially when that relationship eventually ends. Help. I need more to say about why to wait.


OP make sure you go over consent. And how it can be revoked at ANY time. And how blue balls aren't a reason for him to make you keep going.


+1

Plus birth control is both individuals' responsibility. If her bf is not wearing a condom, then he is trying to conceive.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.


It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.


You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.


No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?


What does this have to do with rules about dating? My child either takes the bus or I drive them. Lol.


You are an idiot. Plenty of kids either walk to school or take public transport. Those would all provide opportunity to a teenager who was so inclined.

So that’s what PP’s question has to do with dating. That your kid does something different (and you really think they couldn’t use time during or around the bus?) doesn’t mean everyone is in the same position.


Kids are not having sex on a bus or while walking to school.


It's almost like you were never a teenager. In the park, in a car, in the woods, under the bleachers, in the high school stairwell after extra curriculars, and especially at church youth group "lock ins" were where many of my friends had their firsts.


Gross, did you do this? At 14?? I never had sex in high school and I think that’s normal? Btw, a 14 year old girl having sex in the stairwell is horrific so please don’t normalize that. You would be heartbroken if that happened to your child.


So because *you* think it's normal that means it's normal???


My experience was normal. Haven’t you read data on teen sex. It is highly uncommon for 14 year olds to have sex. They WILL be talked about at school. It WILL be humiliating. It is NOT something I would be “open” about as a parent.


Is that true, or false? (or just your own personal opinion, PP).

Let’s check. Luckily, the schools track this, and compile scientific statistical evidence:

https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/data/sites/data...fax_8_12th_final.pdf


“ ranging from 2.4% of eighth‐grade students to 25.0% on of twelfth‐grade students. Male students were more likely to report having had sexual intercourse in their lifetime (12.3% compared to 11.4% of female students). ”


So, PP, if you look at 10th graders (roughly age 14) , 33% had had sex nationally (ie - in America).

Not exactly “highly uncommon.”

You are wrong.

But in local schools, it’s just 10%. A little closer to your “highly uncommon” opinion.


Table 80. Percentage of Students Who Have Had Sexual Intercourse in Their Lifetime, by Grade, Fairfax County and U.S., 2013, 2015, 2017, 2019 and 2021
2013 FCPS USa
10th 16.1 41.4
2015 FCPS USa
13.9 35.7
2017 2019 2021 FCPS USa FCPS USa
14.1 36.2 14.3 33.6
(Values are percentages)
FCPS USa
Grade
12th
38.1 64.1
34.9 58.1
34.7 57.3
Note. All percentages were calculated from valid cases (missing responses were not included).
aUS (national) data are from the Youth Risk Behavior Survey, which is conducted in odd‐numbered years only (CDC, n.d.; Kann et al., 2014, 2016, 2018). The national data are not available for 8th grade and are not comparable by gender or race/ethnicity.
‐‐ Youth Risk Behavior Survey data from the 2021 survey were not available at the time of this report.”


By the way, PP :

- in which country did you grow up?

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.


It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.


You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.


No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?


What does this have to do with rules about dating? My child either takes the bus or I drive them. Lol.


You are an idiot. Plenty of kids either walk to school or take public transport. Those would all provide opportunity to a teenager who was so inclined.

So that’s what PP’s question has to do with dating. That your kid does something different (and you really think they couldn’t use time during or around the bus?) doesn’t mean everyone is in the same position.


Kids are not having sex on a bus or while walking to school.


It's almost like you were never a teenager. In the park, in a car, in the woods, under the bleachers, in the high school stairwell after extra curriculars, and especially at church youth group "lock ins" were where many of my friends had their firsts.


Gross, did you do this? At 14?? I never had sex in high school and I think that’s normal? Btw, a 14 year old girl having sex in the stairwell is horrific so please don’t normalize that. You would be heartbroken if that happened to your child.


So because *you* think it's normal that means it's normal???


My experience was normal. Haven’t you read data on teen sex. It is highly uncommon for 14 year olds to have sex. They WILL be talked about at school. It WILL be humiliating. It is NOT something I would be “open” about as a parent.


Is that true, or false? (or just your own personal opinion, PP).

