What to do about daughter’s classmate? Outspoken racist parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ostracize the child and the entire family for their beliefs. Only way to stop this nonsense it to sever it from the rest of us. Let a little bit of this attitude get into the world and it taints everything. Better to let them be among themselves and not part of civil society.

You're not civil society. People can disagree its not their kids faults

Disagree with what you, keep saying disagree and beliefs. How is racism a belief?


It's not the same as I believe in Allah vs Jesus vs Vishnu, vs no god. It's not I believe in same sex marriage vs you not. It's not I'm pro life vs pro choice. It's not daycare vs nanny, private vs public.


It is literally thinking one human is superior to another based on skin color, and people should be treated better accordingly. How is that ok?

I don't think there's any evidence the 8yo believes that, and without knowing what the parent has said, I'd be suspicious if that's something that's come out of the parent's mouth either.

So you don't believe OP, that the girl's parents are racist. You don't believe it's possible for a child to repeat the racist behavior of their parents?

[Anonymous]

I guess none of you are voting for Biden because of his terrible track record with black people. Same for Kamala

[Anonymous]

How wonderful that the 8-year-old daughter of bigots goes to the same racially and economically diverse school your daughter attends.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think OP is overreacting. I would not welcome in my home a parent who espouses hate ideologies, and I would not want my child to be friends with their child. This is not a matter of tolerating differences of opinion. Hate ideology is dangerous and people who hold onto them should be shamed. We must not normalize it. I wouldn’t punish the child for the sins of her parents, but I would definitely be vigilant and if I hear hate speech, I’d address it head on. I’m white, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your daughter invite her friend. If the friend or parents say anything inappropriate, ask them to leave

+1

Do this until you see something FIRSTHAND that you don’t like. Right now you’re all riled up and speculating. Get to know them. Or at least let your children be friends. Once older diverse discussions can be hand. And learning to discuss many sides of a topic is a great skill. Knowing how to speculate and guess and out down others is not a skill, is a bad character trait.

Do you think this holds true if OP's daughter has a racially/ethnically diverse group of friends? I'm okay exposing my kid to ideas I find offensive and having hard conversations, but I don't think it's fair to the parents of her friends to invite them to a party where a kid may say "my dad says your family is probably illegal" or "I'm glad my dad isn't a thug."

Different poster, but this is my issue as well. What is the line here? I just take issue with the first hand part. IF this little girl says something like what you stated to another of her friends, it's fine to continue the relationship with the girl, because it wasn't firsthand?


People are goin on about the poor little girl and how she'll feel, but what about those poor little kids that have to be subjected to listening to her racism, or who may have already dealt with it, but now have to spend time with her in order to go to their friend's party.



I don't know the more I think about it, the more I am leaning towards no. 8 is not to young for this conversation in an age appropriate way.

The line is for something to actually happen. Nothing has happened yet. Op is speculating about what an 8yo might say, because she doesn't like what one of the child's parents says on tv.

But once the comment is made, then the harm is done. Read some memoirs, people those casual racist comments made in childhood for their whole lives. I could let kids play unsupervised in a pool because no one has drowned in it yet, but I wouldn't because I'm a responsible person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My elementary aged daughter goes to school with a little girl who is the daughter of a well known alt right media personality. My daughter is having a birthday party (outdoor in case you’re wondering) and wants to invite about a third of the little girls in her class to attend, with the aforementioned child being one of them.

I’m having some serious misgivings about allowing this. There have been indications from other parents that this child is already getting into the racist, nationalist rhetoric that her parent spouts on air and on social media. I haven’t witnessed it but with the way things are in this country and the fact that kids are so impressionable I want nothing to do with this girl or her family. I’m having guilt about excluding a child especially when it’s not her fault that her parent is so vicious, but I want my daughter to grow up knowing that this kind of thing has no place in society and doesn’t get rewarded with an invitation to a birthday party. The girls aren’t even close, for what it’s worth.

Please help me think this through and how i should approach it with my daughter. She’s 8.

