Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But OP...it's your stepdad's money. So why do you feel so entitled?

When people get married there is no “his” and “hers”.

Yes, in your dream world. OP isn't his wife. She's the daughter of his wife. He didn't raise her. He just married her mom. I don't understand why people impose such stupid expectations and then get all riled up just because the stepparent doesn't behave according to their so-called expectations. It's his money, it's his kids. He has every right to gift them whatever. Does this mean that OP is also expecting an equal inheritance when her step-dad passes? I hope not because that would be really dumb.

I could be wrong, but I bet a huge part of the problem is her mom telling her about all these fabulous trips and gifts, and also asking her to help pick out the gifts. Her mom is adding insult to injury.

[Anonymous]

Based on the ages you listed, it sounds like you've never lived with your step dad because you were in your twenties when they married. It's very likely that when the girls are married and in their thirties they won't receive MacBooks, etc. When I was in my early to mid 20s my parents still felt financially responsible for me and Would but me a computer and pay for my tickets on vacation, etc. After I got married and was financially independent, I paid for those things. Having said that, are you close to your mom? If so, just tell her how it makes you feel. I'm guessing it makes you feel like an outside in your mom's life/family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d just ask politely to not have to hear about their expensive gifts or trips anymore. That’s pretty simple.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on the ages you listed, it sounds like you've never lived with your step dad because you were in your twenties when they married. It's very likely that when the girls are married and in their thirties they won't receive MacBooks, etc. When I was in my early to mid 20s my parents still felt financially responsible for me and Would but me a computer and pay for my tickets on vacation, etc. After I got married and was financially independent, I paid for those things. Having said that, are you close to your mom? If so, just tell her how it makes you feel. I'm guessing it makes you feel like an outside in your mom's life/family.

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But OP...it's your stepdad's money. So why do you feel so entitled?

When people get married there is no “his” and “hers”.

Yes, in your dream world. OP isn't his wife. She's the daughter of his wife. He didn't raise her. He just married her mom. I don't understand why people impose such stupid expectations and then get all riled up just because the stepparent doesn't behave according to their so-called expectations. It's his money, it's his kids. He has every right to gift them whatever. Does this mean that OP is also expecting an equal inheritance when her step-dad passes? I hope not because that would be really dumb.

+1 op, does your mom work? It may not seem fair, but this is something that lands squarely on your mom. He buys for his kids, she buys for hers. And, seeing how old his kids were when they married, I wouldn’t expect him to give you more than a token amount in an estate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on the ages you listed, it sounds like you've never lived with your step dad because you were in your twenties when they married. It's very likely that when the girls are married and in their thirties they won't receive MacBooks, etc. When I was in my early to mid 20s my parents still felt financially responsible for me and Would but me a computer and pay for my tickets on vacation, etc. After I got married and was financially independent, I paid for those things. Having said that, are you close to your mom? If so, just tell her how it makes you feel. I'm guessing it makes you feel like an outside in your mom's life/family.

Exactly!

Hopefully, but maybe not.

In my case, it didn’t change. HIS kids still get treated better, HIS grandkids are treated better than our kids, and my mom doesn’t have the balls to speak up against her own meal ticket. It sucks and stings even though it shouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

It’s one thing when your mom and stepdad are equal earners, but especially when you acknowledge that it’s his money.... I’m not sure what you were expecting. You’re not his kid, you never saw him as a father, and you’re an adult who is apparently capable of looking after yourself and your family.

You can ask to not hear about their gifts though. And you can stop spending time thinking about what to gift them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing when your mom and stepdad are equal earners, but especially when you acknowledge that it’s his money.... I’m not sure what you were expecting. You’re not his kid, you never saw him as a father, and you’re an adult who is apparently capable of looking after yourself and your family.

You can ask to not hear about their gifts though. And you can stop spending time thinking about what to gift them.

They’re definitely not equal earners, but I can tell you this much, it wouldn’t hurt him financially to treat me the same. I just wish my own mom wasn’t so excited to brag about how wonderfully she/they treat her stepkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing when your mom and stepdad are equal earners, but especially when you acknowledge that it’s his money.... I’m not sure what you were expecting. You’re not his kid, you never saw him as a father, and you’re an adult who is apparently capable of looking after yourself and your family.

You can ask to not hear about their gifts though. And you can stop spending time thinking about what to gift them.

They’re definitely not equal earners, but I can tell you this much, it wouldn’t hurt him financially to treat me the same. I just wish my own mom wasn’t so excited to brag about how wonderfully she/they treat her stepkids.

So what? What did you do to deserve the same treatment? Blood is blood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing when your mom and stepdad are equal earners, but especially when you acknowledge that it’s his money.... I’m not sure what you were expecting. You’re not his kid, you never saw him as a father, and you’re an adult who is apparently capable of looking after yourself and your family.

You can ask to not hear about their gifts though. And you can stop spending time thinking about what to gift them.

They’re definitely not equal earners, but I can tell you this much, it wouldn’t hurt him financially to treat me the same. I just wish my own mom wasn’t so excited to brag about how wonderfully she/they treat her stepkids.

So what? What did you do to deserve the same treatment? Blood is blood.

I guess every fifth year or so the BLOOD mother could speak up and say she’d like to do something special for her own children, no?

[Anonymous]

That fact that it bothers you doesn't mean you need to vent and make it more-of-a-thing. That doesn't help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing when your mom and stepdad are equal earners, but especially when you acknowledge that it’s his money.... I’m not sure what you were expecting. You’re not his kid, you never saw him as a father, and you’re an adult who is apparently capable of looking after yourself and your family.

You can ask to not hear about their gifts though. And you can stop spending time thinking about what to gift them.

They’re definitely not equal earners, but I can tell you this much, it wouldn’t hurt him financially to treat me the same. I just wish my own mom wasn’t so excited to brag about how wonderfully she/they treat her stepkids.

So what? What did you do to deserve the same treatment? Blood is blood.

I guess every fifth year or so the BLOOD mother could speak up and say she’d like to do something special for her own children, no?

That is on OP's mom. Btw, not everything is about gifts. There are other nice things people can do instead of gifting. I personally hate Macbooks so I couldn't care less if someone else got them as gifts.

[Anonymous]

I think your mom is being rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your mom is being rude.

This. And to the naysayers, can you even imagine sitting there on Christmas, opening your $75 gift card as you watch BOTH your step siblings opening $1000+ presents, and your own mom being happy about that? How would YOU feel? You’d honestly feel ok and not the least bit hurt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your mom is being rude.

This. And to the naysayers, can you even imagine sitting there on Christmas, opening your $75 gift card as you watch BOTH your step siblings opening $1000+ presents, and your own mom being happy about that? How would YOU feel? You’d honestly feel ok and not the least bit hurt?

But what would be the point of getting the OP a $1000 gift just for the sake of appearances? Her stepdad doesn't sound involved in her life and he isnt under any obligation to get her anything. She doesnt sound like she has contributed anything to her mom and stepdad beyond gifting in the past. It sounds like she only did so hoping to get the kind of gifts that her stepsisters are getting. She's taking it personally when she shouldn't. If her mom was paying for these gifts, then I say it's ok to feel resentful. But why should OP's mom harrass her DH to get a Macbook for a daughter she happens to have and isnt his????