I'm afraid I've seriously damaged my children's lives - need perspective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how did your current wife support herself and her children before you came along?

Also curious about whether you left your ex-wife for her, but I guess the answer to that doesn't really matter at this point.

Child support plus mom plus working. I did leave the ex for her. Nuclear karma.

Just beating myself up extra tonight because I’m reading about FB friends kids getting into colleges and I don’t have two nickels for my own kids. Somehow my parents managed to get me thru making probably 30% of what I make. I deserve whatever happens to me.

So you had zero religious issues with cheating on your first wife and leaving her for another woman, but now that you're in an abusive relationship, you suddenly worry about the wrath if God if you leave? I'm scratching my head on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster.
I read your other topic a bit.
Your new wife has manipulated you into giving up your kids and supporting hers instead.
You decide what to do about it.

What was the financial picture when new wife went crazy and made you abandon your kids? Had your income changed at that time? Maybe she was ok with spending on both sets of kids and once the well dried up, she needed to get your kids out of the way to make sure her kids didn't have a change in lifestyle. In addition to her being an evil sociopath and you being a moron.

I was doing well at that time. Once the drama started and she saw the impact on me everything started to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this OP is definitely not a man.

I have posted two threads - linked the other one above - and I am definitely male.
My life is a shitshow which makes all of this sound too crazy to be real, but it is.

In trying to do the right thing - stay loyal to my wife - I have managed to destroy myself and deeply injure those I love.

With my resources/health/likely inability to find a job elsewhere/virus I’m trapped right now.

Oh, no, not at all OP, you are IN the right place. It is called Hell that you created for others
and did not realized that you created one for yourself as well. Stay put.

I have struggled with the because I believe in Gods forgiveness but I also feel doomed and hopeless.,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this OP is definitely not a man.

NP, and the online gender analyzer that I ran the OP's texts through agree with you. OP is not a man.

Enough already, I am most certainly male. What a weird angle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP where was your conviction about staging loyal to your spouse with your first wife? You were able to get a divorce and overcome that sense of obligation.

You make your own decisions. You are not actually “one” with your wife.

You have stood by (this is a decision YOU made) while she ABUSED your children and then you PARTICIPATED IN ABUSING your children.

At what point would you have decided to grown a spine, and stood up for yourself and your children? When she had a knife at your daughters carotid? Gun to the chest?

You can change this. You make your own decisions. Get therapy for yourself or if you can’t really afford that (because purchasing hobby items is more important than your mental health and you as the breadwinner do nothing to intervene) get a self help book.

As I said I think I was depressed when I left #1. She was also acting out but in hindsight I think it was extreme stress at my suddenly pulling away and her own childhood abandonment issues. I did seek religious, individual and marital counseling; the marital counseling didn’t go well and she wasn’t following what we agreed to do which really bugged me.

I think her behavior made me mad and I was partially acting out to “punish” her. Like a stupid child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP where was your conviction about staging loyal to your spouse with your first wife? You were able to get a divorce and overcome that sense of obligation.

You make your own decisions. You are not actually “one” with your wife.

You have stood by (this is a decision YOU made) while she ABUSED your children and then you PARTICIPATED IN ABUSING your children.

At what point would you have decided to grown a spine, and stood up for yourself and your children? When she had a knife at your daughters carotid? Gun to the chest?

You can change this. You make your own decisions. Get therapy for yourself or if you can’t really afford that (because purchasing hobby items is more important than your mental health and you as the breadwinner do nothing to intervene) get a self help book.

As I said I think I was depressed when I left #1. She was also acting out but in hindsight I think it was extreme stress at my suddenly pulling away and her own childhood abandonment issues. I did seek religious, individual and marital counseling; the marital counseling didn’t go well and she wasn’t following what we agreed to do which really bugged me.

I think her behavior made me mad and I was partially acting out to “punish” her. Like a stupid child.

You punished your kids too. I won't say that you should rot in hell, because you are in hell right now. Send this thread to your kids. Perhaps this will be therapeutic to them in some ways

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to make a change NOW. TODAY. Pick up your children and say hello. Apologize to them. Who gives a F@CK what your current wife or her children think?

Leave your wife. You're already screwed financially and not in a good place mentally. The only way any of this has a chance to improve is if you leave your wife and mend your relationship with your children.

Your wife's financial situation is not your problem. Why did she stop working?

Seriously, start the separation TODAY. Put her on notice and start sleeping in another room. Who cares if she acts out because of it? Your life is already hell.

