I'm afraid I've seriously damaged my children's lives - need perspective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, dude. Your depressed because your wife is abusive and you place absurd religious expectations on yourself.

It's probably tough to lose the wife right now, but lose the religious BS. God doesn't want you to be miserable (and if he did, he's a shitty god not worth caring about anyway).

Start establishing boundaries. Quit letting your wife dictate what you do. She'll throw a fit, just treat it like you would a toddler- be firm, don't get into an argument. If she doesn't like it, she's free to leave.

Although if you want an easy way out I guess you could just tell her you've converted to atheism or whatever.

Shit, I forgot to address the kid thing. You may have done damage, but it's amazing how damage can be undone when you start developing healthy, deep personal connection. A really good parenting course I took said upfront parents should not feel guilty; it's counterproductive and the best thing you can do is change things from now on. I don't know how old your kids are, and it sounds like you can't afford family therapy, but you could find some really good books to help you out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is absolutely a troll. He drops in a comment to get people riled up every once in a while. He's not really asking anything on here.

I was going to post the same. This troll has been posting so many threads and the writing style is the same. They keep making up stuff as they go along to rile people.

I remember a thread in the Family Relationships forum about some art work that could be worth something and the OP did not want to share with siblings.

Pretty sure its the same troll.

[Anonymous]

And this OP is definitely not a man.

[Anonymous]

OP, how did your current wife support herself and her children before you came along?

Also curious about whether you left your ex-wife for her, but I guess the answer to that doesn't really matter at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And this OP is definitely not a man.

I have posted two threads - linked the other one above - and I am definitely male.
My life is a shitshow which makes all of this sound too crazy to be real, but it is.

In trying to do the right thing - stay loyal to my wife - I have managed to destroy myself and deeply injure those I love.

With my resources/health/likely inability to find a job elsewhere/virus I’m trapped right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how did your current wife support herself and her children before you came along?

Also curious about whether you left your ex-wife for her, but I guess the answer to that doesn't really matter at this point.

Child support plus mom plus working. I did leave the ex for her. Nuclear karma.

Just beating myself up extra tonight because I’m reading about FB friends kids getting into colleges and I don’t have two nickels for my own kids. Somehow my parents managed to get me thru making probably 30% of what I make. I deserve whatever happens to me.

[Anonymous]

New poster.
I read your other topic a bit.
Your new wife has manipulated you into giving up your kids and supporting hers instead.
You decide what to do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster.
I read your other topic a bit.
Your new wife has manipulated you into giving up your kids and supporting hers instead.
You decide what to do about it.

What was the financial picture when new wife went crazy and made you abandon your kids? Had your income changed at that time? Maybe she was ok with spending on both sets of kids and once the well dried up, she needed to get your kids out of the way to make sure her kids didn't have a change in lifestyle. In addition to her being an evil sociopath and you being a moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also wife #2 persuaded me to throw out all the photos of me and the ex and the kids. I took the position it was their history and they were entitled to have it. Lost that one and was persuaded to toss it all.

That was agonizing.

Seriously? I would have her flying out of the house first. You sold your soul.

[Anonymous]

Was it worth it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this OP is definitely not a man.

I have posted two threads - linked the other one above - and I am definitely male.
My life is a shitshow which makes all of this sound too crazy to be real, but it is.

In trying to do the right thing - stay loyal to my wife - I have managed to destroy myself and deeply injure those I love.

With my resources/health/likely inability to find a job elsewhere/virus I’m trapped right now.

Oh, no, not at all OP, you are IN the right place. It is called Hell that you created for others
and did not realized that you created one for yourself as well. Stay put.

[Anonymous]

You should by all means reconnect with your children. I don’t agree with your wife’s behaviour at all. She should be supporting you and not alienating you from the people that mean the most to you, your children. Reconnect before it’s too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also wife #2 persuaded me to throw out all the photos of me and the ex and the kids. I took the position it was their history and they were entitled to have it. Lost that one and was persuaded to toss it all.

That was agonizing.

Omg is this real? She sounds like a Disney villain.

No she doesn't., OP sounds like an idiot./ How does somebody pursuade you not to see your kids. It looks like OP haas learned nothing. I bet he will tell you his first wife was manipulative too. Some people go through life blaming others even for things that are fundamentally their own fairlures.

OP, first, you need to grow up. Take complete responsibility for your failure as a parent. Your wife does not have the power to keep you aaway from your kids. That's on you, not partially on you-Absolutely, completely on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And this OP is definitely not a man.

NP, and the online gender analyzer that I ran the OP's texts through agree with you. OP is not a man.

[Anonymous]

OP where was your conviction about staging loyal to your spouse with your first wife? You were able to get a divorce and overcome that sense of obligation.

You make your own decisions. You are not actually “one” with your wife.

You have stood by (this is a decision YOU made) while she ABUSED your children and then you PARTICIPATED IN ABUSING your children.

At what point would you have decided to grown a spine, and stood up for yourself and your children? When she had a knife at your daughters carotid? Gun to the chest?

You can change this. You make your own decisions. Get therapy for yourself or if you can’t really afford that (because purchasing hobby items is more important than your mental health and you as the breadwinner do nothing to intervene) get a self help book.