How would you handle a 15 yo talking about getting a matching tattoo with a friend who is dying

[Anonymous]

It’s a beautiful gesture. Please do let her. I would not edit the design in any way as it’s between them, but guiding them to a not flashy spot if possible. It will mean so much for both if them.

[Anonymous]

Yes absolutely. Small, discreet and special.

[Anonymous]

I think that as long as it’s in a discreet location (possible to cover) I would absolutely allow it. And I am really not a tattoo person.

+1

[Anonymous]

What a horrible idea. I would be irritated at the emotional manipulation.

I understand the parents of the young patient are distraught, but come on. It's not cool to encourage the surviving teen to get something permanent. This isn't about disrespecting the future memory of a pediatric cancer victim. Don't believe anyone who tries to tell you that, since that would reduce her memory to a tatoo, which is ridiculous. It's about not allowing another child to mark their body permanently before they are old enough to really think it through unemotionally.

I would persuade them to do something else.

[Anonymous]

Yes of course you should allow it. How is this even a question.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely allow this. We had acquaintances who lost their teen daughter in an unexpected tragedy, and several of her high school friends got a small, simple tattoo in her memory.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would be reluctant, unless they are super close and have had a long relationship. My DS’s friend was tragically shot to death when she was 16, and to honor her memory my DS and his teammates added a visible symbol to their helmets (many of them knew her, not just my son).

Fast forward almost four years: my DS admitted to me that he might prefer to remove the symbol but feels awkward about it, even though he’s not in touch with much of that group anymore (he’s almost 20 amd still playing the sport with the same helmet). If it had been a tattoo, well, he may have felt the same way.

Otoh, I can’t imagine explaining a no answer to the friend. That’s a tough one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a horrible idea. I would be irritated at the emotional manipulation.

I understand the parents of the young patient are distraught, but come on. It's not cool to encourage the surviving teen to get something permanent. This isn't about disrespecting the future memory of a pediatric cancer victim. Don't believe anyone who tries to tell you that, since that would reduce her memory to a tatoo, which is ridiculous. It's about not allowing another child to mark their body permanently before they are old enough to really think it through unemotionally.

I would persuade them to do something else.

I we didn't some times act on are emotions than how can we claim to love

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a horrible idea. I would be irritated at the emotional manipulation.

I understand the parents of the young patient are distraught, but come on. It's not cool to encourage the surviving teen to get something permanent. This isn't about disrespecting the future memory of a pediatric cancer victim. Don't believe anyone who tries to tell you that, since that would reduce her memory to a tatoo, which is ridiculous. It's about not allowing another child to mark their body permanently before they are old enough to really think it through unemotionally.

I would persuade them to do something else.

Go back and re-read. This isn’t coming from the other girls’ parents, the teens came up with it themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would be reluctant, unless they are super close and have had a long relationship. My DS’s friend was tragically shot to death when she was 16, and to honor her memory my DS and his teammates added a visible symbol to their helmets (many of them knew her, not just my son).

Fast forward almost four years: my DS admitted to me that he might prefer to remove the symbol but feels awkward about it, even though he’s not in touch with much of that group anymore (he’s almost 20 amd still playing the sport with the same helmet). If it had been a tattoo, well, he may have felt the same way.

Otoh, I can’t imagine explaining a no answer to the friend. That’s a tough one.

I like this answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a horrible idea. I would be irritated at the emotional manipulation.

I understand the parents of the young patient are distraught, but come on. It's not cool to encourage the surviving teen to get something permanent. This isn't about disrespecting the future memory of a pediatric cancer victim. Don't believe anyone who tries to tell you that, since that would reduce her memory to a tatoo, which is ridiculous. It's about not allowing another child to mark their body permanently before they are old enough to really think it through unemotionally.

I would persuade them to do something else.

I am guessing you have been incredibly fortunate and not experienced the untimely death of a teen.

I lost a close friend to illness at 18, and a sibling lost a very close friend to suicide at 16. Decades later, family friends lost their 16 year old.

To say you’d be irritated at this is staggering. These parents are likely making funeral plans for a 15-year old. This child is facing death at a time when peers are thinking of sports, prom, and college.

This might bring them a measure of peace and closure.

[Anonymous]

Could she possibly accompany her friend and then get the matching tattoo once she's 18?

This may be a situation where my mind would change when presented with it personally, but as an outside party, this seems to be what I'd do now for a 15 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a horrible idea. I would be irritated at the emotional manipulation.

I understand the parents of the young patient are distraught, but come on. It's not cool to encourage the surviving teen to get something permanent. This isn't about disrespecting the future memory of a pediatric cancer victim. Don't believe anyone who tries to tell you that, since that would reduce her memory to a tatoo, which is ridiculous. It's about not allowing another child to mark their body permanently before they are old enough to really think it through unemotionally.

I would persuade them to do something else.

I am guessing you have been incredibly fortunate and not experienced the untimely death of a teen.

I lost a close friend to illness at 18, and a sibling lost a very close friend to suicide at 16. Decades later, family friends lost their 16 year old.

To say you’d be irritated at this is staggering. These parents are likely making funeral plans for a 15-year old. This child is facing death at a time when peers are thinking of sports, prom, and college.

This might bring them a measure of peace and closure.

PP you replied to. To you and PPs, I was responding to the fact that the patient's parents have endorsed the teens' idea. Of course I understand this poor child is dying. Her death is terrible and tragic. But again, I don't think permanently marking the surviving teen to honor the untimely death of their best friend is a good idea.

I do not agree that a tatoo is the "only" way OP's child can memorialize their friend. Posters on this thread are acting as if it is. I do not believe that one should acquiesce to every demand motivated by grief, just because someone is dying. Yes, I have experienced tragic loss.

Put another way, *if my own teen was dying*, I would not approve their best friend getting a tatoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would be reluctant, unless they are super close and have had a long relationship. My DS’s friend was tragically shot to death when she was 16, and to honor her memory my DS and his teammates added a visible symbol to their helmets (many of them knew her, not just my son).

Fast forward almost four years: my DS admitted to me that he might prefer to remove the symbol but feels awkward about it, even though he’s not in touch with much of that group anymore (he’s almost 20 amd still playing the sport with the same helmet). If it had been a tattoo, well, he may have felt the same way.

Otoh, I can’t imagine explaining a no answer to the friend. That’s a tough one.

“Very close” isn’t just some classmate.

My dad lost his best friend at 16 and it still affects him 50 years later. It’s not something you get over.

[Anonymous]

I am not a tattoo person and until a few minutes ago would not have imagined any scenario where I’d let my 15-year-old DD get a tatoo. But in this case I would definitely allow it. I think it is a lovely idea.