Let’s check. Luckily, the schools track this, and compile scientific statistical evidence:

https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/data/sites/data...fax_8_12th_final.pdf


“ ranging from 2.4% of eighth‐grade students to 25.0% on of twelfth‐grade students. Male students were more likely to report having had sexual intercourse in their lifetime (12.3% compared to 11.4% of female students). ”


So, PP, if you look at 10th graders (roughly age 14) , 33% had had sex nationally (ie - in America).

Not exactly “highly uncommon.”

You are wrong.

But in local schools, it’s just 10%. A little closer to your “highly uncommon” opinion.


Table 80. Percentage of Students Who Have Had Sexual Intercourse in Their Lifetime, by Grade, Fairfax County and U.S., 2013, 2015, 2017, 2019 and 2021
2013 FCPS USa
10th 16.1 41.4
2015 FCPS USa
13.9 35.7
2017 2019 2021 FCPS USa FCPS USa
14.1 36.2 14.3 33.6
(Values are percentages)
FCPS USa
Grade
12th
38.1 64.1
34.9 58.1
34.7 57.3
Note. All percentages were calculated from valid cases (missing responses were not included).
aUS (national) data are from the Youth Risk Behavior Survey, which is conducted in odd‐numbered years only (CDC, n.d.; Kann et al., 2014, 2016, 2018). The national data are not available for 8th grade and are not comparable by gender or race/ethnicity.
‐‐ Youth Risk Behavior Survey data from the 2021 survey were not available at the time of this report.”


By the way, PP :

- in which country did you grow up?



I grew up in America 🙄 what’s your point by asking?

14 year olds are 8th and 9th graders! Good lord. 10th graders are 15/16.
Anonymous
Why would anyone think that it's normal or good for 14 year olds to have sex?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone think that it's normal or good for 14 year olds to have sex?


Nobody thinks that. Rather, you need to acknowledge that they might have sex anyway, and if they do, you don’t want them to get pregnant or get an STD.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sex has nothing to do with “morals.”


Unless we’re talking about victims of abuse, of course it does. Btw, I will add that many kids who engage in early sex ARE victims of abuse.


I will repeat what PP said. Sex has nothing to do with morals. You make it that way in your head for various f-ed up reasons but it doesn't.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone think that it's normal or good for 14 year olds to have sex?


Nobody thinks that. Rather, you need to acknowledge that they might have sex anyway, and if they do, you don’t want them to get pregnant or get an STD.


Exactly! None of us are saying it's good for them to have sex at 14 FFS. We are just being realistic about the possibility that they might. They need to know about what happens when you have sex.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone think that it's normal or good for 14 year olds to have sex?


What “anyone thinks is normal” is entirely irrelevant to what ACTUALLY occurring in our children’s schools.

Go to Figure 80 at the link to the report on our schools, at the link above.

BTW, the report also has info on local & national teens’ prevalence of oral sex, which some people believe *is* sex. It’s a government report.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone think that it's normal or good for 14 year olds to have sex?


Nobody thinks that. Rather, you need to acknowledge that they might have sex anyway, and if they do, you don’t want them to get pregnant or get an STD.


Sadly, the public lashing "fast" girls take is more immediate and devastating than sti or pregnancy, both of which can be dealt with easily. The social/emotional aftermath, not so much.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone think that it's normal or good for 14 year olds to have sex?


Nobody thinks that. Rather, you need to acknowledge that they might have sex anyway, and if they do, you don’t want them to get pregnant or get an STD.


Sadly, the public lashing "fast" girls take is more immediate and devastating than sti or pregnancy, both of which can be dealt with easily. The social/emotional aftermath, not so much.


and you are your daughter would be the first in line to do it.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone think that it's normal or good for 14 year olds to have sex?


Nobody thinks that. Rather, you need to acknowledge that they might have sex anyway, and if they do, you don’t want them to get pregnant or get an STD.


Sadly, the public lashing "fast" girls take is more immediate and devastating than sti or pregnancy, both of which can be dealt with easily. The social/emotional aftermath, not so much.


and you are your daughter would be the first in line to do it.

Nope. I was that 14yo who had sex with my "great" boyfriend, who then told everyone. He then started acting psycho and began abusing me. He later stalked me. This was in the late 80's before internet, cell phones and social media. Try to imagine how it would be in this day and age.
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