Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is also funny is if a stepgrandparent posts on DCUM about being neglected by the stepgrandkids despite of all the gifts and attention lavished on them in the past, people will respond with "What did you expect? You're not their real grandparent!"

Please cite an example of such a post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As much as some on DCUM want to push the narrative that we are all one big happy blended family the truth is that family members do distinguish between bio/step/half/adopted children and one category can be favored over another by parents, grandparents, siblings and other familiy members well into adulthood.

As for this story:

- Your mom knows full well that her step children aka her husband's bio kids/grandkids are getting million dollar gifts and you aka her bio children are getting the dollar store stuff.

- Your stepfather knows this as well.

-Your mom is not oblivious or dumb to the $$ disparities. She doesn't want to mess up her meal ticket in your step father.

-She is including you in the $$ present picking as her way to ease her guilt from the disparities and excuse herself from any fault in the matter and has convinced herself that you are fine with it because you go along with the present picking and listen to the stories.

I'm the non-bio grandkids PP. Thank you for this. I don't know why DCUM pushes this "everyone is equal" narrative. If it didn't work for Communism, it's not working for individual families. Just because one of our sons was married to a woman who already had 4 kids by three different dads, doesn't make them our grandkids. Yes, we take them out when they visit but they shouldn't expect a single cent from our estate. I don't think why people consider this hurtful but it's the truth.

Wow, you punish the children for the perceived sins of their parents. Wow.

How is the PP punishing the children? They don't get anything extra. If the son marries three different times and all of his wives have three kids, is PP supposed to be including all of them in her will? Not sure if you're on top of current affairs, but the divorce rate in this country is 50%. Stepgrandkids are no longer related should the marriage break up, which is very often. But the bio grandkids will always be in the picture because of kinship. So it makes sense to just focus their efforts and resources on them. SMH all these pearl clutchers.

PP leaps to the will question but her original claim is that she doesn't give gifts to her bio grandchildren to avoid a guilt trip for not purchasing for the non bio grandchildren.

Wills are complicated and personal and no one has to know about it until you die. They remember how you were in real life to soothe any wounds the will creates. PP will apparently have a pack of grandkids, some bio, some not, all of whom will have been neglected by their grandparents. PP says that she deprives all of her grandkids of presents in order to stick it to the non bio grandkids.

PP is truly a horrible person. I wonder how many people will show up to the will reading or the funeral when she and her stingy anti blended family self have departed. Maybe they just won't care since PP has been so absent and crotchety.

[Anonymous]

The problem isn't that the step parent is spending more on his biological kids than his step kids. Biological kids from parents with money often do not want split their parents finances or inheritances with the step kids.

The problem is that OP's mother is going on about all these expensive experiences and gifts that OP doesn't get to participate in. Its very likely that OP's mother also got a few designer bags for herself while she was on the trip and has a lot of material things. It doesn't sound like OP actually wants these things but its pretty sucky to have your own mother bragging about how awesome her life is with her new family -for which OP is not included.

If OP's mom is living in a very high income bracket/lifestyle then the idea that the only thing she could manage to get her daughter is a $75 gift card is not likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Your posts only serve to show how horrible some people can be towards children.

Just pointing out we're not talking about children on this thread but grown up step siblings in their 20s and 30s. And a mom who remarried when her daughter was in her 20s.

[Anonymous]

I would bet that the step dad shops for none of these gifts. He probably tells the mother what to buy for his kids and doesn't have any idea what mom buys her own kid/SIL/grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem isn't that the step parent is spending more on his biological kids than his step kids. Biological kids from parents with money often do not want split their parents finances or inheritances with the step kids.

The problem is that OP's mother is going on about all these expensive experiences and gifts that OP doesn't get to participate in. Its very likely that OP's mother also got a few designer bags for herself while she was on the trip and has a lot of material things. It doesn't sound like OP actually wants these things but its pretty sucky to have your own mother bragging about how awesome her life is with her new family -for which OP is not included.

If OP's mom is living in a very high income bracket/lifestyle then the idea that the only thing she could manage to get her daughter is a $75 gift card is not likely.

Bingo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem isn't that the step parent is spending more on his biological kids than his step kids. Biological kids from parents with money often do not want split their parents finances or inheritances with the step kids.

The problem is that OP's mother is going on about all these expensive experiences and gifts that OP doesn't get to participate in. Its very likely that OP's mother also got a few designer bags for herself while she was on the trip and has a lot of material things. It doesn't sound like OP actually wants these things but its pretty sucky to have your own mother bragging about how awesome her life is with her new family -for which OP is not included.

