How to talk to 14yo about waiting to have sex

[Anonymous]

DD has bf of 6 months. First one. She’s fallen pretty hard for him. The feelings are definitely mutual. He is a good kid but I think they are engaging in at least some sexual activity and it’s going to progress. I have covered the birth control issue with her constantly - talked about it even before she had a bf. Talked about trust and self respect. I believe 14 is too young for sex. I talk about the emotional toll it can have on a girl in a new and young relationship, especially when that relationship eventually ends. Help. I need more to say about why to wait.

[Anonymous]

What is she saying in response to this? As much effort as you’re putting into finding the right thing to say has to also go to listening without judgment. Also, what is her self-esteem like? Does she have things she cares about like sports, excelling in school, caring friends, hobbies?

[Anonymous]

Yikes! Yes 14 way too young.

I would really do everything possible to make sure they don’t have opportunity. Which I know is not fully possible but just make it challenging. Kids that age should be hanging out in groups if dating.

[Anonymous]

There is a sex education person named Amy Lang (based in Seattle I think) that has a company called Birds and Bees and Kids. She has a lot of scripts for parents to have conversations with their kids about sex. I have used them with my DS (though not for this particular topic yet). Might want to look around her website or FB page. I highly recommend.

[Anonymous]

I plan to tell my DD that young sex is mostly what poor girls do, or girls without fathers, and she is too classy for that and needs to conduct herself in a way that she will not be embarrassed for herself later on or look like trash to potential husbands. It's very low class. That's what I will include in my speech.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know but I would stay far away from any “purity” stuff and make sure she knows that if she starts, she can stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I plan to tell my DD that young sex is mostly what poor girls do, or girls without fathers, and she is too classy for that and needs to conduct herself in a way that she will not be embarrassed for herself later on or look like trash to potential husbands. It's very low class. That's what I will include in my speech.

You're a horrible person. And also it won't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD has bf of 6 months. First one. She’s fallen pretty hard for him. The feelings are definitely mutual. He is a good kid but I think they are engaging in at least some sexual activity and it’s going to progress. I have covered the birth control issue with her constantly - talked about it even before she had a bf. Talked about trust and self respect. I believe 14 is too young for sex. I talk about the emotional toll it can have on a girl in a new and young relationship, especially when that relationship eventually ends. Help. I need more to say about why to wait.

OP make sure you go over consent. And how it can be revoked at ANY time. And how blue balls aren't a reason for him to make you keep going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I plan to tell my DD that young sex is mostly what poor girls do, or girls without fathers, and she is too classy for that and needs to conduct herself in a way that she will not be embarrassed for herself later on or look like trash to potential husbands. It's very low class. That's what I will include in my speech.

Wow. This is an offensive way of looking at things.

I do think it’s worth pointing out to a daughter that the world treats a sexually active young girl much differently than a sexually active young boy. Complete double standard that has not changed at all. Sad reality is these kids don’t have the maturity to keep this to themselves if anything happens and all their peers will be talking about it (and maybe already are). I can remember who these girls were in my day and my kids talk to me and they know who these kids are today and the girls are the ones who get gossiped about. (And yes I point this out to my kids and say it’s wrong.)

[Anonymous]

I would 100% put her on birth control. I know you covered it, but I would be proactive and make an appointment to get her some type since you believe they are doing sexual things now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD has bf of 6 months. First one. She’s fallen pretty hard for him. The feelings are definitely mutual. He is a good kid but I think they are engaging in at least some sexual activity and it’s going to progress. I have covered the birth control issue with her constantly - talked about it even before she had a bf. Talked about trust and self respect. I believe 14 is too young for sex. I talk about the emotional toll it can have on a girl in a new and young relationship, especially when that relationship eventually ends. Help. I need more to say about why to wait.

Maybe she feels pressured? Not saying for sure but,you can tell her just because her bf wants it she can say no. Sometimes girls feel that if they are dating they have to give in ( not always but, sometimes)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I plan to tell my DD that young sex is mostly what poor girls do, or girls without fathers, and she is too classy for that and needs to conduct herself in a way that she will not be embarrassed for herself later on or look like trash to potential husbands. It's very low class. That's what I will include in my speech.

Wow. This is an offensive way of looking at things.

I do think it’s worth pointing out to a daughter that the world treats a sexually active young girl much differently than a sexually active young boy. Complete double standard that has not changed at all. Sad reality is these kids don’t have the maturity to keep this to themselves if anything happens and all their peers will be talking about it (and maybe already are). I can remember who these girls were in my day and my kids talk to me and they know who these kids are today and the girls are the ones who get gossiped about. (And yes I point this out to my kids and say it’s wrong.)

Also, she should be prepared for all his friends to know about it and to discuss it with their friends, some of whom will think your dd is a sl_t. Girls will treat her terribly and boys will say and do disgusting things to her. This happens when there is even a rumor, imagine how bad it will be when it's true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I plan to tell my DD that young sex is mostly what poor girls do, or girls without fathers, and she is too classy for that and needs to conduct herself in a way that she will not be embarrassed for herself later on or look like trash to potential husbands. It's very low class. That's what I will include in my speech.

You're a horrible person. And also it won't work.

No, I'm just an average native Washingtonian who wants my daughter to do better than me.

[Anonymous]

What opportunities does she have to be alone with this bf? That is what I would focus on. Remove the opportunities where she has to make a decision. Connect with the parent of the boyfriend and have a conversation about what’s okay and what’s not okay: No time in a bedroom with closed door, no time at home without another adult present, etc. Of course, kids will figure out how to be alone if they’re dead set on making it happen. That doesn’t mean the adults aren’t obligated to make it as difficult as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I plan to tell my DD that young sex is mostly what poor girls do, or girls without fathers, and she is too classy for that and needs to conduct herself in a way that she will not be embarrassed for herself later on or look like trash to potential husbands. It's very low class. That's what I will include in my speech.

Wow. This is an offensive way of looking at things.

I do think it’s worth pointing out to a daughter that the world treats a sexually active young girl much differently than a sexually active young boy. Complete double standard that has not changed at all. Sad reality is these kids don’t have the maturity to keep this to themselves if anything happens and all their peers will be talking about it (and maybe already are). I can remember who these girls were in my day and my kids talk to me and they know who these kids are today and the girls are the ones who get gossiped about. (And yes I point this out to my kids and say it’s wrong.)

Also, she should be prepared for all his friends to know about it and to discuss it with their friends, some of whom will think your dd is a sl_t. Girls will treat her terribly and boys will say and do disgusting things to her. This happens when there is even a rumor, imagine how bad it will be when it's true.

I am the PP and this is true. It’s awful. ☹️☹️☹️