How to talk to 14yo about waiting to have sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are families who teach waiting until marriage or at least until in a stable loving long term relationship as adults. Not high school. Those are absolutely morals. I was taught to wait. I also wasn’t given opportunities to date at 14. All of this helped.

Sure, teach your kid that, and also put them on BC (preferably an IUD), keep an open line of communication with them & educate them about STDs & pregnancy.

I think it’s weird to proactively have your 14 year old daughter get an iud in case she has sex. I think it sends the message that you’re okay with her not waiting until she’s older than 14. And I think it’s probably more likely that her boyfriend won’t use a condom.

I think it’s very smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are families who teach waiting until marriage or at least until in a stable loving long term relationship as adults. Not high school. Those are absolutely morals. I was taught to wait. I also wasn’t given opportunities to date at 14. All of this helped.

Sure, teach your kid that, and also put them on BC (preferably an IUD), keep an open line of communication with them & educate them about STDs & pregnancy.

I think it’s weird to proactively have your 14 year old daughter get an iud in case she has sex. I think it sends the message that you’re okay with her not waiting until she’s older than 14. And I think it’s probably more likely that her boyfriend won’t use a condom.

I think it’s very smart.

Well of course you do. You’re one of those parents.

Do you also think kids need practice with alcohol in a safe environment (aka your home) before college, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone think that it's normal or good for 14 year olds to have sex?

Nobody thinks that. Rather, you need to acknowledge that they might have sex anyway, and if they do, you don’t want them to get pregnant or get an STD.

This is a dumb argument.

Listen my kid has a friend whose parents are wishy washy about sex. They give their kid mixed messages, and she has plenty of opportunities to have sex with her boyfriend. They hang out in the bedroom with the door closed, and spend a lot of alone time together. I’m sure the mom is open about sex, pregnancy and BC. But so what??? Open line of communication means nothing when the door is shut.

I have an open line of communication with my kid, but there are no boys in my daughters bedroom. I think that’s a better model, but you do you….

There will be boys in your daughter’s bed with the door closed soon after she enters college in under 4 years.

That is simply the reality for nearly all college bound girls in the USA.

This is why education on the benefits of condoms is crucial, and it needs to happen long before 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone think that it's normal or good for 14 year olds to have sex?

Nobody thinks that. Rather, you need to acknowledge that they might have sex anyway, and if they do, you don’t want them to get pregnant or get an STD.

This is a dumb argument.

Listen my kid has a friend whose parents are wishy washy about sex. They give their kid mixed messages, and she has plenty of opportunities to have sex with her boyfriend. They hang out in the bedroom with the door closed, and spend a lot of alone time together. I’m sure the mom is open about sex, pregnancy and BC. But so what??? Open line of communication means nothing when the door is shut.

I have an open line of communication with my kid, but there are no boys in my daughters bedroom. I think that’s a better model, but you do you….

There will be boys in your daughter’s bed with the door closed soon after she enters college in under 4 years.

That is simply the reality for nearly all college bound girls in the USA.

This is why education on the benefits of condoms is crucial, and it needs to happen long before 18.

Sure, but I still wouldn’t allow dating and sex at 14. Or get my 14 yr old and IUD. I feel like a total parental failure if my 14 yr old DD felt low enough about herself to be having sex in a closet, the bushes, on a school bus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone think that it's normal or good for 14 year olds to have sex?

Nobody thinks that. Rather, you need to acknowledge that they might have sex anyway, and if they do, you don’t want them to get pregnant or get an STD.

This is a dumb argument.

Listen my kid has a friend whose parents are wishy washy about sex. They give their kid mixed messages, and she has plenty of opportunities to have sex with her boyfriend. They hang out in the bedroom with the door closed, and spend a lot of alone time together. I’m sure the mom is open about sex, pregnancy and BC. But so what??? Open line of communication means nothing when the door is shut.

I have an open line of communication with my kid, but there are no boys in my daughters bedroom. I think that’s a better model, but you do you….

There will be boys in your daughter’s bed with the door closed soon after she enters college in under 4 years.

That is simply the reality for nearly all college bound girls in the USA.

This is why education on the benefits of condoms is crucial, and it needs to happen long before 18.

