Ex says I’m ‘taking’ DD - she’s almost 18 and choosing to stay here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:parental alienation

Parental alienation is highly disputed theory that has been misused to explain why children do not want to engage with a particular parent.

The idea that every time a child doesn’t want to spend time with a parent has to be the result of the other parent’s actions is ludicrous. Parents are just people and some people are unpleasant, angry, mean or selfish. Kids don’t necessarily want to be around that; it has nothing to do with the other parent’s actions.

It’s ludicrous but men and their attorneys use it with great success in court and in custody evaluations. Fighting alienation allegations now. It’s wild to realize that men invent entire theories and then train their parties to propagate them rather than face the fact that someone just doesn’t like them because they did a bad job of interacting with them, but it’s an actual thing.

Relieved that your DD is almost 18, OP. Hopefully you live somewhere where getting a hearing for this would take a solid 8 weeks. Luckily even if he was serious, no one would allow ex parte proceedings for this kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:parental alienation

Parental alienation is highly disputed theory that has been misused to explain why children do not want to engage with a particular parent.

The idea that every time a child doesn’t want to spend time with a parent has to be the result of the other parent’s actions is ludicrous. Parents are just people and some people are unpleasant, angry, mean or selfish. Kids don’t necessarily want to be around that; it has nothing to do with the other parent’s actions.

It’s ludicrous but men and their attorneys use it with great success in court and in custody evaluations. Fighting alienation allegations now. It’s wild to realize that men invent entire theories and then train their parties to propagate them rather than face the fact that someone just doesn’t like them because they did a bad job of interacting with them, but it’s an actual thing.

Relieved that your DD is almost 18, OP. Hopefully you live somewhere where getting a hearing for this would take a solid 8 weeks. Luckily even if he was serious, no one would allow ex parte proceedings for this kind of thing.

It’s wild that some women alienate their kids and find all kinds of ways to justify it. I hope you don’t have kids. If a 18 year old doesn’t want to see a parent fine but don’t expect child support or college help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:parental alienation

Parental alienation is highly disputed theory that has been misused to explain why children do not want to engage with a particular parent.

The idea that every time a child doesn’t want to spend time with a parent has to be the result of the other parent’s actions is ludicrous. Parents are just people and some people are unpleasant, angry, mean or selfish. Kids don’t necessarily want to be around that; it has nothing to do with the other parent’s actions.

It’s very easy for a parent to alienate their kids kids from another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:parental alienation

Parental alienation is highly disputed theory that has been misused to explain why children do not want to engage with a particular parent.

The idea that every time a child doesn’t want to spend time with a parent has to be the result of the other parent’s actions is ludicrous. Parents are just people and some people are unpleasant, angry, mean or selfish. Kids don’t necessarily want to be around that; it has nothing to do with the other parent’s actions.

It’s ludicrous but men and their attorneys use it with great success in court and in custody evaluations. Fighting alienation allegations now. It’s wild to realize that men invent entire theories and then train their parties to propagate them rather than face the fact that someone just doesn’t like them because they did a bad job of interacting with them, but it’s an actual thing.

Relieved that your DD is almost 18, OP. Hopefully you live somewhere where getting a hearing for this would take a solid 8 weeks. Luckily even if he was serious, no one would allow ex parte proceedings for this kind of thing.

It’s wild that some women alienate their kids and find all kinds of ways to justify it. I hope you don’t have kids. If a 18 year old doesn’t want to see a parent fine but don’t expect child support or college help.

Okay. So you equate visitation with financial support. So the daughter could go to his house, sulk, stay in her room, and behave in all the fabulous ways that a teenager can exhibit when they’re unhappy and the you would pay for college and/or child support because the child is sleeping in your home. Is that correct? Or does the child have to visit and be pleasant—act in a way that makes the dad feel that he is an involved and loved member of her family in order for the financial support to follow?

Just curious what the requirements are for the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re enjoying this, OP. Hope he still pays for college.

Of course, they are enjoying it. Dad should not pay for college. Mom can figure it out.

OP doesn't sound like they are enjoying it. OP sounds tired of trying to make a grown man understand what it means to be a father of a 17 YO. OP's ex is trying to control her and their daughter instead of doing the things that parents of teens do, which mostly consists of driving your teen places and waiting to pick them up from places. And when they can drive, they are out with their friends or at their activities --- not sitting around the house with their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:parental alienation

Parental alienation is highly disputed theory that has been misused to explain why children do not want to engage with a particular parent.

The idea that every time a child doesn’t want to spend time with a parent has to be the result of the other parent’s actions is ludicrous. Parents are just people and some people are unpleasant, angry, mean or selfish. Kids don’t necessarily want to be around that; it has nothing to do with the other parent’s actions.

It’s ludicrous but men and their attorneys use it with great success in court and in custody evaluations. Fighting alienation allegations now. It’s wild to realize that men invent entire theories and then train their parties to propagate them rather than face the fact that someone just doesn’t like them because they did a bad job of interacting with them, but it’s an actual thing.

Relieved that your DD is almost 18, OP. Hopefully you live somewhere where getting a hearing for this would take a solid 8 weeks. Luckily even if he was serious, no one would allow ex parte proceedings for this kind of thing.

