What to do about daughter’s classmate? Outspoken racist parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

I’d probably talk to the parents directly and let them know we’d like to invite their daughter, but if anything like the above is said, they will be asked to leave. Then leave it up to them if they want to come or not.

I feel so bad for that poor girl. She’s just parroting what her parents say and doesn’t realize the impact it will have on her life.

This could work. She almost certainly won’t be allowed to come, so problem solved.

[Anonymous]

I’ve only read the first page down and I am so disgusted by the posts here. Absolutely disgusted. Her father is basically a Nazi and you are inviting her to a party??? What the he’ll has happened to our country????

NO. People of decency ostracize Nazi families. We shun them. And 8 is old enough to understand that racism is (or should be) unequivocally socially shunned. If little Adolphia asks why she wasn’t invited, it’s absolutely acceptable for your daughter to say, “your father is a racist and our family does not associate with families who hold racist beliefs.” Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ I say invite her. The incident last summer was a perfect time to respond to her about why her comment was wrong. Kids say stupid things, especially if they have parents giving them bad examples. Apparently your daughter likes her, so invite her and help her learn better”

+1
The child was SEVEN people! 7! She is not irredeemable for one awful comment at 7 years old.

Yes. She said that at 7. Her parents have not changed in the last year, odds are very high, she hasn't changed.


You know who else who was SEVEN, the little boy she bullied and sent home in tears because of his race. I promise you he hasn't gotten over it because he was SEVEN and it was a year ago. He will never forget that.

Exactly. My kid is 7. He would never have said something this cruel at 5 or 6 and certainly not at 7. I would never, ever invite this child or include her in anything. It’s not just that her father is a racist pig who deserves shunning. She is out there hurting people, too. I absolutely would not include her and if I was another parent who knows of this situation and knew you invited this child to a party, my child would not associate with your family, either. I would assume you condone or excuse her behavior.

How has it come acceptable to allow cretins like this to have any kind of social acceptance???! Absolutely not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this is the kind of stuff people did in Nazi Germany.
Their daughters were friends with the little Jewish girls until they weren't. Then the Jewish girls were excluded from the birthday parties.

Sure exclude the Jews, Muslims, Christians, Yazidis, and Republicans and Democrats.

You end up with Communist China or Soviet Russia.

It is really Effing sick that you just equated socially shunning American Nazis with what actual Nazis did to the Jewish people they eventually murdered en masse.

No.

You have NO moral compass.

It is the social duty of people of decency to turn away from hateful rhetoric. Germans of decency allowed Nazis to fester among them with their racism and anti-semiitism. They allowed it to become socially acceptable and normalized.

Now here on DCUM people are similarly literally allowing this man’s family to be socially accepted. It’s disgusting. Whatever all Ed to everyone agreeing that Nazis were evil and should have been stopped? America in 2020 and we are inviting their kids to birthday parties. WTAF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this is the kind of stuff people did in Nazi Germany.
Their daughters were friends with the little Jewish girls until they weren't. Then the Jewish girls were excluded from the birthday parties.

Sure exclude the Jews, Muslims, Christians, Yazidis, and Republicans and Democrats.

You end up with Communist China or Soviet Russia.

Nobody is excluding people because of religion of political affiliation. They are excluding a racist.

Excluding based on some beliefs is OK, but not other beliefs.

Ignoramus, Hitler didn’t kill Jews based on their beliefs. It was irrelevant to him if someone actually practiced the faith. He believe they were a race to be extinguished, based on blood. It literally had nothing to do with beliefs.

Shunning Nazis is a social imperative. How is this even debatable? We do not need to be tolerant of racism, FFS!!!! As if we’re talking about a difference of opinion on tax policy?

Tolerance
Of
Racism
Is
Not
Okay
W
T
F

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I hope you know that those of us who are conservative have to deal with this all the time and we are able to do it easily. I don't fault kids for their parent's misguided beliefs.

Because liberals have values that offend you like healthcare for all and let’s let everyone vote. Give me a break. Alt right is a synonym for nazi. OP, I’m shocked at people saying to invite the child. Sorry for the kid, but I wouldn’t invite hitler’s kids to a party either. If you wouldn’t have the parents in your home, you shouldn’t invite the kid. It is a unspoken way of saying you accept who they are. They do not belong in polite society.

Wow, are you terrible. Find some religion, any religion.

So not inclusive.

So you’re part of a religion that is inclusive of racists?!?!

Sorry, I’ll choose humanism any day over that. I do not tolerate cruelty or racism. This child is guilty of both, as are her parents. And apparently so are you for believing we should be “inclusive” towards racists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

Yup, that would be the dealbreaker for me. It's not fair to the other kids and their families. My kid and I socialize with all kinds of people. If my kid really wanted to, I would consider an individual playdate with this kid, but I would closely supervise and intervene to correct any remarks the one above.

