How would you handle a 15 yo talking about getting a matching tattoo with a friend who is dying

[Anonymous]

Getting something small and unnoticeable unless they are point it out - interior finger or feet tattoo. Or something on their waist.

[Anonymous]

I would allow this. I got a tattoo of the day my mom died when I was a teen. My two best friends drove me to the mall to get a dress to wear to the funeral, and on the way back we stopped and I got my tattoo. It's a tiny red heart with her initials, and then the date of death underneath, along one of the long sides of the heart. It is on my shoulder. I have never regretted it. Even my grandma thinks it is a nice thing to have: she told me she wishes she had gotten one too!

If you go with a tiny heart, each girl can have the other friend's initials in it. And, no need to tell your daughter now, but you could have the date of her death added later. That really might help with the grieving process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would offer something less permanent like matching necklaces.

Agree with this.

This is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would offer something less permanent like matching necklaces.

“Yeah, I’d prefer my daughter get something easy to remove when she forgets about your daughter after she’s dead.”

What a nasty comment. You can wear a bracelet or necklace permanently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This girl has been very close to my daughter for a few years but she's had recurring cancer and it recently came back in a very severe form and it's bad enough they aren't going to fight and just try to make her comfortable.

My daughter and her friend recently came to their parents and asked about going to a reputable artist and getting some designs done up, her parents are alright with the idea but I'm hesitant about this it seems insane to allow a tattoo at 15 years old but also the right thing to do.

Oh wow how tragic for your daughter’s friend, her family and your daughter. I can’t imagine losing a friend at that age. I would absolutely allow it in this situation, although I would not allow it otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course I would allow this. I would push to make it small and in a place that is easy to cover when desired, but yes. Absolutely.

Yep, just talk her out of wrist, ankles, forearms and I would allow it.

This. I think it’s a wonderful way to remember their friendship. And I don’t have a single tattoo on my body, but I don’t think badly about small, tasteful, meaningful ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course I would allow this. I would push to make it small and in a place that is easy to cover when desired, but yes. Absolutely.

This.

I have a child who spent many years being suicidal. At around that age, we allowed them to get a semicolon tattoo. Never in a million years did I ever think I’d allow it much less pay for it. Sometimes circumstances just warrant going outside your normal boundaries.

[Anonymous]

I’m generally against tattoos, and I would agree to this. How sad for this young girl and all her loved ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would allow this. I got a tattoo of the day my mom died when I was a teen. My two best friends drove me to the mall to get a dress to wear to the funeral, and on the way back we stopped and I got my tattoo. It's a tiny red heart with her initials, and then the date of death underneath, along one of the long sides of the heart. It is on my shoulder. I have never regretted it. Even my grandma thinks it is a nice thing to have: she told me she wishes she had gotten one too!

If you go with a tiny heart, each girl can have the other friend's initials in it. And, no need to tell your daughter now, but you could have the date of her death added later. That really might help with the grieving process.
6

This is beautiful. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom.

A friend of mine has beautiful, not small tattoos on the inside of both wrists in memory of her mom. She wears long sleeves for job interviews but otherwise they have never been a problem. I am also not a tattoo person but i think physically manifesting the marks beloved people leave on us for life is one of the only reasons I might ever want one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would offer something less permanent like matching necklaces.

“Yeah, I’d prefer my daughter get something easy to remove when she forgets about your daughter after she’s dead.”

What a nasty comment. You can wear a bracelet or necklace permanently.

But that’s the message you send if you refuse to allow the tattoo and suggest jewelry instead. You are doing it because you want something non-permanent.

[Anonymous]

I hate tattoos. I would allow this. Please let her do it. It will bring the other family comfort, but most of all the dying friend. How could you not? I'm really tearing up over this. Please let them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This girl has been very close to my daughter for a few years but she's had recurring cancer and it recently came back in a very severe form and it's bad enough they aren't going to fight and just try to make her comfortable.

My daughter and her friend recently came to their parents and asked about going to a reputable artist and getting some designs done up, her parents are alright with the idea but I'm hesitant about this it seems insane to allow a tattoo at 15 years old but also the right thing to do.

Of course I would allow it. How sad. I would put a stipulation that since they’re minors you’d like to at least see the design they want before it becomes permanent. FWIW, if you don’t allow it, I think this is something that could cause a significant rift in your relationship with your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is suffering and you’re making it harder?

[Anonymous]

Totally depends on the design. I had a friend get multiple tattoos when his BFF girlfriend died in high school. Some are fine, some he regrets now that he's married and life has moved in a different direction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is suffering and you’re making it harder?

Np. A tattoo isn't going to change the sad fact. Tattoos cost money and pernament change to your body. I would try to discourage my dd from getting one personally.

You can remember your friend without disfigurement.