How would you handle a 15 yo talking about getting a matching tattoo with a friend who is dying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I would offer something less permanent like matching necklaces.

God! You suck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't allow it. I agree that a professional photo shoot or something like that is more appropriate.

Same. I would never allow a 15 year old to make this decision. I like the photo shoot idea, jewelry or other ways to memorialize this friendship.

But what YOU like isn’t what is meaningful for the kids. Part of adolescence is making your own choices and part of our job as parents is to allow them the freedom to do so. To appreciate that they are becoming independent people with feelings, likes, and desires that may doffer from our own. A small tattoo, while permanent isn’t in any way a life altering thing. The girls have told the OP what would be meaningful to THEM, she old enough to walk through this with her friend, she’s old enough to decide how to memorialize their relationship. Telling her that she may feel differently about this in the future will make her feel as if you don’t understand and respect her feelings. You can’t keep her from being hurt or sad but you can help her find the other side of this with her soul in tact and your relationship with her in tact.

dp But her dd still needs parental permission. Sometimes, I will tell told my kids that I would be the "bad" guy so they could get out of doing something they really didn't want but felt pressured to do so. Did anyone think that? Perhaps the friend is making op's dd feel guiltyand that is why the dd agreed to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would offer something less permanent like matching necklaces.

God! You suck!

dp Just because someone has a different opinion than you doesn't mean they "suck" Are you 15 as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't allow it. I agree that a professional photo shoot or something like that is more appropriate.

Same. I would never allow a 15 year old to make this decision. I like the photo shoot idea, jewelry or other ways to memorialize this friendship.

But what YOU like isn’t what is meaningful for the kids. Part of adolescence is making your own choices and part of our job as parents is to allow them the freedom to do so. To appreciate that they are becoming independent people with feelings, likes, and desires that may doffer from our own. A small tattoo, while permanent isn’t in any way a life altering thing. The girls have told the OP what would be meaningful to THEM, she old enough to walk through this with her friend, she’s old enough to decide how to memorialize their relationship. Telling her that she may feel differently about this in the future will make her feel as if you don’t understand and respect her feelings. You can’t keep her from being hurt or sad but you can help her find the other side of this with her soul in tact and your relationship with her in tact.

oh get real - I have looked back at pictures of when I was 15 and wonder why the heck my mother didn’t tell me my makeup looked awful or why she let me some outfits bc I looked really silly. 15 yr olds don’t have the best judgement bc they are 15 and not adults

Sure and then you turned 18 and magically made all wonderful life long hair and fashion choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't allow it. I agree that a professional photo shoot or something like that is more appropriate.

Same. I would never allow a 15 year old to make this decision. I like the photo shoot idea, jewelry or other ways to memorialize this friendship.

But what YOU like isn’t what is meaningful for the kids. Part of adolescence is making your own choices and part of our job as parents is to allow them the freedom to do so. To appreciate that they are becoming independent people with feelings, likes, and desires that may doffer from our own. A small tattoo, while permanent isn’t in any way a life altering thing. The girls have told the OP what would be meaningful to THEM, she old enough to walk through this with her friend, she’s old enough to decide how to memorialize their relationship. Telling her that she may feel differently about this in the future will make her feel as if you don’t understand and respect her feelings. You can’t keep her from being hurt or sad but you can help her find the other side of this with her soul in tact and your relationship with her in tact.

oh get real - I have looked back at pictures of when I was 15 and wonder why the heck my mother didn’t tell me my makeup looked awful or why she let me some outfits bc I looked really silly. 15 yr olds don’t have the best judgement bc they are 15 and not adults

Her close friend is dying. That’s not a silly outfit or a stupid hairdo. It’s a painful tragedy that could be a defining moment in her emotional development. Stop acting like a 15 year old isn’t a cognizant human being who can make her own choices about important personal issues.

Ok, but as a society, we regulate many things for 15 year old and they need parental consent in numerous instances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would offer something less permanent like matching necklaces.

God! You suck!

dp Just because someone has a different opinion than you doesn't mean they "suck" Are you 15 as well?

Matching necklace is something you do in first grade.

NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't allow it. I agree that a professional photo shoot or something like that is more appropriate.

Same. I would never allow a 15 year old to make this decision. I like the photo shoot idea, jewelry or other ways to memorialize this friendship.

But what YOU like isn’t what is meaningful for the kids. Part of adolescence is making your own choices and part of our job as parents is to allow them the freedom to do so. To appreciate that they are becoming independent people with feelings, likes, and desires that may doffer from our own. A small tattoo, while permanent isn’t in any way a life altering thing. The girls have told the OP what would be meaningful to THEM, she old enough to walk through this with her friend, she’s old enough to decide how to memorialize their relationship. Telling her that she may feel differently about this in the future will make her feel as if you don’t understand and respect her feelings. You can’t keep her from being hurt or sad but you can help her find the other side of this with her soul in tact and your relationship with her in tact.

oh get real - I have looked back at pictures of when I was 15 and wonder why the heck my mother didn’t tell me my makeup looked awful or why she let me some outfits bc I looked really silly. 15 yr olds don’t have the best judgement bc they are 15 and not adults

Sure and then you turned 18 and magically made all wonderful life long hair and fashion choices.

Everyone on here arguing not to let this girl do it seems like they’re the type of parents who power trip for no good reason. Yeah, sure we regulate lots of things for kids. But as long as you raise kids who are minimally responsible, maybe it’s good to try to find ways to allow them autonomy instead of controlling them for no good reason. And in this particular instance, the tattoo is incredibly important to the daughter and the harm from it is negligible harm. Telling her no just because she’s 15 and you’re an adult is a good way to alienate your child forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't allow it. I agree that a professional photo shoot or something like that is more appropriate.