It’s wild that some women alienate their kids and find all kinds of ways to justify it. I hope you don’t have kids. If a 18 year old doesn’t want to see a parent fine but don’t expect child support or college help.

Unless its in the court- ordered settlement, you mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:parental alienation

Parental alienation is highly disputed theory that has been misused to explain why children do not want to engage with a particular parent.

The idea that every time a child doesn’t want to spend time with a parent has to be the result of the other parent’s actions is ludicrous. Parents are just people and some people are unpleasant, angry, mean or selfish. Kids don’t necessarily want to be around that; it has nothing to do with the other parent’s actions.

It’s ludicrous but men and their attorneys use it with great success in court and in custody evaluations. Fighting alienation allegations now. It’s wild to realize that men invent entire theories and then train their parties to propagate them rather than face the fact that someone just doesn’t like them because they did a bad job of interacting with them, but it’s an actual thing.

Relieved that your DD is almost 18, OP. Hopefully you live somewhere where getting a hearing for this would take a solid 8 weeks. Luckily even if he was serious, no one would allow ex parte proceedings for this kind of thing.

It’s wild that some women alienate their kids and find all kinds of ways to justify it. I hope you don’t have kids. If a 18 year old doesn’t want to see a parent fine but don’t expect child support or college help.

As a parent of several young adults (none estranged), my guess is that if it's got to this point-child support and college help wasn't forthcoming anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[

It’s very easy for a parent to alienate their kids kids from another.

If I suspected parental alienation, I would talk to the child to understand what may be happening and possibly take them to therapy to have a therapist help them cope with a difficult parent or see the sutiation differently. I would not automatically assume parental alienation without evidence. I would also self reflect on my own parenting and how to make changes to improve the relationship. There are lots of parenting resources out there.

As for the financial support, it is almost a given that children do not appreciate it until they are older. We give out of love for our children, not for the expectation of anything in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

It’s very easy for a parent to alienate their kids kids from another.

If I suspected parental alienation, I would talk to the child to understand what may be happening and possibly take them to therapy to have a therapist help them cope with a difficult parent or see the sutiation differently. I would not automatically assume parental alienation without evidence. I would also self reflect on my own parenting and how to make changes to improve the relationship. There are lots of parenting resources out there.

As for the financial support, it is almost a given that children do not appreciate it until they are older. We give out of love for our children, not for the expectation of anything in return.

What are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re enjoying this, OP. Hope he still pays for college.

Of course, they are enjoying it. Dad should not pay for college. Mom can figure it out.

OP doesn't sound like they are enjoying it. OP sounds tired of trying to make a grown man understand what it means to be a father of a 17 YO. OP's ex is trying to control her and their daughter instead of doing the things that parents of teens do, which mostly consists of driving your teen places and waiting to pick them up from places. And when they can drive, they are out with their friends or at their activities --- not sitting around the house with their parents.

You don’t know and are speculating. My teens spend time with me, why don’t yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

It’s very easy for a parent to alienate their kids kids from another.

If I suspected parental alienation, I would talk to the child to understand what may be happening and possibly take them to therapy to have a therapist help them cope with a difficult parent or see the sutiation differently. I would not automatically assume parental alienation without evidence. I would also self reflect on my own parenting and how to make changes to improve the relationship. There are lots of parenting resources out there.

As for the financial support, it is almost a given that children do not appreciate it until they are older. We give out of love for our children, not for the expectation of anything in return.

My kids appreciate it. What happened in your home that they don’t? If my kids refused contact we would not pay for college. They are grown. If they make a no contact choice that includes money. My parents try to control me with money. I decline ever. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My kids appreciate it. What happened in your home that they don’t? If my kids refused contact we would not pay for college. They are grown. If they make a no contact choice that includes money. My parents try to control me with money. I decline ever. Simple.

Conditional vs unconditional love

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My kids appreciate it. What happened in your home that they don’t? If my kids refused contact we would not pay for college. They are grown. If they make a no contact choice that includes money. My parents try to control me with money. I decline ever. Simple.

I hope you realize that you doing the same thing to your kids that your parents did to you, except with different conditions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

It’s very easy for a parent to alienate their kids kids from another.

If I suspected parental alienation, I would talk to the child to understand what may be happening and possibly take them to therapy to have a therapist help them cope with a difficult parent or see the sutiation differently. I would not automatically assume parental alienation without evidence. I would also self reflect on my own parenting and how to make changes to improve the relationship. There are lots of parenting resources out there.

As for the financial support, it is almost a given that children do not appreciate it until they are older. We give out of love for our children, not for the expectation of anything in return.

My kids appreciate it. What happened in your home that they don’t? If my kids refused contact we would not pay for college. They are grown. If they make a no contact choice that includes money. My parents try to control me with money. I decline ever. Simple.

Thats nice, as long as you haven’t agreed to a legal settlement which requires you to pay for college. Then your kids can do as they like and you’re still on the hook no matter how much you hate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My kids appreciate it. What happened in your home that they don’t? If my kids refused contact we would not pay for college. They are grown. If they make a no contact choice that includes money. My parents try to control me with money. I decline ever. Simple.

I hope you realize that you doing the same thing to your kids that your parents did to you, except with different conditions.

No, having basic expectations is reasonable. You cannot terminate a relationship and expect someone to financially support you.