If OP's mom is living in a very high income bracket/lifestyle then the idea that the only thing she could manage to get her daughter is a $75 gift card is not likely.

Bingo!

Honestly, a gift card of any amount from a parent seems like a pretty thoughtless gift unless you are a poor college student with no room for 'stuff'.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure the step siblings were raised primarily by their mother. Fathers in these circumstances often overcompensate by being generous with gifts and finances. OP was probably raised by her mother. I'm not jealous of the step sibling or the stepfather in this circumstances.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a special relationship with my mother's husband other then he's a nice guy and we're friendly. I don't refer to him as my step-father. He's my mother's husband. Whatever he spends on his own kids is no business of mine and we all have a decent relationship. At Christmas I buy him a token present, under $50, but I don't buy his kids anything nor expect then to buy me something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would bet that the step dad shops for none of these gifts. He probably tells the mother what to buy for his kids and doesn't have any idea what mom buys her own kid/SIL/grandchild.

That is also a possibility. There are a number of possible scenarious. Maybe her step-children aren't crazy about their step-mother and by not lavishing her children with "their dad's" money, it keeps the peace.
Perhaps the dad is accustomed to giving lavish gifts for his children and it never occurs to the mother to buy them for her own children.
Maybe she is afraid if she does give higher dollar value gifts to her children it will raise eyebrows.

Allegiance to biological children are very real. I found out not too long ago that my grandmother was my grandfather's second wife. She already had 2 teenage children when they got married, one of which was my mother. When my grandfather died he left his estate to his biologicial children. My grandmother had no grounds to contest.

My co-worker has 4 siblings. They all have children. She does not. Their grandparents only buy presents for the grandchildren at Christmas, never their own children/the parents. Her siblings only buy presents for the nieces and nephews, not each other.
The oldest grandchild/nephew is in junior high. Last year she was busy during the holidays and bought them all gift cards. They exchange them at the grandparents house at a Christmas get together. One sibling got a perturbed, pulled her aside and mentioned that her gift cards were thoughtless. She reminded him that every holiday their children go home with a pile of gifts before "Santa" arrives and she goes home with nothing simply because she doesn't have children and since that is the criteria for receiving gifts and he didn't appreciate hers, she will no longer buy them. She said he backpedalled and tried to use the holiday spirit excuse, but she said it would not have been an issue had he not made it one and had some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As much as some on DCUM want to push the narrative that we are all one big happy blended family the truth is that family members do distinguish between bio/step/half/adopted children and one category can be favored over another by parents, grandparents, siblings and other familiy members well into adulthood.

As for this story:

- Your mom knows full well that her step children aka her husband's bio kids/grandkids are getting million dollar gifts and you aka her bio children are getting the dollar store stuff.

- Your stepfather knows this as well.

-Your mom is not oblivious or dumb to the $$ disparities. She doesn't want to mess up her meal ticket in your step father.

-She is including you in the $$ present picking as her way to ease her guilt from the disparities and excuse herself from any fault in the matter and has convinced herself that you are fine with it because you go along with the present picking and listen to the stories.

I'm the non-bio grandkids PP. Thank you for this. I don't know why DCUM pushes this "everyone is equal" narrative. If it didn't work for Communism, it's not working for individual families. Just because one of our sons was married to a woman who already had 4 kids by three different dads, doesn't make them our grandkids. Yes, we take them out when they visit but they shouldn't expect a single cent from our estate. I don't think why people consider this hurtful but it's the truth.

Wow, you punish the children for the perceived sins of their parents. Wow.

How is the PP punishing the children? They don't get anything extra. If the son marries three different times and all of his wives have three kids, is PP supposed to be including all of them in her will? Not sure if you're on top of current affairs, but the divorce rate in this country is 50%. Stepgrandkids are no longer related should the marriage break up, which is very often. But the bio grandkids will always be in the picture because of kinship. So it makes sense to just focus their efforts and resources on them. SMH all these pearl clutchers.

PP leaps to the will question but her original claim is that she doesn't give gifts to her bio grandchildren to avoid a guilt trip for not purchasing for the non bio grandchildren.

Wills are complicated and personal and no one has to know about it until you die. They remember how you were in real life to soothe any wounds the will creates. PP will apparently have a pack of grandkids, some bio, some not, all of whom will have been neglected by their grandparents. PP says that she deprives all of her grandkids of presents in order to stick it to the non bio grandkids.

PP is truly a horrible person. I wonder how many people will show up to the will reading or the funeral when she and her stingy anti blended family self have departed. Maybe they just won't care since PP has been so absent and crotchety.

