What to do about daughter’s classmate? Outspoken racist parent

[Anonymous]

If it was a 1-on-1 playdate, I'd be more inclined to give it a go and have the kid come over. I do think in my own family and with other people, that people are more likely to see other points of view when they are met with love. However, for a party, I have to think of all of my guests. For one thing, my kid's best friend is Black and trans, I can't be inviting over outspoken white nationalists just to see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let your daughter invite her friend. If the friend or parents say anything inappropriate, ask them to leave

I honestly don't know. I think I would like to go with this, but I would not what to have an outspoken racist in my home. Racism isn't a political belief. It's not a different culture or religion, such that the excuse your child needs to interact with all kinds of people would apply.


The child has already repeated the racist rhetoric of her parent. How many of OP's daughter's other friends will allow them to go to the party? I know I wouldn't allow my child to attend or play with a child who was doing this, whose parents encouraged it.

I wouldn't want to allow myself to be used to normalize racism.

At the same time, the child in question is only 8 still pretty young. If she was just a few years older I would have no problem telling my child she was not welcome, and would hope by age 11 or so my child would have the wisdom to identify and not want to associate with someone racist.


So I think I am leaning towards allowing the girl to come, but any hint of racism she is gone, immediately, never to be invited back again.

I also hope , OP, you are talking with your daughter regularly about things she may have heard or seen from her friend, and what she can do or say in response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let your daughter invite her friend. If the friend or parents say anything inappropriate, ask them to leave

+1

Do this until you see something FIRSTHAND that you don’t like. Right now you’re all riled up and speculating. Get to know them. Or at least let your children be friends. Once older diverse discussions can be hand. And learning to discuss many sides of a topic is a great skill. Knowing how to speculate and guess and out down others is not a skill, is a bad character trait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I hope you know that those of us who are conservative have to deal with this all the time and we are able to do it easily. I don't fault kids for their parent's misguided beliefs.

Because liberals have values that offend you like healthcare for all and let’s let everyone vote. Give me a break. Alt right is a synonym for nazi. OP, I’m shocked at people saying to invite the child. Sorry for the kid, but I wouldn’t invite hitler’s kids to a party either. If you wouldn’t have the parents in your home, you shouldn’t invite the kid. It is a unspoken way of saying you accept who they are. They do not belong in polite society.

Wow, are you terrible. Find some religion, any religion.

So not inclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your daughter invite her friend. If the friend or parents say anything inappropriate, ask them to leave

+1

Do this until you see something FIRSTHAND that you don’t like. Right now you’re all riled up and speculating. Get to know them. Or at least let your children be friends. Once older diverse discussions can be hand. And learning to discuss many sides of a topic is a great skill. Knowing how to speculate and guess and out down others is not a skill, is a bad character trait.

Do you think this holds true if OP's daughter has a racially/ethnically diverse group of friends? I'm okay exposing my kid to ideas I find offensive and having hard conversations, but I don't think it's fair to the parents of her friends to invite them to a party where a kid may say "my dad says your family is probably illegal" or "I'm glad my dad isn't a thug."

[Anonymous]

Diversity, tolerance, inclusiveness...doesn't just apply to people you agree with.

Why would you want to engineer a homogeneous friend group for your kids? I thought it was a good thing to expose your children to different backgrounds, opinions etc? Its up to you to form their value system and guide them and hope they make the right decisions.

I get that you find the parents' opinions distasteful, but that's not a reason to ostracize a little girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ostracize the child and the entire family for their beliefs. Only way to stop this nonsense it to sever it from the rest of us. Let a little bit of this attitude get into the world and it taints everything. Better to let them be among themselves and not part of civil society.

You're not civil society. People can disagree its not their kids faults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your daughter invite her friend. If the friend or parents say anything inappropriate, ask them to leave

+1

Do this until you see something FIRSTHAND that you don’t like. Right now you’re all riled up and speculating. Get to know them. Or at least let your children be friends. Once older diverse discussions can be hand. And learning to discuss many sides of a topic is a great skill. Knowing how to speculate and guess and out down others is not a skill, is a bad character trait.

Do you think this holds true if OP's daughter has a racially/ethnically diverse group of friends? I'm okay exposing my kid to ideas I find offensive and having hard conversations, but I don't think it's fair to the parents of her friends to invite them to a party where a kid may say "my dad says your family is probably illegal" or "I'm glad my dad isn't a thug."

Different poster, but this is my issue as well. What is the line here? I just take issue with the first hand part. IF this little girl says something like what you stated to another of her friends, it's fine to continue the relationship with the girl, because it wasn't firsthand?


People are goin on about the poor little girl and how she'll feel, but what about those poor little kids that have to be subjected to listening to her racism, or who may have already dealt with it, but now have to spend time with her in order to go to their friend's party.



I don't know the more I think about it, the more I am leaning towards no. 8 is not to young for this conversation in an age appropriate way.