[Anonymous]

OP you wife is a horrible and terrible person. At the very least she is extremely controlling and manipulative. More likely she is devious and mean and wants to cut your kids from your life.
You have also been a very crappy dad. I cannot believe you chose your wife over your kids. You wife has no say in your relationship with your kids...
Your poor children... I hope you still have time to mend your relationships.
Your wife is also an idiot and likely not intelligent nor educated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this OP is definitely not a man.

I have posted two threads - linked the other one above - and I am definitely male.
My life is a shitshow which makes all of this sound too crazy to be real, but it is.

In trying to do the right thing - stay loyal to my wife - I have managed to destroy myself and deeply injure those I love.

With my resources/health/likely inability to find a job elsewhere/virus I’m trapped right now.

I'm glad I skipped to the end, I was about to reply on the 1st page and then my "Troll Senses" kicked in. Just in the 1st couple of pages when you see a trend of the OP not answering key, repeated questions and instead just offering other "snippets" of the scenario that are just to sound more and more helpless... I call Troll.

Because anyone who really wants help on this, is going to answer the relevant and key questions people ask in an effort to help.

Pretty sure this OP is very proud ot have strung a lot of people along in their attention for 8+ pages now...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this OP is definitely not a man.

I have posted two threads - linked the other one above - and I am definitely male.
My life is a shitshow which makes all of this sound too crazy to be real, but it is.

In trying to do the right thing - stay loyal to my wife - I have managed to destroy myself and deeply injure those I love.

With my resources/health/likely inability to find a job elsewhere/virus I’m trapped right now.

I'm glad I skipped to the end, I was about to reply on the 1st page and then my "Troll Senses" kicked in. Just in the 1st couple of pages when you see a trend of the OP not answering key, repeated questions and instead just offering other "snippets" of the scenario that are just to sound more and more helpless... I call Troll.

Because anyone who really wants help on this, is going to answer the relevant and key questions people ask in an effort to help.

Pretty sure this OP is very proud ot have strung a lot of people along in their attention for 8+ pages now...

Point out what I missed and I’ll try to address it. 100% not trolling. I can’t prove a negative though.

[Anonymous]

OP, why did your wife stop working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this OP is definitely not a man.

I have posted two threads - linked the other one above - and I am definitely male.
My life is a shitshow which makes all of this sound too crazy to be real, but it is.

In trying to do the right thing - stay loyal to my wife - I have managed to destroy myself and deeply injure those I love.

With my resources/health/likely inability to find a job elsewhere/virus I’m trapped right now.

I'm glad I skipped to the end, I was about to reply on the 1st page and then my "Troll Senses" kicked in. Just in the 1st couple of pages when you see a trend of the OP not answering key, repeated questions and instead just offering other "snippets" of the scenario that are just to sound more and more helpless... I call Troll.

Because anyone who really wants help on this, is going to answer the relevant and key questions people ask in an effort to help.

Pretty sure this OP is very proud ot have strung a lot of people along in their attention for 8+ pages now...

Point out what I missed and I’ll try to address it. 100% not trolling. I can’t prove a negative though.

Op, I think you’re wallowing and ruminating on the past. Contact your kids and apologize. Stay off dcum for at least 72 hours. Call the nami hotline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why did your wife stop working?

She was let go and didn’t need to work. I made multiples of her income. And then my health started to slip and she spent more time on me, shuttling kids around with combined families, etc.

In hindsight her work history should have been a red flag. Very inconsistent. I was blind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this OP is definitely not a man.

I have posted two threads - linked the other one above - and I am definitely male.
My life is a shitshow which makes all of this sound too crazy to be real, but it is.

In trying to do the right thing - stay loyal to my wife - I have managed to destroy myself and deeply injure those I love.

With my resources/health/likely inability to find a job elsewhere/virus I’m trapped right now.

I'm glad I skipped to the end, I was about to reply on the 1st page and then my "Troll Senses" kicked in. Just in the 1st couple of pages when you see a trend of the OP not answering key, repeated questions and instead just offering other "snippets" of the scenario that are just to sound more and more helpless... I call Troll.

Because anyone who really wants help on this, is going to answer the relevant and key questions people ask in an effort to help.

Pretty sure this OP is very proud ot have strung a lot of people along in their attention for 8+ pages now...

Point out what I missed and I’ll try to address it. 100% not trolling. I can’t prove a negative though.

Op, I think you’re wallowing and ruminating on the past. Contact your kids and apologize. Stay off dcum for at least 72 hours. Call the nami hotline.

She accuses me of ruminating a lot. And I do.

She tells me I need to be present “for my family” and I keep saying I feel like it’s impossible because of family (my kids)/health/job/financial stress. And then we fight because of it and because I’m not letting God work in mynlifecetc

[Anonymous]

You are in an abusive relationship. Get out. That is step 1. Don't worry about step 2, 3, 4, etc until that step is done.