Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d just ask politely to not have to hear about their expensive gifts or trips anymore. That’s pretty simple.

+1

I might go as far to tell her that it hurts your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As much as some on DCUM want to push the narrative that we are all one big happy blended family the truth is that family members do distinguish between bio/step/half/adopted children and one category can be favored over another by parents, grandparents, siblings and other familiy members well into adulthood.

As for this story:

- Your mom knows full well that her step children aka her husband's bio kids/grandkids are getting million dollar gifts and you aka her bio children are getting the dollar store stuff.

- Your stepfather knows this as well.

-Your mom is not oblivious or dumb to the $$ disparities. She doesn't want to mess up her meal ticket in your step father.

-She is including you in the $$ present picking as her way to ease her guilt from the disparities and excuse herself from any fault in the matter and has convinced herself that you are fine with it because you go along with the present picking and listen to the stories.

I'm the non-bio grandkids PP. Thank you for this. I don't know why DCUM pushes this "everyone is equal" narrative. If it didn't work for Communism, it's not working for individual families. Just because one of our sons was married to a woman who already had 4 kids by three different dads, doesn't make them our grandkids. Yes, we take them out when they visit but they shouldn't expect a single cent from our estate. I don't think why people consider this hurtful but it's the truth.

You make yourself look worse every time you post.

Shame on you.

You should have been raised better.

Do you live on Planet Earth? Why should we treat our step nonbio grandkids the same in terms of gifts? Then it creates expectations down the road that they might think they're getting something from us..and they already have their own grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As much as some on DCUM want to push the narrative that we are all one big happy blended family the truth is that family members do distinguish between bio/step/half/adopted children and one category can be favored over another by parents, grandparents, siblings and other familiy members well into adulthood.

As for this story:

- Your mom knows full well that her step children aka her husband's bio kids/grandkids are getting million dollar gifts and you aka her bio children are getting the dollar store stuff.

- Your stepfather knows this as well.

-Your mom is not oblivious or dumb to the $$ disparities. She doesn't want to mess up her meal ticket in your step father.

-She is including you in the $$ present picking as her way to ease her guilt from the disparities and excuse herself from any fault in the matter and has convinced herself that you are fine with it because you go along with the present picking and listen to the stories.

I'm the non-bio grandkids PP. Thank you for this. I don't know why DCUM pushes this "everyone is equal" narrative. If it didn't work for Communism, it's not working for individual families. Just because one of our sons was married to a woman who already had 4 kids by three different dads, doesn't make them our grandkids. Yes, we take them out when they visit but they shouldn't expect a single cent from our estate. I don't think why people consider this hurtful but it's the truth.

You make yourself look worse every time you post.

Shame on you.

You should have been raised better.

Do you live on Planet Earth? Why should we treat our step nonbio grandkids the same in terms of gifts? Then it creates expectations down the road that they might think they're getting something from us..and they already have their own grandparents.

Please be a troll.

Your "non bio grandkids" term is horrific.

Treat them kindly. Treat them fairly.

We never lose out by choosing kindness.

[Anonymous]

It's very meaningful that you feel like you can't discuss this with your mother without it blowing up. This is on your mother.

I had no idea how many problem blended families there are until I had kids and got to see how horribly some of their friends in blended families are treated. I've met some completely normal appearing adults who are horrible to children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As much as some on DCUM want to push the narrative that we are all one big happy blended family the truth is that family members do distinguish between bio/step/half/adopted children and one category can be favored over another by parents, grandparents, siblings and other familiy members well into adulthood.

As for this story:

- Your mom knows full well that her step children aka her husband's bio kids/grandkids are getting million dollar gifts and you aka her bio children are getting the dollar store stuff.

- Your stepfather knows this as well.

-Your mom is not oblivious or dumb to the $$ disparities. She doesn't want to mess up her meal ticket in your step father.

-She is including you in the $$ present picking as her way to ease her guilt from the disparities and excuse herself from any fault in the matter and has convinced herself that you are fine with it because you go along with the present picking and listen to the stories.

I'm the non-bio grandkids PP. Thank you for this. I don't know why DCUM pushes this "everyone is equal" narrative. If it didn't work for Communism, it's not working for individual families. Just because one of our sons was married to a woman who already had 4 kids by three different dads, doesn't make them our grandkids. Yes, we take them out when they visit but they shouldn't expect a single cent from our estate. I don't think why people consider this hurtful but it's the truth.