Sure, but I still wouldn’t allow dating and sex at 14. Or get my 14 yr old and IUD. I feel like a total parental failure if my 14 yr old DD felt low enough about herself to be having sex in a closet, the bushes, on a school bus.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone think that it's normal or good for 14 year olds to have sex?

Nobody thinks that. Rather, you need to acknowledge that they might have sex anyway, and if they do, you don’t want them to get pregnant or get an STD.

This is a dumb argument.

Listen my kid has a friend whose parents are wishy washy about sex. They give their kid mixed messages, and she has plenty of opportunities to have sex with her boyfriend. They hang out in the bedroom with the door closed, and spend a lot of alone time together. I’m sure the mom is open about sex, pregnancy and BC. But so what??? Open line of communication means nothing when the door is shut.

I have an open line of communication with my kid, but there are no boys in my daughters bedroom. I think that’s a better model, but you do you….

There will be boys in your daughter’s bed with the door closed soon after she enters college in under 4 years.

That is simply the reality for nearly all college bound girls in the USA.

This is why education on the benefits of condoms is crucial, and it needs to happen long before 18.

Not necessarily. In my friend group at college we weren’t like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone think that it's normal or good for 14 year olds to have sex?

Nobody thinks that. Rather, you need to acknowledge that they might have sex anyway, and if they do, you don’t want them to get pregnant or get an STD.

This is a dumb argument.

Listen my kid has a friend whose parents are wishy washy about sex. They give their kid mixed messages, and she has plenty of opportunities to have sex with her boyfriend. They hang out in the bedroom with the door closed, and spend a lot of alone time together. I’m sure the mom is open about sex, pregnancy and BC. But so what??? Open line of communication means nothing when the door is shut.

I have an open line of communication with my kid, but there are no boys in my daughters bedroom. I think that’s a better model, but you do you….

There will be boys in your daughter’s bed with the door closed soon after she enters college in under 4 years.

That is simply the reality for nearly all college bound girls in the USA.

This is why education on the benefits of condoms is crucial, and it needs to happen long before 18.

PP here….dang another dumb argument. Lol. Don’t you think there’s a difference between a 14 year old girl and an 18 year old woman? Do you have daughters? You seem so clueless! Why would I act like my 9th grader is a college student? Why would I create household rules that treat her like a college student when she is a young, sweet, innocent kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone think that it's normal or good for 14 year olds to have sex?

Nobody thinks that. Rather, you need to acknowledge that they might have sex anyway, and if they do, you don’t want them to get pregnant or get an STD.

This is a dumb argument.

Listen my kid has a friend whose parents are wishy washy about sex. They give their kid mixed messages, and she has plenty of opportunities to have sex with her boyfriend. They hang out in the bedroom with the door closed, and spend a lot of alone time together. I’m sure the mom is open about sex, pregnancy and BC. But so what??? Open line of communication means nothing when the door is shut.

I have an open line of communication with my kid, but there are no boys in my daughters bedroom. I think that’s a better model, but you do you….

There will be boys in your daughter’s bed with the door closed soon after she enters college in under 4 years.

That is simply the reality for nearly all college bound girls in the USA.

This is why education on the benefits of condoms is crucial, and it needs to happen long before 18.

Sure, but I still wouldn’t allow dating and sex at 14. Or get my 14 yr old and IUD. I feel like a total parental failure if my 14 yr old DD felt low enough about herself to be having sex in a closet, the bushes, on a school bus.

Same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone think that it's normal or good for 14 year olds to have sex?

Nobody thinks that. Rather, you need to acknowledge that they might have sex anyway, and if they do, you don’t want them to get pregnant or get an STD.

This is a dumb argument.

Listen my kid has a friend whose parents are wishy washy about sex. They give their kid mixed messages, and she has plenty of opportunities to have sex with her boyfriend. They hang out in the bedroom with the door closed, and spend a lot of alone time together. I’m sure the mom is open about sex, pregnancy and BC. But so what??? Open line of communication means nothing when the door is shut.

I have an open line of communication with my kid, but there are no boys in my daughters bedroom. I think that’s a better model, but you do you….

There will be boys in your daughter’s bed with the door closed soon after she enters college in under 4 years.

