What to do about daughter’s classmate? Outspoken racist parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, no. My family doesn’t extend invites to racist families. I’m not sorry.

Plus 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's right to punish a child for her parent's actions. She has zero influence over what her parent says.

Assuming the parent is her father - I'm not a fan of punishing females (children, wives, sisters, etc) for what males say/do. I think it's very misogynistic and isolates females who need more support, not less.

Your daughter's friend will need positive influences in her life, and the more she's isolated, the deeper she's going to buy into her parent's beliefs.

I'm more concerned that you're only inviting 1/3 of the girls in her class. Everyone I know with kids in ES invite all the kids in the class (or at least all the girls).

You might be hanging out in pretty privileged circles. When my child was in ES and went to a bajillion birthday parties, only one was for the entire class and was held outdoors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this is the kind of stuff people did in Nazi Germany.
Their daughters were friends with the little Jewish girls until they weren't. Then the Jewish girls were excluded from the birthday parties.

Sure exclude the Jews, Muslims, Christians, Yazidis, and Republicans and Democrats.

You end up with Communist China or Soviet Russia.

What do China or Russia have to do with anything? Are you saying that you'd exclude a Chinese girl who just immigrated here from Communist China?

[Anonymous]

Invite the child. Be minimally polite to the parents but make it clear they better not spew their garbage around your child or in your home. Surely you know how to be superficially civil while icily making it clear you have no use for them and this is solely for the benefit of the children? Then if you have a moment alone, look the dad (it’s gotta be the dad) straight in the eye, tell him you’re very sorry about his penis, and walk away.

[Anonymous]

It’s not your responsibility to make sure the girl feels included. It’s not your responsibility to be the bigger person in this situation by inviting her. It IS your responsibility to stand by your morals and make a positive change in the way this country is headed. It IS your responsibility to make sure that you’re not knowingly letting a family with a history of racism and meanness into your home, and that the other children are sheltered from racism to the extent possible. Because let’s face it, they’re just children. Eight years old is not the time to make a sociology lesson out of her behavior, if you can avoid it. Given her comment to that little boy at the party, it’s clear this girl is already too far gone. Let her actions last year and the actions of her parents be instructive to them. If you want to play with the nice kids, you have to be nice yourself.

[Anonymous]

Don't invite this girl or her parents. They sound ill-mannered and boorish on top of being racist.

Invite and be welcoming to more diverse group of kids and their parents.

Show kindness, acceptance, hospitality and good manners to all the invited people. Create a congenial enviornment,

Finally, goody bags can include masks and hand sanitizers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your daughter invite her friend. If the friend or parents say anything inappropriate, ask them to leave

This.

I honestly can’t believe you’d hold the actions of her parents against an 8 year old girl without the girl ever doing anything offensive in your presence before.

Op - you are part of our country’s problems.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My elementary aged daughter goes to school with a little girl who is the daughter of a well known alt right media personality. My daughter is having a birthday party (outdoor in case you’re wondering) and wants to invite about a third of the little girls in her class to attend, with the aforementioned child being one of them.

I’m having some serious misgivings about allowing this. There have been indications from other parents that this child is already getting into the racist, nationalist rhetoric that her parent spouts on air and on social media. I haven’t witnessed it but with the way things are in this country and the fact that kids are so impressionable I want nothing to do with this girl or her family. I’m having guilt about excluding a child especially when it’s not her fault that her parent is so vicious, but I want my daughter to grow up knowing that this kind of thing has no place in society and doesn’t get rewarded with an invitation to a birthday party. The girls aren’t even close, for what it’s worth.

Please help me think this through and how i should approach it with my daughter. She’s 8.

Would you really punish a little girl for her parent's beliefs? Why not show kindness so she can see how people should live.

+1 You can be a racist, a bigot, or both OP. Or you can be none of them. Choose none.

This reply males zero sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your daughter invite her friend. If the friend or parents say anything inappropriate, ask them to leave

This.

I honestly can’t believe you’d hold the actions of her parents against an 8 year old girl without the girl ever doing anything offensive in your presence before.

Op - you are part of our country’s problems.

