How to talk to 14yo about waiting to have sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12:23 again, and for those of you saying never give them an opportunity to be alone - do you work? We both do. Our kids are alone every day after school. We aren’t going to quit our jobs.

I know that was a common time for me and my siblings to be at home alone with significant others, right after school while our parents were still at work.

Yes people work. It’s unrealistic to watch a teen 24-7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A child psychologist i know says tell your kids your values and how to think about these kinds of decisions in 5th grade. They’re old enough for complicated topics but young enough to internalize your values without rebelling. If you wait until they’re teens they’re listening to peers not to you. Tell your tweens how you hope they go about deciding when the time is right for them.

I agree. And I think this applies to drug use, vaping and alcohol as well. It doesn’t need to be a forever thing either. I understand my kids will have sex one day, and drink alcohol and likely try drugs, but the whole idea is putting it off. Kids who have sex young or start using drugs young have a much different outcome thus those who first do it as an older teenager.

I regularly talk about our values, and I remind my daughters of all the exciting things ahead of them in life and how drugs, early sex can snatch it all away. We’re not religious so it’s not at all wrapped up in some purity myth. But it’s about making good choices, protecting yourself, and being healthy.

[Anonymous]

Show her images of a chastity belt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I plan to tell my DD that young sex is mostly what poor girls do, or girls without fathers, and she is too classy for that and needs to conduct herself in a way that she will not be embarrassed for herself later on or look like trash to potential husbands. It's very low class. That's what I will include in my speech.

Shut up, you disgusting troll. Judging from your comment, you’re the one with no class. Yikes. I’ve seen better behavior and ethics from poor people than people with money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I plan to tell my DD that young sex is mostly what poor girls do, or girls without fathers, and she is too classy for that and needs to conduct herself in a way that she will not be embarrassed for herself later on or look like trash to potential husbands. It's very low class. That's what I will include in my speech.

Don't fall for the TROLL BAIT. This post is so obviously written to ruffle feathers - ignore it. While there are probably plenty of people in the DMV who think this way, even on an anonymous board no one would say it unless they wanted to get their popcorn out and watch everyone freak out.

Ignore them. That's the only way to make trolls wither and die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is why the US has the highest teen pregnancy rates in the developed world. No understanding of the importance of openness, birth control & sex education.

Yep.

Tons of stupid parents in this thread, with their “well, MY daughter would NEVER!” aloof attitudes.

Guess most of them just need to find out the hard way.

This is strange to me. I didn't have sex until I got married. My DD is raised similarly to how I was. The only difference is I am very open about all of this, and my parents were not. I don't expect my DD to wait until marriage but I also don't expect her to have sex in HS.

+1 Finally, we have some common sense!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing my mother could have said that would have changed any of my behavior as a teen. I tuned her out. All it did was make me not want to talk to her because she was always lecturing about reasons to wait.

I have a teen son and daughter now. Neither are dating anyone but I discuss consent, safe sex, being careful in situations, being in groups/possibly under the influence and all sorts of things. I hope they wait a long time and are not under the influence of anything but we are realistic and want them to be prepared for anything.

DH and I talk about when it’s time to put a bunch of condoms in the bathroom for anyone to take. We haven’t yet but don’t know if we should. We don’t want to encourage sex but know the lecture and wait approach used by our parents didn’t work.

Omg. Just no.