You make yourself look worse every time you post.

Shame on you.

You should have been raised better.

Do you live on Planet Earth? Why should we treat our step nonbio grandkids the same in terms of gifts? Then it creates expectations down the road that they might think they're getting something from us..and they already have their own grandparents.

Please be a troll.

Your "non bio grandkids" term is horrific.

Treat them kindly. Treat them fairly.

We never lose out by choosing kindness.

You're not going to win by trying to take the higher moral road here. Because there is no higher moral road. Being nice is fine. We're not talking about being nice. We're talking going beyond being nice. And there's nothing wrong with the term non bio grandkids. Because that's exactly what they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's very meaningful that you feel like you can't discuss this with your mother without it blowing up. This is on your mother.

I had no idea how many problem blended families there are until I had kids and got to see how horribly some of their friends in blended families are treated. I've met some completely normal appearing adults who are horrible to children.

I agree.

I have known one blended family where the parents (and grandparents) did an exceptional job treating all of the kids like family. If they did not share they were blended, you would not have known.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As much as some on DCUM want to push the narrative that we are all one big happy blended family the truth is that family members do distinguish between bio/step/half/adopted children and one category can be favored over another by parents, grandparents, siblings and other familiy members well into adulthood.

As for this story:

- Your mom knows full well that her step children aka her husband's bio kids/grandkids are getting million dollar gifts and you aka her bio children are getting the dollar store stuff.

- Your stepfather knows this as well.

-Your mom is not oblivious or dumb to the $$ disparities. She doesn't want to mess up her meal ticket in your step father.

-She is including you in the $$ present picking as her way to ease her guilt from the disparities and excuse herself from any fault in the matter and has convinced herself that you are fine with it because you go along with the present picking and listen to the stories.

I'm the non-bio grandkids PP. Thank you for this. I don't know why DCUM pushes this "everyone is equal" narrative. If it didn't work for Communism, it's not working for individual families. Just because one of our sons was married to a woman who already had 4 kids by three different dads, doesn't make them our grandkids. Yes, we take them out when they visit but they shouldn't expect a single cent from our estate. I don't think why people consider this hurtful but it's the truth.

You make yourself look worse every time you post.

Shame on you.

You should have been raised better.

Do you live on Planet Earth? Why should we treat our step nonbio grandkids the same in terms of gifts? Then it creates expectations down the road that they might think they're getting something from us..and they already have their own grandparents.

Please be a troll.

Your "non bio grandkids" term is horrific.

Treat them kindly. Treat them fairly.

We never lose out by choosing kindness.

You're not going to win by trying to take the higher moral road here. Because there is no higher moral road. Being nice is fine. We're not talking about being nice. We're talking going beyond being nice. And there's nothing wrong with the term non bio grandkids. Because that's exactly what they are.

You really need to stop posting here.

You contribute nothing to OPs issue.

Your posts only serve to show how horrible some people can be towards children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As much as some on DCUM want to push the narrative that we are all one big happy blended family the truth is that family members do distinguish between bio/step/half/adopted children and one category can be favored over another by parents, grandparents, siblings and other familiy members well into adulthood.

As for this story:

- Your mom knows full well that her step children aka her husband's bio kids/grandkids are getting million dollar gifts and you aka her bio children are getting the dollar store stuff.

- Your stepfather knows this as well.

-Your mom is not oblivious or dumb to the $$ disparities. She doesn't want to mess up her meal ticket in your step father.

-She is including you in the $$ present picking as her way to ease her guilt from the disparities and excuse herself from any fault in the matter and has convinced herself that you are fine with it because you go along with the present picking and listen to the stories.

I'm the non-bio grandkids PP. Thank you for this. I don't know why DCUM pushes this "everyone is equal" narrative. If it didn't work for Communism, it's not working for individual families. Just because one of our sons was married to a woman who already had 4 kids by three different dads, doesn't make them our grandkids. Yes, we take them out when they visit but they shouldn't expect a single cent from our estate. I don't think why people consider this hurtful but it's the truth.

I come from a blended family. I have only experienced goodness when I err on the side of inclusion. Kindness costs nothing. What's in the will doesn't need to impact how you treat people. People like you cause a lot of pain. You're clearly fine with that but I prefer to be a source of love instead of strife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As much as some on DCUM want to push the narrative that we are all one big happy blended family the truth is that family members do distinguish between bio/step/half/adopted children and one category can be favored over another by parents, grandparents, siblings and other familiy members well into adulthood.