Wow. Even after knowing that the kid herself is a racist and had hurt a Latino child, you’d be fine with her as a playmate for your child. In private. So essentially, offering the private wink wink stamp of approval and telling your child that what she said is literally socially acceptable. What is wrong with you?!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

Yup, that would be the dealbreaker for me. It's not fair to the other kids and their families. My kid and I socialize with all kinds of people. If my kid really wanted to, I would consider an individual playdate with this kid, but I would closely supervise and intervene to correct any remarks the one above.

Wow. Even after knowing that the kid herself is a racist and had hurt a Latino child, you’d be fine with her as a playmate for your child. In private. So essentially, offering the private wink wink stamp of approval and telling your child that what she said is literally socially acceptable. What is wrong with you?!!

I'm a queer, white woman and I'm heavily involved in racial justice organizing. In every memoir or reflection that I've read by a person who was a white supremacist and then realized they were wrong, that person described being exposed to people with antiracist beliefs who didn't offer approval but did engage with them and show a different way to live that wasn't so fearful and fueled by hatred. I have people in my own family I've been working on for decades. So, yeah, I feel it is my moral duty to recruit other white people to anti-racism, and it's miserable work that, if it ever works, takes a really long time. The alternative is leaving people to hang out in white supremacists echo chambers. This is an established organizing technique and has it's roots in calls during the mid-60s and on for white people to go work toward racial justice in their own communities. There is more info on this website, if you are interested: https://www.showingupforracialjustice.org/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

Yup, that would be the dealbreaker for me. It's not fair to the other kids and their families. My kid and I socialize with all kinds of people. If my kid really wanted to, I would consider an individual playdate with this kid, but I would closely supervise and intervene to correct any remarks the one above.

Wow. Even after knowing that the kid herself is a racist and had hurt a Latino child, you’d be fine with her as a playmate for your child. In private. So essentially, offering the private wink wink stamp of approval and telling your child that what she said is literally socially acceptable. What is wrong with you?!!

I'm a queer, white woman and I'm heavily involved in racial justice organizing. In every memoir or reflection that I've read by a person who was a white supremacist and then realized they were wrong, that person described being exposed to people with antiracist beliefs who didn't offer approval but did engage with them and show a different way to live that wasn't so fearful and fueled by hatred. I have people in my own family I've been working on for decades. So, yeah, I feel it is my moral duty to recruit other white people to anti-racism, and it's miserable work that, if it ever works, takes a really long time. The alternative is leaving people to hang out in white supremacists echo chambers. This is an established organizing technique and has it's roots in calls during the mid-60s and on for white people to go work toward racial justice in their own communities. There is more info on this website, if you are interested: https://www.showingupforracialjustice.org/

+1000. Thank you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

Yup, that would be the dealbreaker for me. It's not fair to the other kids and their families. My kid and I socialize with all kinds of people. If my kid really wanted to, I would consider an individual playdate with this kid, but I would closely supervise and intervene to correct any remarks the one above.

Wow. Even after knowing that the kid herself is a racist and had hurt a Latino child, you’d be fine with her as a playmate for your child. In private. So essentially, offering the private wink wink stamp of approval and telling your child that what she said is literally socially acceptable. What is wrong with you?!!

I'm a queer, white woman and I'm heavily involved in racial justice organizing. In every memoir or reflection that I've read by a person who was a white supremacist and then realized they were wrong, that person described being exposed to people with antiracist beliefs who didn't offer approval but did engage with them and show a different way to live that wasn't so fearful and fueled by hatred. I have people in my own family I've been working on for decades. So, yeah, I feel it is my moral duty to recruit other white people to anti-racism, and it's miserable work that, if it ever works, takes a really long time. The alternative is leaving people to hang out in white supremacists echo chambers. This is an established organizing technique and has it's roots in calls during the mid-60s and on for white people to go work toward racial justice in their own communities. There is more info on this website, if you are interested: https://www.showingupforracialjustice.org/

+1000. Thank you, PP.

Me again. To add: this girl is 8 years old. Anything awful she does is parroted from her parents. She is young enough to learn correct behavior, but only if she is exposed to it. I may not include her in a party if I was concerned about other guests, but I would absolutely consider a private play date where we could model positive views. It would be pretty easy to introduce topics that might bring out racist things she learned from her parents, and then explain why we found them wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

Yup, that would be the dealbreaker for me. It's not fair to the other kids and their families. My kid and I socialize with all kinds of people. If my kid really wanted to, I would consider an individual playdate with this kid, but I would closely supervise and intervene to correct any remarks the one above.

