How would you handle a 15 yo talking about getting a matching tattoo with a friend who is dying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just would like to take a moment to APPLAUD the bored teen (perhaps teens?) who are fueling this thread. You are masters of your craft, and I fear where you will troll next.

Haha, they should be all over the gift threads right now.

[Anonymous]

Of course I would allow it. How is this even a question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course I would allow it. How is this even a question?

Because many of us would not allow this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you're still reading this, I'm so sorry, this is a devastating situation. I'm late to this thread and it looks like it had a few pages of genuine responses and then a handful of people on control trips took it off the rails-- I'm sorry you have to see all that when you're about to be mourning the loss of a child close to your family.

FWIW, I am a tattoo person, and want to point out that a lot of the profession is about *not* giving tattoos-- any professional artist is going to have a lot of day to day experience talking clients out of getting awful tattoos they'll regret, or turning away teenagers who are impulsively trying to get tattoos but aren't ready. I don't think any artist would turn away your daughter and her friend. They'll also have advice for your daughter-- probably in a consultation and not the actual appointment when both girls are there-- about whether getting a memorial tattoo somewhere visible is (or is not) going to invite curious comments that might disturb her grieving process, like a poster very early in the thread pointed out. Your daughter's friend may not want to disclose that she has a terminal diagnosis but might want to tell her artist that she has a suppressed immune system to make sure they're thorough when walking her through infection protocol, it's not likely, but not something she or her family need to deal with right now.

I hope the girls have a positive, meaningful experience together, and I'm so sorry for everything your daughter and her friend are going through.

This is very thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

Small and in a discreet location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are not going to remember all the decisions and choices you made over their life. You think they will but they won’t. What they’ll ultimately remember is the KIND of parent you were: loving, supportive, always there for them, providing advice but letting you make the choice, helping you learn from a mistake? Or rigid, inflexible, unwilling to bend, restrictive, demanding, never willing to hear their POV, always thinking you were right, never empathizing. Ask yourself honestly what kind you remember your parents being and which you want your kids to remember you as.

Nah. You kid isn't going to remember ALL the decisions and choices I made over his life. I do agree, however, that kids will remember the kind of parent you were. Regardless, I don't see that a parent making a decision that is final makes that parent the bolded adjectives. WE ALL have boundaries we will not cross in our lives. (Well, if we are mentally healthy, we do.) You have those boundaries, also, dear.

Oh, and you're absolutely wrong by thinking a hard "no" on this issue means I wouldn't empathize. I would. I still wouldn't bend though.

Just the passive aggressive way you worded this response down to “dear” tells me everything I need to know about you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are not going to remember all the decisions and choices you made over their life. You think they will but they won’t. What they’ll ultimately remember is the KIND of parent you were: loving, supportive, always there for them, providing advice but letting you make the choice, helping you learn from a mistake? Or rigid, inflexible, unwilling to bend, restrictive, demanding, never willing to hear their POV, always thinking you were right, never empathizing. Ask yourself honestly what kind you remember your parents being and which you want your kids to remember you as.

Nah. You kid isn't going to remember ALL the decisions and choices I made over his life. I do agree, however, that kids will remember the kind of parent you were. Regardless, I don't see that a parent making a decision that is final makes that parent the bolded adjectives. WE ALL have boundaries we will not cross in our lives. (Well, if we are mentally healthy, we do.) You have those boundaries, also, dear.

Oh, and you're absolutely wrong by thinking a hard "no" on this issue means I wouldn't empathize. I would. I still wouldn't bend though.

Just the passive aggressive way you worded this response down to “dear” tells me everything I need to know about you

See bolded quote above. Right back atcha. A hard no on this issue would not define anyone’s overall parenting as negative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a DCUM wake up moment. We literally have to be one of the last metropolitans and areas of the country where tattoos are shunned. Literally go to the west coast. Entire people covered in tats. By the time your daughter is a professional, DC will be the same. Lots of people have tats (covered) in this town and more will have them uncovered.

I know.. we recently moved out of DC and my kids commented on how every single one of the school staff has some sort of tattoo, most are really small i think b/c these are some straight laced people, i would NEVER have thought they had a tattoo. There is zero stigma, i'm super conservative as is my husband. he works in a pretty stuffy law firm, one of the big ones and i think even there, having small tattoo on your inner arm or ankle is no biggie, it just has to be able to be covered up in court and some of these judges still make the women wear skirt suits. I think people make a good point of a constant reminder of grief or loss though, maybe have your daughter place it in an area that won't be visible all the time like above her elbow, on the inside, or her hip, she doesn't want to have to be explaining it to random strangers or forced to look at all the time and become numb to its meaning or carry around survivors guilt.

What?