A little off-topic but will readings aren't a real thing. My uncle died last year. My mom was his executor and his attorney said that will readings and all the drama will surprise attendees and secret relatives etc are fiction for tv and movies and has no bearing on who gets what. If people have questions and want to meet with an attorney in person, that is one thing, but if someone is left something in a will they are just receive notification, usually by registered mail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As much as some on DCUM want to push the narrative that we are all one big happy blended family the truth is that family members do distinguish between bio/step/half/adopted children and one category can be favored over another by parents, grandparents, siblings and other familiy members well into adulthood.

As for this story:

- Your mom knows full well that her step children aka her husband's bio kids/grandkids are getting million dollar gifts and you aka her bio children are getting the dollar store stuff.

- Your stepfather knows this as well.

-Your mom is not oblivious or dumb to the $$ disparities. She doesn't want to mess up her meal ticket in your step father.

-She is including you in the $$ present picking as her way to ease her guilt from the disparities and excuse herself from any fault in the matter and has convinced herself that you are fine with it because you go along with the present picking and listen to the stories.

I'm the non-bio grandkids PP. Thank you for this. I don't know why DCUM pushes this "everyone is equal" narrative. If it didn't work for Communism, it's not working for individual families. Just because one of our sons was married to a woman who already had 4 kids by three different dads, doesn't make them our grandkids. Yes, we take them out when they visit but they shouldn't expect a single cent from our estate. I don't think why people consider this hurtful but it's the truth.

Wow, you punish the children for the perceived sins of their parents. Wow.

How is the PP punishing the children? They don't get anything extra. If the son marries three different times and all of his wives have three kids, is PP supposed to be including all of them in her will? Not sure if you're on top of current affairs, but the divorce rate in this country is 50%. Stepgrandkids are no longer related should the marriage break up, which is very often. But the bio grandkids will always be in the picture because of kinship. So it makes sense to just focus their efforts and resources on them. SMH all these pearl clutchers.

PP leaps to the will question but her original claim is that she doesn't give gifts to her bio grandchildren to avoid a guilt trip for not purchasing for the non bio grandchildren.

Wills are complicated and personal and no one has to know about it until you die. They remember how you were in real life to soothe any wounds the will creates. PP will apparently have a pack of grandkids, some bio, some not, all of whom will have been neglected by their grandparents. PP says that she deprives all of her grandkids of presents in order to stick it to the non bio grandkids.

PP is truly a horrible person. I wonder how many people will show up to the will reading or the funeral when she and her stingy anti blended family self have departed. Maybe they just won't care since PP has been so absent and crotchety.

This is the horrible person PP. At least DH and I are true to ourselves and don't believe in appearances. If we have been gifting unequally such as in the case of OP's, then look at the resentment it breeds. I don't know why you are riled up by my posts. I have just been saying like it is, but you have never explained why I am obliged to gift anything to a child who isn't related to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would bet that the step dad shops for none of these gifts. He probably tells the mother what to buy for his kids and doesn't have any idea what mom buys her own kid/SIL/grandchild.

That is also a possibility. There are a number of possible scenarious. Maybe her step-children aren't crazy about their step-mother and by not lavishing her children with "their dad's" money, it keeps the peace.
Perhaps the dad is accustomed to giving lavish gifts for his children and it never occurs to the mother to buy them for her own children.
Maybe she is afraid if she does give higher dollar value gifts to her children it will raise eyebrows.

Allegiance to biological children are very real. I found out not too long ago that my grandmother was my grandfather's second wife. She already had 2 teenage children when they got married, one of which was my mother. When my grandfather died he left his estate to his biologicial children. My grandmother had no grounds to contest.

My co-worker has 4 siblings. They all have children. She does not. Their grandparents only buy presents for the grandchildren at Christmas, never their own children/the parents. Her siblings only buy presents for the nieces and nephews, not each other.
The oldest grandchild/nephew is in junior high. Last year she was busy during the holidays and bought them all gift cards. They exchange them at the grandparents house at a Christmas get together. One sibling got a perturbed, pulled her aside and mentioned that her gift cards were thoughtless. She reminded him that every holiday their children go home with a pile of gifts before "Santa" arrives and she goes home with nothing simply because she doesn't have children and since that is the criteria for receiving gifts and he didn't appreciate hers, she will no longer buy them. She said he backpedalled and tried to use the holiday spirit excuse, but she said it would not have been an issue had he not made it one and had some perspective.

That's really crappy for her to spend all that money and no one ever get her anything. More so, demanding it. We have a friend/no kids who sends gifts all the time. I send her a gift in return as she's so thoughtful in what she sends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As much as some on DCUM want to push the narrative that we are all one big happy blended family the truth is that family members do distinguish between bio/step/half/adopted children and one category can be favored over another by parents, grandparents, siblings and other familiy members well into adulthood.