[Anonymous]

The parents job and politics are their business. I care how they treat my kid. But, I would not allow my child to go due to COVID, not politics. Otherwise, fine to go. Don't blame the kid for the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ostracize the child and the entire family for their beliefs. Only way to stop this nonsense it to sever it from the rest of us. Let a little bit of this attitude get into the world and it taints everything. Better to let them be among themselves and not part of civil society.

You're not civil society. People can disagree its not their kids faults

Disagree with what you, keep saying disagree and beliefs. How is racism a belief?


It's not the same as I believe in Allah vs Jesus vs Vishnu, vs no god. It's not I believe in same sex marriage vs you not. It's not I'm pro life vs pro choice. It's not daycare vs nanny, private vs public.


It is literally thinking one human is superior to another based on skin color, and people should be treated better accordingly. How is that ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your daughter invite her friend. If the friend or parents say anything inappropriate, ask them to leave

+1

Do this until you see something FIRSTHAND that you don’t like. Right now you’re all riled up and speculating. Get to know them. Or at least let your children be friends. Once older diverse discussions can be hand. And learning to discuss many sides of a topic is a great skill. Knowing how to speculate and guess and out down others is not a skill, is a bad character trait.

Do you think this holds true if OP's daughter has a racially/ethnically diverse group of friends? I'm okay exposing my kid to ideas I find offensive and having hard conversations, but I don't think it's fair to the parents of her friends to invite them to a party where a kid may say "my dad says your family is probably illegal" or "I'm glad my dad isn't a thug."

Different poster, but this is my issue as well. What is the line here? I just take issue with the first hand part. IF this little girl says something like what you stated to another of her friends, it's fine to continue the relationship with the girl, because it wasn't firsthand?


People are goin on about the poor little girl and how she'll feel, but what about those poor little kids that have to be subjected to listening to her racism, or who may have already dealt with it, but now have to spend time with her in order to go to their friend's party.



I don't know the more I think about it, the more I am leaning towards no. 8 is not to young for this conversation in an age appropriate way.

The line is for something to actually happen. Nothing has happened yet. Op is speculating about what an 8yo might say, because she doesn't like what one of the child's parents says on tv.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The parents job and politics are their business. I care how they treat my kid. But, I would not allow my child to go due to COVID, not politics. Otherwise, fine to go. Don't blame the kid for the parents.

How is racism politics or just business?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ostracize the child and the entire family for their beliefs. Only way to stop this nonsense it to sever it from the rest of us. Let a little bit of this attitude get into the world and it taints everything. Better to let them be among themselves and not part of civil society.

You're not civil society. People can disagree its not their kids faults

Disagree with what you, keep saying disagree and beliefs. How is racism a belief?


It's not the same as I believe in Allah vs Jesus vs Vishnu, vs no god. It's not I believe in same sex marriage vs you not. It's not I'm pro life vs pro choice. It's not daycare vs nanny, private vs public.


It is literally thinking one human is superior to another based on skin color, and people should be treated better accordingly. How is that ok?

I don't think there's any evidence the 8yo believes that, and without knowing what the parent has said, I'd be suspicious if that's something that's come out of the parent's mouth either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your daughter invite her friend. If the friend or parents say anything inappropriate, ask them to leave

+1

Do this until you see something FIRSTHAND that you don’t like. Right now you’re all riled up and speculating. Get to know them. Or at least let your children be friends. Once older diverse discussions can be hand. And learning to discuss many sides of a topic is a great skill. Knowing how to speculate and guess and out down others is not a skill, is a bad character trait.

Do you think this holds true if OP's daughter has a racially/ethnically diverse group of friends? I'm okay exposing my kid to ideas I find offensive and having hard conversations, but I don't think it's fair to the parents of her friends to invite them to a party where a kid may say "my dad says your family is probably illegal" or "I'm glad my dad isn't a thug."

Different poster, but this is my issue as well. What is the line here? I just take issue with the first hand part. IF this little girl says something like what you stated to another of her friends, it's fine to continue the relationship with the girl, because it wasn't firsthand?


People are goin on about the poor little girl and how she'll feel, but what about those poor little kids that have to be subjected to listening to her racism, or who may have already dealt with it, but now have to spend time with her in order to go to their friend's party.



I don't know the more I think about it, the more I am leaning towards no. 8 is not to young for this conversation in an age appropriate way.

The line is for something to actually happen. Nothing has happened yet. Op is speculating about what an 8yo might say, because she doesn't like what one of the child's parents says on tv.

OP said the girl has already said racist things according to other parents. So it's really not just speculation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I hope you know that those of us who are conservative have to deal with this all the time and we are able to do it easily. I don't fault kids for their parent's misguided beliefs.

Because liberals have values that offend you like healthcare for all and let’s let everyone vote. Give me a break. Alt right is a synonym for nazi. OP, I’m shocked at people saying to invite the child. Sorry for the kid, but I wouldn’t invite hitler’s kids to a party either. If you wouldn’t have the parents in your home, you shouldn’t invite the kid. It is a unspoken way of saying you accept who they are. They do not belong in polite society.

Wow, are you terrible. Find some religion, any religion.

So not inclusive.

Pp thinks we are hypocrites because we won’t tolerate intolerance. And thinks that position is moral and witty.