As for this story:

- Your mom knows full well that her step children aka her husband's bio kids/grandkids are getting million dollar gifts and you aka her bio children are getting the dollar store stuff.

- Your stepfather knows this as well.

-Your mom is not oblivious or dumb to the $$ disparities. She doesn't want to mess up her meal ticket in your step father.

-She is including you in the $$ present picking as her way to ease her guilt from the disparities and excuse herself from any fault in the matter and has convinced herself that you are fine with it because you go along with the present picking and listen to the stories.

I'm the non-bio grandkids PP. Thank you for this. I don't know why DCUM pushes this "everyone is equal" narrative. If it didn't work for Communism, it's not working for individual families. Just because one of our sons was married to a woman who already had 4 kids by three different dads, doesn't make them our grandkids. Yes, we take them out when they visit but they shouldn't expect a single cent from our estate. I don't think why people consider this hurtful but it's the truth.

Wow, you punish the children for the perceived sins of their parents. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prolonged uneven attention towards siblings (even step) adds up and hurts. My parents favored my sister and her family over mine. When I mentioned it to them, the response was "it evens out over time". But it never did. Even though both are gone now, there is a part that still hurts. On DH's side, his parents were burned out on grandparenting by the time ours came along and his mother was in early Alzheimer's. Luckily for us and my children, my sister and BIL recognized it and have been and are a fabulous Aunt and Uncle to my children.

I would look around and see who is out there that can be that extended relative in situ for your children (are your DH's parents more active grandparents to your children, do you have a close friend who is single and unlikely to have a family). Try to accept your mother for who she is and find other people to fill the void.

(((hugs)))

I will add, that it may help you to find someone to talk this through. Therapists can be helpful in reframing things so that they don't have that sting anymore. It wouldn't take more than a few sessions.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like this is not a blended family. Mom has a new family and she is not asking the stepdad to participate with her original kids. I think it sucks on the part of the mom, and also on the part of the stepdad. The OP's father is dead...

I'd start getting something small for your mom and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As much as some on DCUM want to push the narrative that we are all one big happy blended family the truth is that family members do distinguish between bio/step/half/adopted children and one category can be favored over another by parents, grandparents, siblings and other familiy members well into adulthood.

As for this story:

- Your mom knows full well that her step children aka her husband's bio kids/grandkids are getting million dollar gifts and you aka her bio children are getting the dollar store stuff.

- Your stepfather knows this as well.

-Your mom is not oblivious or dumb to the $$ disparities. She doesn't want to mess up her meal ticket in your step father.

-She is including you in the $$ present picking as her way to ease her guilt from the disparities and excuse herself from any fault in the matter and has convinced herself that you are fine with it because you go along with the present picking and listen to the stories.

I'm the non-bio grandkids PP. Thank you for this. I don't know why DCUM pushes this "everyone is equal" narrative. If it didn't work for Communism, it's not working for individual families. Just because one of our sons was married to a woman who already had 4 kids by three different dads, doesn't make them our grandkids. Yes, we take them out when they visit but they shouldn't expect a single cent from our estate. I don't think why people consider this hurtful but it's the truth.

Wow, you punish the children for the perceived sins of their parents. Wow.

How is the PP punishing the children? They don't get anything extra. If the son marries three different times and all of his wives have three kids, is PP supposed to be including all of them in her will? Not sure if you're on top of current affairs, but the divorce rate in this country is 50%. Stepgrandkids are no longer related should the marriage break up, which is very often. But the bio grandkids will always be in the picture because of kinship. So it makes sense to just focus their efforts and resources on them. SMH all these pearl clutchers.

[Anonymous]

What is also funny is if a stepgrandparent posts on DCUM about being neglected by the stepgrandkids despite of all the gifts and attention lavished on them in the past, people will respond with "What did you expect? You're not their real grandparent!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious if people with step-whatevers have the same approach (whatever that is) with time/attention/affection for these kids as they do with money.

Also curious. Any PPs care to comment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d just ask politely to not have to hear about their expensive gifts or trips anymore. That’s pretty simple.

+1

I might go as far to tell her that it hurts your feelings.

Ditto. "Mom, you might not realize it, but it makes me feel hurt to hear you talk about everything you're buying for Larla and Darla. I understand that Stepdad has plenty of money to spend on his kids, but I don't want to be part of the conversation helping you to figure out what to buy for them."