Are these parents of your DD's other friends? I think that would be the deciding factor for me, I'd have a conversation with them, and then I'd be having a conversation with my DD.

[Anonymous]

Are you white? Will there be POC there? It’d be a slap in the face to me if I took my kid to a bday party and a known racist family was also there. White people need to check other white people or this crap continues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your daughter invite her friend. If the friend or parents say anything inappropriate, ask them to leave

+1

Do this until you see something FIRSTHAND that you don’t like. Right now you’re all riled up and speculating. Get to know them. Or at least let your children be friends. Once older diverse discussions can be hand. And learning to discuss many sides of a topic is a great skill. Knowing how to speculate and guess and out down others is not a skill, is a bad character trait.

Do you think this holds true if OP's daughter has a racially/ethnically diverse group of friends? I'm okay exposing my kid to ideas I find offensive and having hard conversations, but I don't think it's fair to the parents of her friends to invite them to a party where a kid may say "my dad says your family is probably illegal" or "I'm glad my dad isn't a thug."

Different poster, but this is my issue as well. What is the line here? I just take issue with the first hand part. IF this little girl says something like what you stated to another of her friends, it's fine to continue the relationship with the girl, because it wasn't firsthand?


People are goin on about the poor little girl and how she'll feel, but what about those poor little kids that have to be subjected to listening to her racism, or who may have already dealt with it, but now have to spend time with her in order to go to their friend's party.



I don't know the more I think about it, the more I am leaning towards no. 8 is not to young for this conversation in an age appropriate way.

The line is for something to actually happen. Nothing has happened yet. Op is speculating about what an 8yo might say, because she doesn't like what one of the child's parents says on tv.

But once the comment is made, then the harm is done. Read some memoirs, people those casual racist comments made in childhood for their whole lives. I could let kids play unsupervised in a pool because no one has drowned in it yet, but I wouldn't because I'm a responsible person.

Yup this. And it's important to remember there, that according to the OP the little girl has already said racist things. I feel sorry for the little girl to be brought up in that environment, and I honestly believe indoctrinating your child with racism is a form of abuse. But I think it's absolutely unfair to expect kids, who previously have been bullied by this girl to have to see her at a friend's party. Like I said before, if my child was invited and I knew this little girl would be there they would not be attending. Op, I think your daughter could end up losing some friends ovver this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this is the kind of stuff people did in Nazi Germany.
Their daughters were friends with the little Jewish girls until they weren't. Then the Jewish girls were excluded from the birthday parties.

Sure exclude the Jews, Muslims, Christians, Yazidis, and Republicans and Democrats.

You end up with Communist China or Soviet Russia.

Nobody is excluding people because of religion of political affiliation. They are excluding a racist.

Excluding based on some beliefs is OK, but not other beliefs.

Correct. Racism and white supremacy are not legitimate beliefs and should not be tolerated in a pluralistic, diverse society. Same as pedophilia and other dangerous “beliefs” and predilections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you white? Will there be POC there? It’d be a slap in the face to me if I took my kid to a bday party and a known racist family was also there. White people need to check other white people or this crap continues.

I think it's interesting, sad, and telling. That so many people are advocating for this girl to attend the party, when it's known she has said racist things to other kids before. Yet this same forum, has no problem telling people to not invite the kid, who made fun of their shirt, took their ball, parents let them watch hours of screens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

[Anonymous]

OP- seriously? Do not invite this kid. If the parents want to be a$$holes then part of that is that people don’t want to be around their kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

This settles it in my mind. I think the issue is not who her parents are, but her behavior historically. My family is black/brown and 1st-gen. We also have an 8yo, who has already been made fun of for her skin color and hair texture. I would not want my child attending a party with a child for whom this behavior is known. If anything, it's probably even more entrenched a year later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

Yup, that would be the dealbreaker for me. It's not fair to the other kids and their families. My kid and I socialize with all kinds of people. If my kid really wanted to, I would consider an individual playdate with this kid, but I would closely supervise and intervene to correct any remarks the one above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

Oh F no!!!

OP, you shouldn’t even allow your daughter to play with this child! Shame on you for even considering inviting her.