How to talk to 14yo about waiting to have sex

[Anonymous]

IUD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What opportunities does she have to be alone with this bf? That is what I would focus on. Remove the opportunities where she has to make a decision. Connect with the parent of the boyfriend and have a conversation about what’s okay and what’s not okay: No time in a bedroom with closed door, no time at home without another adult present, etc. Of course, kids will figure out how to be alone if they’re dead set on making it happen. That doesn’t mean the adults aren’t obligated to make it as difficult as possible.

What 14 year old never stays home alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What opportunities does she have to be alone with this bf? That is what I would focus on. Remove the opportunities where she has to make a decision. Connect with the parent of the boyfriend and have a conversation about what’s okay and what’s not okay: No time in a bedroom with closed door, no time at home without another adult present, etc. Of course, kids will figure out how to be alone if they’re dead set on making it happen. That doesn’t mean the adults aren’t obligated to make it as difficult as possible.

What 14 year old never stays home alone?

Not this PP but I think what they mean is 14 year old can’t be home alone in the house with the boyfriend.

Which I agree with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I plan to tell my DD that young sex is mostly what poor girls do, or girls without fathers, and she is too classy for that and needs to conduct herself in a way that she will not be embarrassed for herself later on or look like trash to potential husbands. It's very low class. That's what I will include in my speech.

Lordy. I work in a Title 1 high school and there were more girls at my private HS who got pregnant than at the school I work at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I plan to tell my DD that young sex is mostly what poor girls do, or girls without fathers, and she is too classy for that and needs to conduct herself in a way that she will not be embarrassed for herself later on or look like trash to potential husbands. It's very low class. That's what I will include in my speech.

Lordy. I work in a Title 1 high school and there were more girls at my private HS who got pregnant than at the school I work at.

Sure, that happened. lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What opportunities does she have to be alone with this bf? That is what I would focus on. Remove the opportunities where she has to make a decision. Connect with the parent of the boyfriend and have a conversation about what’s okay and what’s not okay: No time in a bedroom with closed door, no time at home without another adult present, etc. Of course, kids will figure out how to be alone if they’re dead set on making it happen. That doesn’t mean the adults aren’t obligated to make it as difficult as possible.

Exactly!

My 14 year old son has a girlfriend and they don’t have opportunities for things to happen. I suppose he could sneak her in when he’s home alone, but, we’d kill him and so would her parents. Plus it’s hard to arrange sneaking around when you aren’t old enough to drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I plan to tell my DD that young sex is mostly what poor girls do, or girls without fathers, and she is too classy for that and needs to conduct herself in a way that she will not be embarrassed for herself later on or look like trash to potential husbands. It's very low class. That's what I will include in my speech.

My DD doesn't have a father and I didn't know this! Thank you, I will definitely let her know that young sex is what girls like her do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What opportunities does she have to be alone with this bf? That is what I would focus on. Remove the opportunities where she has to make a decision. Connect with the parent of the boyfriend and have a conversation about what’s okay and what’s not okay: No time in a bedroom with closed door, no time at home without another adult present, etc. Of course, kids will figure out how to be alone if they’re dead set on making it happen. That doesn’t mean the adults aren’t obligated to make it as difficult as possible.

Exactly!

My 14 year old son has a girlfriend and they don’t have opportunities for things to happen. I suppose he could sneak her in when he’s home alone, but, we’d kill him and so would her parents. Plus it’s hard to arrange sneaking around when you aren’t old enough to drive.

hahaah. I don't understand how parents can be so naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What opportunities does she have to be alone with this bf? That is what I would focus on. Remove the opportunities where she has to make a decision. Connect with the parent of the boyfriend and have a conversation about what’s okay and what’s not okay: No time in a bedroom with closed door, no time at home without another adult present, etc. Of course, kids will figure out how to be alone if they’re dead set on making it happen. That doesn’t mean the adults aren’t obligated to make it as difficult as possible.

Exactly!

My 14 year old son has a girlfriend and they don’t have opportunities for things to happen. I suppose he could sneak her in when he’s home alone, but, we’d kill him and so would her parents. Plus it’s hard to arrange sneaking around when you aren’t old enough to drive.

