Friend who shunned me when I divorced has gotten in touch

[Anonymous]

Lots of vindictive ladies on this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of vindictive ladies on this board.

Or possibly lots of people who’ve been badly hurt by callous and selfish “friends”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of vindictive ladies on this board.

There's a difference between being vindictive and allowing yourself to be a doormat. abused by other people. I'm actually glad to see many know the difference. We as women have been conditioned to take and take and not stand up for ourselves, and when we do we are shamed and called names like vindictive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you really just ask me to be your divorce doula after you ghosted me when I went through my divorce? Wow. Just wow.

+1. This is it for me- plus a screenshot of the convo if you have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey Jane. Sorry to hear you are divorcing. I know how hard it can be. It was particularly hurtful when my former friends dumped me. Hope your friends treat you better than mine did. Best of luck.

This, THIS THIS. Great response.

Let me fix it for you

Hey Jane. Sorry to hear you are divorcing. I know how hard it can be, especially when so-called friends included me in an email where they discussed ghosting me. Hope your friends treat you better than mine did. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of vindictive ladies on this board.

Nothing vindictive about choosing not to be a doormat. OP isn't going out of her way to hurt this person, she's not making it impossible for the friend to find support, she's just declining to be that support. Presumably this woman has other friends or family she can talk to.

And if her friends all dropped her because she's getting divorced ... well, she can't say she didn't have warning. But that's not something OP caused or is responsible for fixing. Politely declining to be this woman's sounding board isn't vindictive.

[Anonymous]

So, OP, what did you decide to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I was also deliberated shunned when I went through a major trauma, and while it’s been years, I would never open the door to any of these people again. They showed their true colors and there are simply too many other people in the world. I don’t owe them anything and neither do you OP, especially when this woman hasn’t come out of the gate with a MAJOR apology. And the fact she is reaching out to you — when there are so many divorced people out there, including people she presumably hasn’t dropped over the years — has an extra ring of user/manipulative to it.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of vindictive ladies on this board.

Nothing vindictive about choosing not to be a doormat. OP isn't going out of her way to hurt this person, she's not making it impossible for the friend to find support, she's just declining to be that support. Presumably this woman has other friends or family she can talk to.

And if her friends all dropped her because she's getting divorced ... well, she can't say she didn't have warning. But that's not something OP caused or is responsible for fixing. Politely declining to be this woman's sounding board isn't vindictive.

+1. This woman will drop her again as soon as she's situated and feeling more confident. You reap what you sow.

[Anonymous]

Oh, hi Jane. I haven't heard from you since I went through my divorce. I'm sorry to hear you are now going through the same.

Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you really just ask me to be your divorce doula after you ghosted me when I went through my divorce? Wow. Just wow.

I would send this response!

OP- you need to update us when you have time.

[Anonymous]

Op- what did you do?

[Anonymous]

I hope OP comes back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of vindictive ladies on this board.

Meh. You reap what you sow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read all the replies, just wanted to say this: you said you’re in a good place now. Understandably this churns up some sadness from what she and the other friends did to you, but if you can get past that and be a friend to her, nothing says you have a hold a grudge. Grudges hurt the holder usually more than the person who is focus of the grudge. Beyond that, you know she’s in pain. You’re not obligated to be supportive, but if you cared about her, and could still care about her, why not?

There’s so much shit in the world. Everyone is damaged. If you’re the bigger person, no reason not to show your friend some love.

This isn’t a situation of having a grudge. It’s just an annoyance.
I think Op can either not respond or can respond with one of the messages in this thread. Either way in a day or two Op will likely have forgotten all about this exchange.