Dealing with GF who is a widow vs. divorced and her kids/my kids/grandkids

[Anonymous]

I feel like I’m falling into an age-old trap of prioritizing my gf’s kids/grandkids at the expense of my own. It makes sense that everything would be easier/warmer with them when their father/grandfather is tragically gone vs. my kids/grandkids whose mother/grandfather is very much still around. And it’s only natural that my gf wants me to step in to fill the gap left by her husband’s untimely death. But I’m not him — I have plenty of my own kids/grandkids. How many guys have managed to walk this high wire and not come crashing down, and what were the keys to success?

[Anonymous]

As a boyfriend? Absolutely NOT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I’m falling into an age-old trap of prioritizing my gf’s kids/grandkids at the expense of my own. It makes sense that everything would be easier/warmer with them when their father/grandfather is tragically gone vs. my kids/grandkids whose mother/grandfather is very much still around. And it’s only natural that my gf wants me to step in to fill the gap left by her husband’s untimely death. But I’m not him — I have plenty of my own kids/grandkids. How many guys have managed to walk this high wire and not come crashing down, and what were the keys to success?

Grow a pair already.

[Anonymous]

What exactly is it she wants you to do that you're not doing for your own kids?

[Anonymous]

Step up and make an effort to have plans with your grandkids. Don't wait for your gf or children to do it for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is it she wants you to do that you're not doing for your own kids?

Her kids/grandkids are all 30/60/90-minute drives away, less than half as far as mine. We go to every possible event with them. Ratio of interaction is like 20:1 vs. mine who are twice as far away or more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is it she wants you to do that you're not doing for your own kids?

Her kids/grandkids are all 30/60/90-minute drives away, less than half as far as mine. We go to every possible event with them. Ratio of interaction is like 20:1 vs. mine who are twice as far away or more.

So it’s not a cliche when people say that men only prioritize the children of the woman they’re currently banging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is it she wants you to do that you're not doing for your own kids?

Her kids/grandkids are all 30/60/90-minute drives away, less than half as far as mine. We go to every possible event with them. Ratio of interaction is like 20:1 vs. mine who are twice as far away or more.

Then you will have to suck it up and drive, no? Go without her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is it she wants you to do that you're not doing for your own kids?

Her kids/grandkids are all 30/60/90-minute drives away, less than half as far as mine. We go to every possible event with them. Ratio of interaction is like 20:1 vs. mine who are twice as far away or more.

Well, I can't blame her for wanting to go to all the things if they are not far. That ratio is bad but what do you want to do to make it fair? Accompany her less, or go to more of your family's events, or move closer to your family?

[Anonymous]

I think you will have to sometimes say to your girlfriend "I am not available because I am going to see my grandchildren." Yes she wants to copy and paste you in as Replacement husband, but you don't have to do everything she wants you to do.

[Anonymous]

One tip is to proactively put your plans on the calendar rather than trying to fit into the gaps in her family's schedule. Men are sometimes really lazy about planning and that's how they get stuck with the leftover time slots.

[Anonymous]

Go visit your kids and grandkids. Simple as that. Make the effort. Drive or get on a plane - whatever it takes. You and girlfriend don’t have to be constantly joined at the hip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is it she wants you to do that you're not doing for your own kids?

Her kids/grandkids are all 30/60/90-minute drives away, less than half as far as mine. We go to every possible event with them. Ratio of interaction is like 20:1 vs. mine who are twice as far away or more.

Well, I can't blame her for wanting to go to all the things if they are not far. That ratio is bad but what do you want to do to make it fair? Accompany her less, or go to more of your family's events, or move closer to your family?

She is very busy; there is no way she could handle a 1:1 ratio. So this works for her. But it makes me annoyed/feeling guilty/resentful. And my kids (maybe understandably) aren’t always so thrilled about her presence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is it she wants you to do that you're not doing for your own kids?

Her kids/grandkids are all 30/60/90-minute drives away, less than half as far as mine. We go to every possible event with them. Ratio of interaction is like 20:1 vs. mine who are twice as far away or more.

So it’s not a cliche when people say that men only prioritize the children of the woman they’re currently banging.

This is the truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is it she wants you to do that you're not doing for your own kids?

Her kids/grandkids are all 30/60/90-minute drives away, less than half as far as mine. We go to every possible event with them. Ratio of interaction is like 20:1 vs. mine who are twice as far away or more.

Well, I can't blame her for wanting to go to all the things if they are not far. That ratio is bad but what do you want to do to make it fair? Accompany her less, or go to more of your family's events, or move closer to your family?

She is very busy; there is no way she could handle a 1:1 ratio. So this works for her. But it makes me annoyed/feeling guilty/resentful. And my kids (maybe understandably) aren’t always so thrilled about her presence.

All the more reason you have to go your kids things by yourself