Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?

[Anonymous]

Years ago, my mom married a man with much younger children (then 13 and 15). They’re now 22 and 24, and there has always been a disparity in gifts. I’ve always ignored it because they were kids, but as we are all now adults—especially this year since my youngest step-sister is a full on 22yo adult—it’s bothering me. I don’t so much care that they are buying so much more for them, but I wish I didn’t know about it.

Last year, they paid for a trip to NYC that the four of them went on to see a play on Broadway and spend the weekend there. While there, they paid for designer handbags for both. And then told me all about it. This year, my mom let it be known that both girls would be getting new MacBooks, and asked me what would be good smaller gifts to go with them.

I get that it’s probably my step-dad’s money buying these things, but it still makes the $75 VISA gift card my husband and I received last year feel like a slap in the face. I know I should ignore it, and it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. My husband told me it doesn’t mean anything, let it go, but I can’t. We put a lot of thought and money into a nice holiday fift for them (mom and step-dad) but I’m feeling less than generous this year. We are early-30’s if that matters.

Do I say something? Do I just stop spending so much on them so I’m less resentful? Do I just ignore completely?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, that’s crappy, but there’s no good way to bring it up and nothing good will come out of it. Try to think about the positives in your relationship with them and don’t go nuts on their gift.

[Anonymous]

It is crummy but its probably Dad's money and he doesn't care for you like he does his kids and your Mom isn't willing or doesn't care. Let it go. Cut down on their gift $40-50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that’s crappy, but there’s no good way to bring it up and nothing good will come out of it. Try to think about the positives in your relationship with them and don’t go nuts on their gift.

I don't know though.

What will happen when the grandkids start to appear?

[Anonymous]

I’d just ask politely to not have to hear about their expensive gifts or trips anymore. That’s pretty simple.

[Anonymous]

When it's not your money, there's no such thing as unfair.

[Anonymous]

Well, I have the kind of relationship with my parents where I can talk about these things. So I would point it out directly and ask, what's up with that?

Then if things didn't change, I would simply scale back the effort put in the relationship - whether it's gifts or conversation or seeing them. It would make the discrepancy in treatment less stinging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that’s crappy, but there’s no good way to bring it up and nothing good will come out of it. Try to think about the positives in your relationship with them and don’t go nuts on their gift.

I don't know though.

What will happen when the grandkids start to appear?

This is Op and there are grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that’s crappy, but there’s no good way to bring it up and nothing good will come out of it. Try to think about the positives in your relationship with them and don’t go nuts on their gift.

I don't know though.

What will happen when the grandkids start to appear?

This is Op and there are grandkids.

How do they treat the grandkids?

[Anonymous]

But OP...it's your stepdad's money. So why do you feel so entitled?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But OP...it's your stepdad's money. So why do you feel so entitled?

When people get married there is no “his” and “hers”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But OP...it's your stepdad's money. So why do you feel so entitled?

I don’t, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me a little, or that I wasn’t a little bit jealous.

Our kids are treated nicely, but are by no means spoiled. I wouldn’t want them to be!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But OP...it's your stepdad's money. So why do you feel so entitled?

When people get married there is no “his” and “hers”.

Yes, in your dream world. OP isn't his wife. She's the daughter of his wife. He didn't raise her. He just married her mom. I don't understand why people impose such stupid expectations and then get all riled up just because the stepparent doesn't behave according to their so-called expectations. It's his money, it's his kids. He has every right to gift them whatever. Does this mean that OP is also expecting an equal inheritance when her step-dad passes? I hope not because that would be really dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that’s crappy, but there’s no good way to bring it up and nothing good will come out of it. Try to think about the positives in your relationship with them and don’t go nuts on their gift.

I don't know though.

What will happen when the grandkids start to appear?

This is Op and there are grandkids.

How do they treat your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But OP...it's your stepdad's money. So why do you feel so entitled?

I don’t, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me a little, or that I wasn’t a little bit jealous.

Our kids are treated nicely, but are by no means spoiled. I wouldn’t want them to be!

Well, does the total spent on your family seem comparable to the the total spent on their single person families?