Same. I would never allow a 15 year old to make this decision. I like the photo shoot idea, jewelry or other ways to memorialize this friendship.

But what YOU like isn’t what is meaningful for the kids. Part of adolescence is making your own choices and part of our job as parents is to allow them the freedom to do so. To appreciate that they are becoming independent people with feelings, likes, and desires that may doffer from our own. A small tattoo, while permanent isn’t in any way a life altering thing. The girls have told the OP what would be meaningful to THEM, she old enough to walk through this with her friend, she’s old enough to decide how to memorialize their relationship. Telling her that she may feel differently about this in the future will make her feel as if you don’t understand and respect her feelings. You can’t keep her from being hurt or sad but you can help her find the other side of this with her soul in tact and your relationship with her in tact.

oh get real - I have looked back at pictures of when I was 15 and wonder why the heck my mother didn’t tell me my makeup looked awful or why she let me some outfits bc I looked really silly. 15 yr olds don’t have the best judgement bc they are 15 and not adults

Sure and then you turned 18 and magically made all wonderful life long hair and fashion choices.

Everyone on here arguing not to let this girl do it seems like they’re the type of parents who power trip for no good reason. Yeah, sure we regulate lots of things for kids. But as long as you raise kids who are minimally responsible, maybe it’s good to try to find ways to allow them autonomy instead of controlling them for no good reason. And in this particular instance, the tattoo is incredibly important to the daughter and the harm from it is negligible harm. Telling her no just because she’s 15 and you’re an adult is a good way to alienate your child forever.

^ this was meant to respond to the comment that said “ Ok, but as a society, we regulate many things for 15 year old and they need parental consent in numerous instances.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't allow it. I agree that a professional photo shoot or something like that is more appropriate.

Same. I would never allow a 15 year old to make this decision. I like the photo shoot idea, jewelry or other ways to memorialize this friendship.

But what YOU like isn’t what is meaningful for the kids. Part of adolescence is making your own choices and part of our job as parents is to allow them the freedom to do so. To appreciate that they are becoming independent people with feelings, likes, and desires that may doffer from our own. A small tattoo, while permanent isn’t in any way a life altering thing. The girls have told the OP what would be meaningful to THEM, she old enough to walk through this with her friend, she’s old enough to decide how to memorialize their relationship. Telling her that she may feel differently about this in the future will make her feel as if you don’t understand and respect her feelings. You can’t keep her from being hurt or sad but you can help her find the other side of this with her soul in tact and your relationship with her in tact.

oh get real - I have looked back at pictures of when I was 15 and wonder why the heck my mother didn’t tell me my makeup looked awful or why she let me some outfits bc I looked really silly. 15 yr olds don’t have the best judgement bc they are 15 and not adults

Sure and then you turned 18 and magically made all wonderful life long hair and fashion choices.

Everyone on here arguing not to let this girl do it seems like they’re the type of parents who power trip for no good reason. Yeah, sure we regulate lots of things for kids. But as long as you raise kids who are minimally responsible, maybe it’s good to try to find ways to allow them autonomy instead of controlling them for no good reason. And in this particular instance, the tattoo is incredibly important to the daughter and the harm from it is negligible harm. Telling her no just because she’s 15 and you’re an adult is a good way to alienate your child forever.

By this logic you should allow tattoos regardless of the friend dying or for a much less significant reason. Do you think that?

[Anonymous]

Talk to your daughter OP. Find out how the idea for tattoos came about. Is this an organic idea both girls really want? Or does the sick girl really want it, and your daughter feel that she should say yes. I wouldn’t alllow it unless I was convinced DD really wanted this, as opposed to feeling obligated. Just like you hesitate to say not, you DD may also be hesitant. Or, it could be important to her.

I just asked my 16 year old DD what she thought. She liked the tattoo idea (as long as it is small), but not the wrist. She said every time she looked at her watch, she’d feel sad. And that she’d rather someplace like her shoulder blade, where she didn’t have to see it if she felt sad. Your DD may not be considering that.

In addition, I would help your DD a make a photo book of her friendship, one copy for her, one for her friend or her parents.

[Anonymous]

Op here she decided she wanted to do ribs instead, mostly because it apparently hurts like crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here she decided she wanted to do ribs instead, mostly because it apparently hurts like crazy

OP, I hope you are looking into counseling/therapy for your daughter. I wrote earlier about being on the fence. This kind of comment would keep me on the fence and would encourage me to make sure she has lots of other outlets for the physical pain of grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here she decided she wanted to do ribs instead, mostly because it apparently hurts like crazy

No one would I let my 15 yr get a tattoo on her ribs. Dying friend or not, hard no. I would get her into therapy to help process the grief. A tattoo on her ribs isn't going to make her feel any better in the long run and is just a bad choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This girl has been very close to my daughter for a few years but she's had recurring cancer and it recently came back in a very severe form and it's bad enough they aren't going to fight and just try to make her comfortable.

My daughter and her friend recently came to their parents and asked about going to a reputable artist and getting some designs done up, her parents are alright with the idea but I'm hesitant about this it seems insane to allow a tattoo at 15 years old but also the right thing to do.

I’m so sorry.

+1

I lost my sister to cancer at that age and wish I had the opportunity to do something like that with her before she died. (And I’m not a tattoo person). Any positive memories are precious, and the permanence of a tattoo seems like a comfort for both girls. I would allow her to choose something small and discreet.

[Anonymous]

As long its in a discreet location, its small, and done by a reputable artist, then I don't have any issues with it. Minors need adult/parental permission, so I would drive them to the shop and watch.