How to talk to 14yo about waiting to have sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are these teens finding the time to make boyfriends/girlfriends? My kid is too buy with academics and ECs. Plus, they have a very hectic social life and they are under constant supervision. They are always surrounded by family, classmates, friends, relatives, neighbors, teachers, coaches, tutors and their cohort. So where are they dating?

This reminds me of the kind of Asian parenting where the parents tell the girl “don’t date, don’t date, don’t date” and then she becomes 26 and her parents turn around and say “when are you going to get married???.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn’t allow her to be alone with a boy unless she’s ready to raise a baby.

So your child never stays home? Your child doesn’t take the metro or bus? Will they get a job at 15?

Just so we’re clear.

If she gets pregnant at 15 she’ll certainly be getting a job to pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.

It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.

You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.

No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?

What does this have to do with rules about dating? My child either takes the bus or I drive them. Lol.

You are an idiot. Plenty of kids either walk to school or take public transport. Those would all provide opportunity to a teenager who was so inclined.

So that’s what PP’s question has to do with dating. That your kid does something different (and you really think they couldn’t use time during or around the bus?) doesn’t mean everyone is in the same position.

Kids are not having sex on a bus or while walking to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting a 14yo date?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn’t allow her to be alone with a boy unless she’s ready to raise a baby.

So your child never stays home? Your child doesn’t take the metro or bus? Will they get a job at 15?

Just so we’re clear.

If she gets pregnant at 15 she’ll certainly be getting a job to pay for it.

I’ll be taking mine to the nearest PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“You aren’t allowed to date unit the age of…..” (insert your family’s rule).

If child is 14 and asks to go on a date with someone of the opposite sex, the answer is “no.” That means no dances at school or opportunities outside of school to “date.” When you are 16 we can revisit it.

So your child isn’t allowed to attend homecoming? Semi-formal? Football games? Other athletic events?

With a date of the opposite sex? No. Not until 16.

For my kid, that would mean no homecoming (even group dates?) until junior year. Why???

I have a freshly 15 9th grader who had a lovely time at two homecomings this fall when he was 14. I really don’t have any reason to deny him that HS experience.

He was “dating” a girl throughout the fall, we had rules in place, we talked about all the things, and things fizzled out as they often do with 14yos.

The horror! Kids will survive without going to homecoming until 16!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn’t allow her to be alone with a boy unless she’s ready to raise a baby.

So your child never stays home? Your child doesn’t take the metro or bus? Will they get a job at 15?

Just so we’re clear.

If she gets pregnant at 15 she’ll certainly be getting a job to pay for it.

More likely scenario is baby ends up in a dumpster or a box next a firehouse.

[Anonymous]

Remember that everything you (parents) do from when kid is 14 onward has a price. You need to nail communications with them from 14-18 if you want them to speak to you once they’re 18+. Karma is a B.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“You aren’t allowed to date unit the age of…..” (insert your family’s rule).

If child is 14 and asks to go on a date with someone of the opposite sex, the answer is “no.” That means no dances at school or opportunities outside of school to “date.” When you are 16 we can revisit it.

So your child isn’t allowed to attend homecoming? Semi-formal? Football games? Other athletic events?

With a date of the opposite sex? No. Not until 16.

For my kid, that would mean no homecoming (even group dates?) until junior year. Why???

I have a freshly 15 9th grader who had a lovely time at two homecomings this fall when he was 14. I really don’t have any reason to deny him that HS experience.

He was “dating” a girl throughout the fall, we had rules in place, we talked about all the things, and things fizzled out as they often do with 14yos.

The horror! Kids will survive without going to homecoming until 16!

True, but why? It really isn't about the date for me (or a lot of kids, they just want to be out with their friends).

There are limited age-appropriate activities for kids anyway, why take this away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.

It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.

You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.

No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?

What does this have to do with rules about dating? My child either takes the bus or I drive them. Lol.

You are an idiot. Plenty of kids either walk to school or take public transport. Those would all provide opportunity to a teenager who was so inclined.

So that’s what PP’s question has to do with dating. That your kid does something different (and you really think they couldn’t use time during or around the bus?) doesn’t mean everyone is in the same position.

Kids are not having sex on a bus or while walking to school.

It's almost like you were never a teenager. In the park, in a car, in the woods, under the bleachers, in the high school stairwell after extra curriculars, and especially at church youth group "lock ins" were where many of my friends had their firsts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.

It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.

You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.

No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?

What does this have to do with rules about dating? My child either takes the bus or I drive them. Lol.

You are an idiot. Plenty of kids either walk to school or take public transport. Those would all provide opportunity to a teenager who was so inclined.

So that’s what PP’s question has to do with dating. That your kid does something different (and you really think they couldn’t use time during or around the bus?) doesn’t mean everyone is in the same position.

Kids are not having sex on a bus or while walking to school.

It's almost like you were never a teenager. In the park, in a car, in the woods, under the bleachers, in the high school stairwell after extra curriculars, and especially at church youth group "lock ins" were where many of my friends had their firsts.

I didn’t and neither did anyone I hung out with. Might you just be trash?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.

It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.

You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.

No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?

What does this have to do with rules about dating? My child either takes the bus or I drive them. Lol.

You are an idiot. Plenty of kids either walk to school or take public transport. Those would all provide opportunity to a teenager who was so inclined.

So that’s what PP’s question has to do with dating. That your kid does something different (and you really think they couldn’t use time during or around the bus?) doesn’t mean everyone is in the same position.

Kids are not having sex on a bus or while walking to school.

It's almost like you were never a teenager. In the park, in a car, in the woods, under the bleachers, in the high school stairwell after extra curriculars, and especially at church youth group "lock ins" were where many of my friends had their firsts.

I didn’t and neither did anyone I hung out with. Might you just be trash?

+1 I was raised right with morals. So were my friends. People usually befriend people that have similar morals to them.

[Anonymous]

Sex has nothing to do with “morals.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.

It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.

You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.

No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?

What does this have to do with rules about dating? My child either takes the bus or I drive them. Lol.

You are an idiot. Plenty of kids either walk to school or take public transport. Those would all provide opportunity to a teenager who was so inclined.

So that’s what PP’s question has to do with dating. That your kid does something different (and you really think they couldn’t use time during or around the bus?) doesn’t mean everyone is in the same position.

Kids are not having sex on a bus or while walking to school.

It's almost like you were never a teenager. In the park, in a car, in the woods, under the bleachers, in the high school stairwell after extra curriculars, and especially at church youth group "lock ins" were where many of my friends had their firsts.

Gross, did you do this? At 14?? I never had sex in high school and I think that’s normal? Btw, a 14 year old girl having sex in the stairwell is horrific so please don’t normalize that. You would be heartbroken if that happened to your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex has nothing to do with “morals.”

+100. People who think this is why we have stupid approaches to sex ed in the first place.