Wow. Even after knowing that the kid herself is a racist and had hurt a Latino child, you’d be fine with her as a playmate for your child. In private. So essentially, offering the private wink wink stamp of approval and telling your child that what she said is literally socially acceptable. What is wrong with you?!!

I'm a queer, white woman and I'm heavily involved in racial justice organizing. In every memoir or reflection that I've read by a person who was a white supremacist and then realized they were wrong, that person described being exposed to people with antiracist beliefs who didn't offer approval but did engage with them and show a different way to live that wasn't so fearful and fueled by hatred. I have people in my own family I've been working on for decades. So, yeah, I feel it is my moral duty to recruit other white people to anti-racism, and it's miserable work that, if it ever works, takes a really long time. The alternative is leaving people to hang out in white supremacists echo chambers. This is an established organizing technique and has it's roots in calls during the mid-60s and on for white people to go work toward racial justice in their own communities. There is more info on this website, if you are interested: https://www.showingupforracialjustice.org/

+1000. Thank you, PP.

Me again. To add: this girl is 8 years old. Anything awful she does is parroted from her parents. She is young enough to learn correct behavior, but only if she is exposed to it. I may not include her in a party if I was concerned about other guests, but I would absolutely consider a private play date where we could model positive views. It would be pretty easy to introduce topics that might bring out racist things she learned from her parents, and then explain why we found them wrong.

Yes, I think if OP's daughter wants to have a one on one playdate with this child, that would probably be good for the little girl. But I would not invite this child to a party, where she might say hurtful things to the guests. That would reflect poorly on her, not just the child.

[Anonymous]

Police, judge and jury = Lenin.

Go for it Op! Dedicate your life to hating people who may have jobs you don’t like or may have said something you heard through the grapevine.

Alt, though you don’t seem like a person to branch out, get to know them firsthand. And if you see something terrible happen firsthand, then be done with them. See them from a distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess none of you are voting for Biden because of his terrible track record with black people. Same for Kamala

Good Try but Trump himself said today people need second chances.

So Biden could be a paper bag and any intelligent person would vote for a Biden over DUMF.

Females in particular unless of course you are willing to lose your right to vote. Yep that’s right read the RNC transcript they don’t want women voting any more we should give our votes to our husbands?...

trump never learns from his mistakes failures after failures scams after scams .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

Yup, that would be the dealbreaker for me. It's not fair to the other kids and their families. My kid and I socialize with all kinds of people. If my kid really wanted to, I would consider an individual playdate with this kid, but I would closely supervise and intervene to correct any remarks the one above.

Wow. Even after knowing that the kid herself is a racist and had hurt a Latino child, you’d be fine with her as a playmate for your child. In private. So essentially, offering the private wink wink stamp of approval and telling your child that what she said is literally socially acceptable. What is wrong with you?!!

I'm a queer, white woman and I'm heavily involved in racial justice organizing. In every memoir or reflection that I've read by a person who was a white supremacist and then realized they were wrong, that person described being exposed to people with antiracist beliefs who didn't offer approval but did engage with them and show a different way to live that wasn't so fearful and fueled by hatred. I have people in my own family I've been working on for decades. So, yeah, I feel it is my moral duty to recruit other white people to anti-racism, and it's miserable work that, if it ever works, takes a really long time. The alternative is leaving people to hang out in white supremacists echo chambers. This is an established organizing technique and has it's roots in calls during the mid-60s and on for white people to go work toward racial justice in their own communities. There is more info on this website, if you are interested: https://www.showingupforracialjustice.org/

+1000. Thank you, PP.

Me again. To add: this girl is 8 years old. Anything awful she does is parroted from her parents. She is young enough to learn correct behavior, but only if she is exposed to it. I may not include her in a party if I was concerned about other guests, but I would absolutely consider a private play date where we could model positive views. It would be pretty easy to introduce topics that might bring out racist things she learned from her parents, and then explain why we found them wrong.

DP who wants to agree with another PP +1000. Your two posts are very well stated and I applaud you in walking what you talk. Well done. I think you and I would probably be good friends.

[Anonymous]

Given what she said to the other kid last year, I wouldn’t invite her. And did anyone talk to the school about that incident? I know it happened off-property, but if that other kid goes to the same school and doesn’t feel safe around her, it seems the counselor has grounds for a conversation about appropriate language (and if she said it at a party, I bet she’s said something at school, too).

If it weren’t for that comment, I would probably invite her, make sure it’s clear to all parents that it’s a drop-off party and then pass out BLM goodie bags - then you can be sure your daughter won’t be invited to *her* party.