I finally set a boundary with in laws and they made me feel bad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just awful. I can't imagine causing DH's parent's to drive in the dark. You're sick of hosting and should stop. That's fine. But once you agree then you need to actually be hospitable.

Um, OP understands the night driving factor and said 4 would be fine. Arriving at 4 = no driving in the dark. Are you slow?

Still awful. She should not host.

NP. I guess PP was right. You are slow.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are chronically late. Like hours late. It upsets the kids who keep asking when will they be here? How much longer? Makes me feel like they don't value my time at all and don't care about us because we sit and wait and wait, ready to host. I much prefer my parents who are always early by at least 30 minutes. The in-laws are excited to see everyone, I don't see the issue if the husband is willing to entertain them when they arrive early and from nothing OP has said does it sound like that won't happen. He obviously isn't on board and she should start there with fixing this problem, not take it out on the in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are chronically late. Like hours late. It upsets the kids who keep asking when will they be here? How much longer? Makes me feel like they don't value my time at all and don't care about us because we sit and wait and wait, ready to host. I much prefer my parents who are always early by at least 30 minutes. The in-laws are excited to see everyone, I don't see the issue if the husband is willing to entertain them when they arrive early and from nothing OP has said does it sound like that won't happen. He obviously isn't on board and she should start there with fixing this problem, not take it out on the in-laws.

Early or late is same thing - your time is not respected. One is not better than other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just awful. I can't imagine causing DH's parent's to drive in the dark. You're sick of hosting and should stop. That's fine. But once you agree then you need to actually be hospitable.

Please get some reading comprehension skills. They are not driving in the dark. OP deserves to have a day to prepare (or, dare I say it, relax) and a late afternoon arrival time is perfectly reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are chronically late. Like hours late. It upsets the kids who keep asking when will they be here? How much longer? Makes me feel like they don't value my time at all and don't care about us because we sit and wait and wait, ready to host. I much prefer my parents who are always early by at least 30 minutes. The in-laws are excited to see everyone, I don't see the issue if the husband is willing to entertain them when they arrive early and from nothing OP has said does it sound like that won't happen. He obviously isn't on board and she should start there with fixing this problem, not take it out on the in-laws.

Early or late is same thing - your time is not respected. One is not better than other

No. Early is far better in my case. If I'm not "ready" they can entertain the kids, talk to my husband or do whatever. We aren't left sitting and waiting wondering when they will show up because they also conveniently don't have cell phones they know how to answer. It's the worst. So we sit and wait because it could be at any moment.

[Anonymous]

I’d have bags inside the door as if you’d just come in from errands and be running the vacuum under their feet if they came early. Let them see the busyness in action instead of arriving to everything set up. They were told prepping was needed.

[Anonymous]

Tell them to get a hotel if they can’t respect your wishes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just awful. I can't imagine causing DH's parent's to drive in the dark. You're sick of hosting and should stop. That's fine. But once you agree then you need to actually be hospitable.

Um, OP understands the night driving factor and said 4 would be fine. Arriving at 4 = no driving in the dark. Are you slow?

Still awful. She should not host.

NP. I guess PP was right. You are slow.

Agreed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d have bags inside the door as if you’d just come in from errands and be running the vacuum under their feet if they came early. Let them see the busyness in action instead of arriving to everything set up. They were told prepping was needed.

Many in-laws would not be concerned with this, I don't know why people think this would be a big turn off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d have bags inside the door as if you’d just come in from errands and be running the vacuum under their feet if they came early. Let them see the busyness in action instead of arriving to everything set up. They were told prepping was needed.

Many in-laws would not be concerned with this, I don't know why people think this would be a big turn off.

Mine expect full attention and to sit and chat and be host-hosted. I’d definitely do this and shrug if they complained.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d have bags inside the door as if you’d just come in from errands and be running the vacuum under their feet if they came early. Let them see the busyness in action instead of arriving to everything set up. They were told prepping was needed.

Many in-laws would not be concerned with this, I don't know why people think this would be a big turn off.

Mine expect full attention and to sit and chat and be host-hosted. I’d definitely do this and shrug if they complained.

I just do this stuff anyway and pretend I'm busy to not have to make nice chit chat for hours on end. My in-laws don't really seem to care one way or the other, I know they're not there to see me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh and to be clear I didn’t mind them coming at 4p if they don’t want to drive in the dark but even 4p was not ok for her - she was like no it needs to be earlier.

I would have told her to come the next morning if she doesn't like to drive in dark. Grow a pair!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just awful. I can't imagine causing DH's parent's to drive in the dark. You're sick of hosting and should stop. That's fine. But once you agree then you need to actually be hospitable.

Please get some reading comprehension skills. They are not driving in the dark. OP deserves to have a day to prepare (or, dare I say it, relax) and a late afternoon arrival time is perfectly reasonable.

No, the change occurred only after the MIL pushed. Otherwise OP was perfectly happy to insist that they arrive at the time she demanded. DP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Christmas is not about you and your personal time. It’s a day for family. Who cares if your in laws sit around your house while you prep? If your life is so “crazy hard” that Xmas is your only day to yourself, then I think the problem is your life and not your in laws.

She has had a hard year. She gets one day in the peace and quiet of her home. Why do you need to shit on someone just before Christmas? Who peed in your Cheerios?

You are fine, OP. Hope you enjoy a slow, quiet day until 4 tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

OP, you were completely within reason to request a specific time for your guests to arrive, whether they are family, friends, colleagues or complete strangers. This is perfectly reasonable and all the people who are acting like you are being a jerk are likely the kinds of people who would show up whenever they wanted to like your MIL.

You don't owe anyone any excuse for WHY you want guests at a certain time. You were also accommodating to MIL's request about not driving at night, and that still wasn't good enough for her. She had to keep pushing with her rude comment. She is the bad guy here. And your DH for not being your partner and letting you deal with setting a boundary with his mother. I hope MIL isn't a jerk tomorrow. You should also have a conversation with your husband about how he is the one who has created this situation by refusing to be a grown up and using big boy words with his mommy.