What to do about daughter’s classmate? Outspoken racist parent

[Anonymous]

My elementary aged daughter goes to school with a little girl who is the daughter of a well known alt right media personality. My daughter is having a birthday party (outdoor in case you’re wondering) and wants to invite about a third of the little girls in her class to attend, with the aforementioned child being one of them.

I’m having some serious misgivings about allowing this. There have been indications from other parents that this child is already getting into the racist, nationalist rhetoric that her parent spouts on air and on social media. I haven’t witnessed it but with the way things are in this country and the fact that kids are so impressionable I want nothing to do with this girl or her family. I’m having guilt about excluding a child especially when it’s not her fault that her parent is so vicious, but I want my daughter to grow up knowing that this kind of thing has no place in society and doesn’t get rewarded with an invitation to a birthday party. The girls aren’t even close, for what it’s worth.

Please help me think this through and how i should approach it with my daughter. She’s 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My elementary aged daughter goes to school with a little girl who is the daughter of a well known alt right media personality. My daughter is having a birthday party (outdoor in case you’re wondering) and wants to invite about a third of the little girls in her class to attend, with the aforementioned child being one of them.

I’m having some serious misgivings about allowing this. There have been indications from other parents that this child is already getting into the racist, nationalist rhetoric that her parent spouts on air and on social media. I haven’t witnessed it but with the way things are in this country and the fact that kids are so impressionable I want nothing to do with this girl or her family. I’m having guilt about excluding a child especially when it’s not her fault that her parent is so vicious, but I want my daughter to grow up knowing that this kind of thing has no place in society and doesn’t get rewarded with an invitation to a birthday party. The girls aren’t even close, for what it’s worth.

Please help me think this through and how i should approach it with my daughter. She’s 8.

Would you really punish a little girl for her parent's beliefs? Why not show kindness so she can see how people should live.

[Anonymous]

Let your daughter invite her friend. If the friend or parents say anything inappropriate, ask them to leave

[Anonymous]

Just invite her. This is about your child and their friends, not about you or the girl's parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let your daughter invite her friend. If the friend or parents say anything inappropriate, ask them to leave

This.

I honestly can’t believe you’d hold the actions of her parents against an 8 year old girl without the girl ever doing anything offensive in your presence before.

Op - you are part of our country’s problems.

[Anonymous]

Take the high road, op. The view is better from up there.

[Anonymous]

Get over yourself OP. Do you want a DCUM cookie for your virtue signaling?

[Anonymous]

Let her invite her friend. It's a socially distanced birthday part for a couple hours and they probably will just talk about normal birthday party things.

[Anonymous]

If you want your daughter to learn, then she needs to be exposed to all different types of people. THEN she can choose to not invite the girl because she is a racist. But your daughter has to make this decision for herself.

[Anonymous]

Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's right to punish a child for her parent's actions. She has zero influence over what her parent says.

Assuming the parent is her father - I'm not a fan of punishing females (children, wives, sisters, etc) for what males say/do. I think it's very misogynistic and isolates females who need more support, not less.

Your daughter's friend will need positive influences in her life, and the more she's isolated, the deeper she's going to buy into her parent's beliefs.

I'm more concerned that you're only inviting 1/3 of the girls in her class. Everyone I know with kids in ES invite all the kids in the class (or at least all the girls).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

This is a crazy standard. So if this kid did "something specific" to someone else's daughter, she's still invited? Racism can't be a problem for white people, because they're not the ones being discriminated against?

[Anonymous]

Ostracize the child and the entire family for their beliefs. Only way to stop this nonsense it to sever it from the rest of us. Let a little bit of this attitude get into the world and it taints everything. Better to let them be among themselves and not part of civil society.

[Anonymous]

I’d say invite friend.

Not at all like this child’s parent as not in public eye but one of our dc had/ has a friend from k years on ( now both 16). Friend’s parents super conservative politically. Friend stated parents views for years which our dc was like” huh” but was was nice child, good friend to our dc ( as were parents even though I knew their thinking was different from ours). Fast forward 10 years and that friend now thinks like our dc and all their other friends my dc tells me things as only reason I know.

Being with your dc and your family may be a great opportunity to learn/ hear things that child will not be exposed too. I will say as the parent I never said a word to other child but I know my dc and their friends would challenge or offer counterpoint.

Must have worked as this one ultra conservative kid stayed with their group and they are all great friends today. And from what I hear about as liberal as mine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's right to punish a child for her parent's actions. She has zero influence over what her parent says.

Assuming the parent is her father - I'm not a fan of punishing females (children, wives, sisters, etc) for what males say/do. I think it's very misogynistic and isolates females who need more support, not less.

Your daughter's friend will need positive influences in her life, and the more she's isolated, the deeper she's going to buy into her parent's beliefs.

I'm more concerned that you're only inviting 1/3 of the girls in her class. Everyone I know with kids in ES invite all the kids in the class (or at least all the girls).

The small group size may be due to the pandemic. Seems like a lot more small parties right now.