I'm afraid I've seriously damaged my children's lives - need perspective

[Anonymous]

I would try to contact the domestic abuse hotline because basically this is domestic abuse in the form of extreme control and manipulation. Isolating you from family members is a hallmark of abuse.

https://www.thehotline.org/help/

[Anonymous]

Have you made any changes yet?

[Anonymous]

How are you doing? Please update if you still are reading here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Request family therapy for just yourself and the kids. You can do this request via the courts if your XW will not agree. Do not request a change in visitation. You are not there yet.

Visitation (custody) is not possible or desirable for reasons, but I'm being talked out of stuff like meeting them in the park for a chat or going for a drive or having lunch.

I cannot emphasize enough how involved I used to me in their lives. I feel like a monster the more I think about this.

I haven't read any further than this but it seems as if you are extremely manipulative
You're painting yourself as some sort of martyr who would be super dad, if not for the evil hand of current wife, ex wife and even kids 1 and 2.
You take no direct responsibility for anything except to say you were manipulated or persuaded..even into tossing pictures of your own children in a bin
Grow up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Request family therapy for just yourself and the kids. You can do this request via the courts if your XW will not agree. Do not request a change in visitation. You are not there yet.

Visitation (custody) is not possible or desirable for reasons, but I'm being talked out of stuff like meeting them in the park for a chat or going for a drive or having lunch.

I cannot emphasize enough how involved I used to me in their lives. I feel like a monster the more I think about this.

I haven't read any further than this but it seems as if you are extremely manipulative
You're painting yourself as some sort of martyr who would be super dad, if not for the evil hand of current wife, ex wife and even kids 1 and 2.
You take no direct responsibility for anything except to say you were manipulated or persuaded..even into tossing pictures of your own children in a bin
Grow up

I forgot to address the elephant in the room.
OP your mental health "issues" need to be addressed and medicated before you contact your children ever again.
This is not depression or anxiety. Those things are the end result of your underlying mental issue and the actions you take because of it.
The only damage you are doing to your children is making them bear witness to your breakdown. Leave them out of it until you have found the help you need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I "know" I need to get away but I don't know how. Literally.

In doing so I could make all of us homeless. At the worst conceivable time since the Great Depression.

What do I? Leave and go live with my very elderly parents? I can't afford my own place. I'll lose almost everything I own. She'll lose almost everything she owns.

Of course if I get fired or lose pay we're there anyway. perfect

Whatever you do...you are still able to call you children tomorrow and tell them you love them and that you are sorry. Ask them to forgive you and say every minute that you haven't been speaking was a mistake. Tell them they are the most important thing in your life. This is all that matters. Don't waste another day. My dad has done horrible horrible things to my mother and others, but I forgive all of it because I know he is truly sorry and truly loves me. Your wife is not what I consider a christian.

[Anonymous]

OP, you continue to take zero responsibility and shift blame to your ex, your current wife, and your kids.

Unfortunately there is no cure for narcissism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I "know" I need to get away but I don't know how. Literally.

In doing so I could make all of us homeless. At the worst conceivable time since the Great Depression.

What do I? Leave and go live with my very elderly parents? I can't afford my own place. I'll lose almost everything I own. She'll lose almost everything she owns.

Of course if I get fired or lose pay we're there anyway. perfect

Whatever you do...you are still able to call you children tomorrow and tell them you love them and that you are sorry. Ask them to forgive you and say every minute that you haven't been speaking was a mistake. Tell them they are the most important thing in your life. This is all that matters. Don't waste another day. My dad has done horrible horrible things to my mother and others, but I forgive all of it because I know he is truly sorry and truly loves me. Your wife is not what I consider a christian.

Imagine being a teen and having your estranged father go from cutting you out of his life completely for TWO YEARS to calling with melodramatic martyrdom. When the stress of pandemic is over he will flip over to some other form of emotional abuse. Theyre better off with as little contact as possible.

[Anonymous]

you are drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you continue to take zero responsibility and shift blame to your ex, your current wife, and your kids.

Unfortunately there is no cure for narcissism.

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