What to do about daughter’s classmate? Outspoken racist parent

[Anonymous]

I would not invite her. I do not need to be tolerant of terrible people. These people need to be shunned from society and not normalized. Also as a POC, I’d leave any party if I showed up and a Richard Spencer or Tucker Carlson or Stephen Miller type was there, because they disgust me, and I certainly wouldn’t let my kids socialize with theirs. Sorry kid, the sins of the fathers shall be visited upon the sons. That’s in the Bible so there you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

I’d probably talk to the parents directly and let them know we’d like to invite their daughter, but if anything like the above is said, they will be asked to leave. Then leave it up to them if they want to come or not.

I feel so bad for that poor girl. She’s just parroting what her parents say and doesn’t realize the impact it will have on her life.

Omg this is so true. Our preschool had to have a parent meeting because two white kids were refusing to touch or play with the brown kids, and all the parents could talk about was how these kids were too young to be “actually “ racist, and that the didn’t want to “label “ the girls, and no one seemed concerned at all about the kids who were told their hands were “dirty.” I really started to hate some parents that day.


I feel worse for the little boy who had to put up with her racist bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

I’d probably talk to the parents directly and let them know we’d like to invite their daughter, but if anything like the above is said, they will be asked to leave. Then leave it up to them if they want to come or not.

I feel so bad for that poor girl. She’s just parroting what her parents say and doesn’t realize the impact it will have on her life.

Omg this is so true. Our preschool had to have a parent meeting because two white kids were refusing to touch or play with the brown kids, and all the parents could talk about was how these kids were too young to be “actually “ racist, and that the didn’t want to “label “ the girls, and no one seemed concerned at all about the kids who were told their hands were “dirty.” I really started to hate some parents that day.


I feel worse for the little boy who had to put up with her racist bullying.

^ Got somehow messed up. I was responding to the last comment.

[Anonymous]

“ I say invite her. The incident last summer was a perfect time to respond to her about why her comment was wrong. Kids say stupid things, especially if they have parents giving them bad examples. Apparently your daughter likes her, so invite her and help her learn better”

+1
The child was SEVEN people! 7! She is not irredeemable for one awful comment at 7 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“ I say invite her. The incident last summer was a perfect time to respond to her about why her comment was wrong. Kids say stupid things, especially if they have parents giving them bad examples. Apparently your daughter likes her, so invite her and help her learn better”

+1
The child was SEVEN people! 7! She is not irredeemable for one awful comment at 7 years old.

Yes. She said that at 7. Her parents have not changed in the last year, odds are very high, she hasn't changed.


You know who else who was SEVEN, the little boy she bullied and sent home in tears because of his race. I promise you he hasn't gotten over it because he was SEVEN and it was a year ago. He will never forget that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

I’d probably talk to the parents directly and let them know we’d like to invite their daughter, but if anything like the above is said, they will be asked to leave. Then leave it up to them if they want to come or not.

I feel so bad for that poor girl. She’s just parroting what her parents say and doesn’t realize the impact it will have on her life.

Omg this is so true. Our preschool had to have a parent meeting because two white kids were refusing to touch or play with the brown kids, and all the parents could talk about was how these kids were too young to be “actually “ racist, and that the didn’t want to “label “ the girls, and no one seemed concerned at all about the kids who were told their hands were “dirty.” I really started to hate some parents that day.


I feel worse for the little boy who had to put up with her racist bullying.

^ Got somehow messed up. I was responding to the last comment.

it's okay I understood you. Total lack of empathy. How did they think the preschoolers felt to have those comments made about them.

[Anonymous]

Sorry kid. Not coming to my house.

[Anonymous]

Is it a drop off party? If so, I think I would invite her. At 8, you're going to be supervising pretty closely, right? I would just say within earshot of the girl at all times (or assign your spouse if you need to do something else). If she says anything hurtful or racist, I would just say very firmly "We do not tolerate that kind of hurtful language in our house. What you are saying is unkind and ignorant. You may apologize to XXX right now, or I will call your parents and they can pick you up."

I'm in the camp of kids say dumb sh-t frequently. Kids raised by morons will say it more frequently, because they parrot what they here. Some of that dumb sh-t will be offensive and hurtful. Our job as a community is to teach kids not to be that way. I've said things to groups of teens at restaurants that I heard making offensive comments, or to the kids in the groups that I work with. If I heard a girl saying something like "You shouldn't eat cake -- you're too fat" I would 100% say something right there and then. I think if you called the kid out on the inappropriate comment right there and then, it would have three effects: (1) the kid that was targeted would feel protected and validated; (2) the other kids would immediately know that was NOT OKAY, and would likely rally around the target to support them; and (3) the girl in question would seriously think about whether what her parents say is consistent with what her peers and other people in the community think. That might not sink in right away, but I think there's a decent change that at some point in her life, it would.

[Anonymous]

I would not invite her. at that age you still have some control of who can be around your daughter. you say the kids are not close, you are planning to invite 1/3 of the class, I would definitely invite somebody else. I don't care if she is 8 and is not her fault. if you raise your kids in a Nazi family then it's on you if they are excluded. plus the last thing I would like to see is the Alt-right personality show up at my house. if you invite my child over and I drop her off and find Richard Spencer I would cut your kid off the list of my kid's friends for sure and politely decline your future invitations

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP and understand your concerns. I also have the instinct it's not fair to punish the kid but I get your hesitations.

FWIW I grew up with a famous/very, very conservative father of a friend and I'm pretty liberal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was in 3rd grade, there were two kids running for class president. The white girl made posters saying "Vote for a real American for class president" because the other girl was biracial. When kids from my district play sports in rural areas those kids chant "Build the Wall" as one of their cheers. Kids say stuff. There were a bunch of articles about this kind of comment after Trump was arrested.

Ha! Freudian slip-that should say, when Trump got elected

Thank you. I totally needed a laugh. Arrested does make more sense but it's not our world.

[Anonymous]

How has no one mentioned why is she having a birthday party with so many friends? Null point, this event shouldn't happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How has no one mentioned why is she having a birthday party with so many friends? Null point, this event shouldn't happen.

How is no one thinking this is a troll post? Classic troll: ask question, wait, then add in the additional bomb-like details. Somehow she forgot that?

People: DON’T PET THE TROLL. It brings out the ugly in you.

[Anonymous]

No birthday parties please. No super spreader events. Be patriotic for once.

[Anonymous]

Jesus, she's 8 and they aren't close. Don't invite and don't overthink this.