That is simply the reality for nearly all college bound girls in the USA.

This is why education on the benefits of condoms is crucial, and it needs to happen long before 18.

PP here….dang another dumb argument. Lol. Don’t you think there’s a difference between a 14 year old girl and an 18 year old woman? Do you have daughters? You seem so clueless! Why would I act like my 9th grader is a college student? Why would I create household rules that treat her like a college student when she is a young, sweet, innocent kid?

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone think that it's normal or good for 14 year olds to have sex?

Nobody thinks that. Rather, you need to acknowledge that they might have sex anyway, and if they do, you don’t want them to get pregnant or get an STD.

This is a dumb argument.

Listen my kid has a friend whose parents are wishy washy about sex. They give their kid mixed messages, and she has plenty of opportunities to have sex with her boyfriend. They hang out in the bedroom with the door closed, and spend a lot of alone time together. I’m sure the mom is open about sex, pregnancy and BC. But so what??? Open line of communication means nothing when the door is shut.

I have an open line of communication with my kid, but there are no boys in my daughters bedroom. I think that’s a better model, but you do you….

There will be boys in your daughter’s bed with the door closed soon after she enters college in under 4 years.

That is simply the reality for nearly all college bound girls in the USA.

This is why education on the benefits of condoms is crucial, and it needs to happen long before 18.

Sure, but I still wouldn’t allow dating and sex at 14. Or get my 14 yr old and IUD. I feel like a total parental failure if my 14 yr old DD felt low enough about herself to be having sex in a closet, the bushes, on a school bus.

Same

You can’t prevent her from getting BC, just an FYI.

[Anonymous]

This thread is why the US has the highest teen pregnancy rates in the developed world. No understanding of the importance of openness, birth control & sex education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is why the US has the highest teen pregnancy rates in the developed world. No understanding of the importance of openness, birth control & sex education.

Yep.

Tons of stupid parents in this thread, with their “well, MY daughter would NEVER!” aloof attitudes.

Guess most of them just need to find out the hard way.

[Anonymous]

I thought this thread might benefit from a story of someone who had good experiences of sexual activity in 9th grade. I had a long term bf in 9th grade, beginning at 14. I turned 15 in the winter of 9th grade, so hard to remember what we did when I was 14 v 15. We did a lot of “everything but” and he did not go blabbing all over school and there were not rumors or mean comments or insults hurled my way. This was at a large MCPS HS in the 90s. We had a very close relationship emotionally and a lot of joy exploring sexually. It was a good experience overall and I really have no regrets.

One of my HS friends who was the first to have seen a penis up close and personal (yes, at a youth group overnight and early on in 9th grade) is now happily married to that boy/man.

Are there risks? Yes. Is it reasonable for parents to recommend going slow and taking the time to try to ensure this is someone worthy of your trust? Of course. But sexual exploration at 14/15 and in 9th grade can turn out just fine too and is not a guarantee of bigger life problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is why the US has the highest teen pregnancy rates in the developed world. No understanding of the importance of openness, birth control & sex education.

Yep.

Tons of stupid parents in this thread, with their “well, MY daughter would NEVER!” aloof attitudes.

Guess most of them just need to find out the hard way.

No, not everyone has daughters who are sluts. It’s your mentality because you are presumable one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this thread might benefit from a story of someone who had good experiences of sexual activity in 9th grade. I had a long term bf in 9th grade, beginning at 14. I turned 15 in the winter of 9th grade, so hard to remember what we did when I was 14 v 15. We did a lot of “everything but” and he did not go blabbing all over school and there were not rumors or mean comments or insults hurled my way. This was at a large MCPS HS in the 90s. We had a very close relationship emotionally and a lot of joy exploring sexually. It was a good experience overall and I really have no regrets.

One of my HS friends who was the first to have seen a penis up close and personal (yes, at a youth group overnight and early on in 9th grade) is now happily married to that boy/man.

Are there risks? Yes. Is it reasonable for parents to recommend going slow and taking the time to try to ensure this is someone worthy of your trust? Of course. But sexual exploration at 14/15 and in 9th grade can turn out just fine too and is not a guarantee of bigger life problems.

That is a sweet story. Maybe you should illustrate and write a childrens book of it.