As for this story:

- Your mom knows full well that her step children aka her husband's bio kids/grandkids are getting million dollar gifts and you aka her bio children are getting the dollar store stuff.

- Your stepfather knows this as well.

-Your mom is not oblivious or dumb to the $$ disparities. She doesn't want to mess up her meal ticket in your step father.

-She is including you in the $$ present picking as her way to ease her guilt from the disparities and excuse herself from any fault in the matter and has convinced herself that you are fine with it because you go along with the present picking and listen to the stories.

I'm the non-bio grandkids PP. Thank you for this. I don't know why DCUM pushes this "everyone is equal" narrative. If it didn't work for Communism, it's not working for individual families. Just because one of our sons was married to a woman who already had 4 kids by three different dads, doesn't make them our grandkids. Yes, we take them out when they visit but they shouldn't expect a single cent from our estate. I don't think why people consider this hurtful but it's the truth.

Wow, you punish the children for the perceived sins of their parents. Wow.

How is the PP punishing the children? They don't get anything extra. If the son marries three different times and all of his wives have three kids, is PP supposed to be including all of them in her will? Not sure if you're on top of current affairs, but the divorce rate in this country is 50%. Stepgrandkids are no longer related should the marriage break up, which is very often. But the bio grandkids will always be in the picture because of kinship. So it makes sense to just focus their efforts and resources on them. SMH all these pearl clutchers.

PP leaps to the will question but her original claim is that she doesn't give gifts to her bio grandchildren to avoid a guilt trip for not purchasing for the non bio grandchildren.

Wills are complicated and personal and no one has to know about it until you die. They remember how you were in real life to soothe any wounds the will creates. PP will apparently have a pack of grandkids, some bio, some not, all of whom will have been neglected by their grandparents. PP says that she deprives all of her grandkids of presents in order to stick it to the non bio grandkids.

PP is truly a horrible person. I wonder how many people will show up to the will reading or the funeral when she and her stingy anti blended family self have departed. Maybe they just won't care since PP has been so absent and crotchety.

This is the horrible person PP. At least DH and I are true to ourselves and don't believe in appearances. If we have been gifting unequally such as in the case of OP's, then look at the resentment it breeds. I don't know why you are riled up by my posts. I have just been saying like it is, but you have never explained why I am obliged to gift anything to a child who isn't related to me.

I'm not the PP you have been arguing with. I'm new. More than one of us thinks you are horrible. And yes, maybe better to be horrible out in the open then horrible in your heart and hide it. Is that the argument you are making? I think you could argue both sides of that actually but I'm happy enough to give you credit for being an out in the open horrible person rather than a horrible lurker.

The fact that you think the rest of us only do it to 'keep up appearances' is the problem. If a stranger was bringing their child to christmas at my house, I would have a gift for that child. Maybe not anything big, but something. I would do that because I'm a nice person and think doing nice things for people and especially children at Christmas is fulfilling and the right thing to do. You don't HAVE to give anyone anything, as you clearly have proven by choosing to give nobody anything. But nice kind loving people are not baffleled by the concept of getting christmas/birthday presents for children who are a part of your son's family and who, in your son's mind, are a part of YOUR family. Are you cutting him out of your will so he can't possibly leave a cent to these mudbloods?

I'm the child of divorce. I had a step grandparent like you. I never really wanted anything from them other than to be treated like a human being, but they treated me like a dog after their money. Luckily my stepfather treated me just like a daughter, so I wasn't scarred by it but I remember it. They were unkind people. Not because they didn't get me presents, but because it was impossible for them to love me, a child their son had taken on from age 2, because I was not 'blood'. I had other step grandparents that welcomed me from day 1. We are not super super close, and I doubt I'll be in their will, at least not specifically although perhaps eventually through my stepmom, but it doesn't matter. They are kind and loving and great people and we are always so happy to see each other when we do. I may not be exactly the same, but I am, unequivocally, part of the family. You can choose to be the kind of person that fosters love in your family, or the kind of person who fosters divisions. You are clearly the latter, you should not be surprised if some of the 'blood' people decide that some of the outsiders, with their kindness and loving spirit, are their REAL family. That is the real result of division, forcing people to pick sides, and being disappointed when less people choose you than you thought.

[Anonymous]

I’m not going to copy the entire thing but I agree step grandmother is an unkind person.

My son is 12 and he got stepgrandparents at age 9. They are so awesome! His step grandfather is an avid fisherman and takes my son fishing regularly. They welcomed him in to their family with open arms and I am grateful for them adding love to my sons life