Yes, parents like to live in the burbs because it’s easier to control your kids that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What opportunities does she have to be alone with this bf? That is what I would focus on. Remove the opportunities where she has to make a decision. Connect with the parent of the boyfriend and have a conversation about what’s okay and what’s not okay: No time in a bedroom with closed door, no time at home without another adult present, etc. Of course, kids will figure out how to be alone if they’re dead set on making it happen. That doesn’t mean the adults aren’t obligated to make it as difficult as possible.

Exactly!

My 14 year old son has a girlfriend and they don’t have opportunities for things to happen. I suppose he could sneak her in when he’s home alone, but, we’d kill him and so would her parents. Plus it’s hard to arrange sneaking around when you aren’t old enough to drive.

Does your child have two legs that work?

[Anonymous]

We talk a lot about consent and respect, and how it needs to be YES from both people. I internally struggle with telling my teen outright that they are too young, because I do want them to have a healthy future sex life. I don't want them to think I'm policing their sexuality. BUT I do think keeping the conversation focused on your trust with your kid, birth control, and consent, respect, and YES from both people is likely the best route. I'm thinking about the long game with this one. But it is definitely tough at 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I plan to tell my DD that young sex is mostly what poor girls do, or girls without fathers, and she is too classy for that and needs to conduct herself in a way that she will not be embarrassed for herself later on or look like trash to potential husbands. It's very low class. That's what I will include in my speech.

Wow. This is an offensive way of looking at things.

I do think it’s worth pointing out to a daughter that the world treats a sexually active young girl much differently than a sexually active young boy. Complete double standard that has not changed at all. Sad reality is these kids don’t have the maturity to keep this to themselves if anything happens and all their peers will be talking about it (and maybe already are). I can remember who these girls were in my day and my kids talk to me and they know who these kids are today and the girls are the ones who get gossiped about. (And yes I point this out to my kids and say it’s wrong.)

Also, she should be prepared for all his friends to know about it and to discuss it with their friends, some of whom will think your dd is a sl_t. Girls will treat her terribly and boys will say and do disgusting things to her. This happens when there is even a rumor, imagine how bad it will be when it's true.

True, all of what the PPs are saying are true, offensive or not. Personally, I would say, no boyfriend at 14. Sorry, not sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I plan to tell my DD that young sex is mostly what poor girls do, or girls without fathers, and she is too classy for that and needs to conduct herself in a way that she will not be embarrassed for herself later on or look like trash to potential husbands. It's very low class. That's what I will include in my speech.

Wow. This is an offensive way of looking at things.

I do think it’s worth pointing out to a daughter that the world treats a sexually active young girl much differently than a sexually active young boy. Complete double standard that has not changed at all. Sad reality is these kids don’t have the maturity to keep this to themselves if anything happens and all their peers will be talking about it (and maybe already are). I can remember who these girls were in my day and my kids talk to me and they know who these kids are today and the girls are the ones who get gossiped about. (And yes I point this out to my kids and say it’s wrong.)

Also, she should be prepared for all his friends to know about it and to discuss it with their friends, some of whom will think your dd is a sl_t. Girls will treat her terribly and boys will say and do disgusting things to her. This happens when there is even a rumor, imagine how bad it will be when it's true.

True, all of what the PPs are saying are true, offensive or not. Personally, I would say, no boyfriend at 14. Sorry, not sorry.

You cannot stop your DD from having sex. You can, and should, limit DD’s opportunity to. In addition to that, get her on long-term contraception & educate her about sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What opportunities does she have to be alone with this bf? That is what I would focus on. Remove the opportunities where she has to make a decision. Connect with the parent of the boyfriend and have a conversation about what’s okay and what’s not okay: No time in a bedroom with closed door, no time at home without another adult present, etc. Of course, kids will figure out how to be alone if they’re dead set on making it happen. That doesn’t mean the adults aren’t obligated to make it as difficult as possible.

Agree with this. At 14, especially not being able to drive and if one parent SAH/WAH, I imagine it is hard to be sexually active if parents are vigilant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What opportunities does she have to be alone with this bf? That is what I would focus on. Remove the opportunities where she has to make a decision. Connect with the parent of the boyfriend and have a conversation about what’s okay and what’s not okay: No time in a bedroom with closed door, no time at home without another adult present, etc. Of course, kids will figure out how to be alone if they’re dead set on making it happen. That doesn’t mean the adults aren’t obligated to make it as difficult as possible.

Agree with this. At 14, especially not being able to drive and if one parent SAH/WAH, I imagine it is hard to be sexually active if parents are vigilant

Do you live in the city?