+1

No. I believe ignoring racism and acting like it's no big deal is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's right to punish a child for her parent's actions. She has zero influence over what her parent says.

Assuming the parent is her father - I'm not a fan of punishing females (children, wives, sisters, etc) for what males say/do. I think it's very misogynistic and isolates females who need more support, not less.

Your daughter's friend will need positive influences in her life, and the more she's isolated, the deeper she's going to buy into her parent's beliefs.

I'm more concerned that you're only inviting 1/3 of the girls in her class. Everyone I know with kids in ES invite all the kids in the class (or at least all the girls).

I was with you until you said she should invite all the girls. You must be a snowflake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your daughter invite her friend. If the friend or parents say anything inappropriate, ask them to leave

I honestly don't know. I think I would like to go with this, but I would not what to have an outspoken racist in my home. Racism isn't a political belief. It's not a different culture or religion, such that the excuse your child needs to interact with all kinds of people would apply.


The child has already repeated the racist rhetoric of her parent. How many of OP's daughter's other friends will allow them to go to the party? I know I wouldn't allow my child to attend or play with a child who was doing this, whose parents encouraged it.

I wouldn't want to allow myself to be used to normalize racism.

At the same time, the child in question is only 8 still pretty young. If she was just a few years older I would have no problem telling my child she was not welcome, and would hope by age 11 or so my child would have the wisdom to identify and not want to associate with someone racist.


So I think I am leaning towards allowing the girl to come, but any hint of racism she is gone, immediately, never to be invited back again.

I also hope , OP, you are talking with your daughter regularly about things she may have heard or seen from her friend, and what she can do or say in response.

Well, neither OP or her daughter have seen or heard anything. Just acting on rumor, supposition, and bias. Being conservative doesn't make you racist.

Correct. But OP is not complaining about a little girl with a Conservative parents, who repeats their conservative views, she's complaining about racist parents, whose daughter has repeated their racist views, and wonders if she should have this girl at a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your daughter invite her friend. If the friend or parents say anything inappropriate, ask them to leave

This.

I honestly can’t believe you’d hold the actions of her parents against an 8 year old girl without the girl ever doing anything offensive in your presence before.

Op - you are part of our country’s problems.

+1

No. I believe ignoring racism and acting like it's no big deal is the problem.

If you invite this girl and she tells another minority child to “go back where they came from” or “prove that they’re an American citizen” that’s on OP. You knew that she spews her parents racist tropes and you welcomed her into your home. That says a lot about OP. Condoning racist behavior is just as terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

That kid is NOT welcome in my house, or to play w my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your daughter invite her friend. If the friend or parents say anything inappropriate, ask them to leave

This.

I honestly can’t believe you’d hold the actions of her parents against an 8 year old girl without the girl ever doing anything offensive in your presence before.

Op - you are part of our country’s problems.

+1

No. I believe ignoring racism and acting like it's no big deal is the problem.

If you invite this girl and she tells another minority child to “go back where they came from” or “prove that they’re an American citizen” that’s on OP. You knew that she spews her parents racist tropes and you welcomed her into your home. That says a lot about OP. Condoning racist behavior is just as terrible.

I agree. But I do find it interesting OP has had no problem with her daughter spending time with this girl for the last year,after the party last year until now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless there’s something specific that’s happened to your daughter by this kid you should just invite her.

Op here. She didn’t do anything specific to my child. But last summer there was a birthday party for another kid, at which a little boy of Latin American descent was a guest. The girl in question told him that he needed to prove to everyone he’s American otherwise he didn’t belong at the party. They were all seven years old at the time. Seven. My daughter wasn’t at that party but apparently the little boy went home in tears and all the other parents were outraged.

I want my home to be a safe place for all kids. I don’t want any child to experience this kind of hatred and to invite her would feel like I’m just turning a blind eye to it.

That kid is NOT welcome in my house, or to play w my kids.

Exactly. I was someone that was on the fence. But this isn't just a sad case of a child being raised by racists. This is the sad case of a child raised by racists, who has a history of racially abusing another child in the friend group.. After this incident the entire family would not be welcome in my home, nor would the kids be playing together.