Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?

[Anonymous]

There is too much arguing about the stepgramdparent and if they are horrible.

Has OP clarified if her mother works or is it just her husband that works?

[Anonymous]

Even if the mom does work, it's the stepdad's money so why is that even relevant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the step-dad married OP’s mom, OP became part of his nuclear family...or should have. One does discriminate between siblings in a nuclear family.

Now the step-dad may not “get” this, but OP’s mom is a jerk for letting this go on.

OP, you are being unfairly treated. My guess is that you don’t care about the gifts so much as the obvious favoritism. You have a legitimate grievance. Since your mom has let this go on so long, I seriously doubt anything will change at this point. But I certainly would sit your mom down and tell her how you have felt all these years. She is not a considerate parent and should be called out for it.

I know you mean does NOT, but OP and the steps are not siblings. Not even a little bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the step-dad married OP’s mom, OP became part of his nuclear family...or should have. One does discriminate between siblings in a nuclear family.

Now the step-dad may not “get” this, but OP’s mom is a jerk for letting this go on.

OP, you are being unfairly treated. My guess is that you don’t care about the gifts so much as the obvious favoritism. You have a legitimate grievance. Since your mom has let this go on so long, I seriously doubt anything will change at this point. But I certainly would sit your mom down and tell her how you have felt all these years. She is not a considerate parent and should be called out for it.

I know you mean does NOT, but OP and the steps are not siblings. Not even a little bit.

+1! I don't know why OP is so upset. Like I said, even if stepdad wasn't married to her mom, her stepsisters would still be lavished with stuff and trips so why is this so upsetting to her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the step-dad married OP’s mom, OP became part of his nuclear family...or should have. One does discriminate between siblings in a nuclear family.

Now the step-dad may not “get” this, but OP’s mom is a jerk for letting this go on.

OP, you are being unfairly treated. My guess is that you don’t care about the gifts so much as the obvious favoritism. You have a legitimate grievance. Since your mom has let this go on so long, I seriously doubt anything will change at this point. But I certainly would sit your mom down and tell her how you have felt all these years. She is not a considerate parent and should be called out for it.

I know you mean does NOT, but OP and the steps are not siblings. Not even a little bit.

+1! I don't know why OP is so upset. Like I said, even if stepdad wasn't married to her mom, her stepsisters would still be lavished with stuff and trips so why is this so upsetting to her?

Because the mom is so excited and happy about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the step-dad married OP’s mom, OP became part of his nuclear family...or should have. One does discriminate between siblings in a nuclear family.

Now the step-dad may not “get” this, but OP’s mom is a jerk for letting this go on.

OP, you are being unfairly treated. My guess is that you don’t care about the gifts so much as the obvious favoritism. You have a legitimate grievance. Since your mom has let this go on so long, I seriously doubt anything will change at this point. But I certainly would sit your mom down and tell her how you have felt all these years. She is not a considerate parent and should be called out for it.

I know you mean does NOT, but OP and the steps are not siblings. Not even a little bit.

+1! I don't know why OP is so upset. Like I said, even if stepdad wasn't married to her mom, her stepsisters would still be lavished with stuff and trips so why is this so upsetting to her?

Because the mom is so excited and happy about it.

What is wrong with that? So the mom is supposed to begrudge her stepdaughters when it's their dad's money???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the step-dad married OP’s mom, OP became part of his nuclear family...or should have. One does discriminate between siblings in a nuclear family.

Now the step-dad may not “get” this, but OP’s mom is a jerk for letting this go on.

OP, you are being unfairly treated. My guess is that you don’t care about the gifts so much as the obvious favoritism. You have a legitimate grievance. Since your mom has let this go on so long, I seriously doubt anything will change at this point. But I certainly would sit your mom down and tell her how you have felt all these years. She is not a considerate parent and should be called out for it.

I know you mean does NOT, but OP and the steps are not siblings. Not even a little bit.

+1! I don't know why OP is so upset. Like I said, even if stepdad wasn't married to her mom, her stepsisters would still be lavished with stuff and trips so why is this so upsetting to her?

Because the mom is so excited and happy about it.

What is wrong with that? So the mom is supposed to begrudge her stepdaughters when it's their dad's money???

Ok, I'll bite. My guess is that you're being deliberately obtuse and contorting the story to fit your narrative, but in case you're not, the OP clearly stated that she doesn't begrudge the gifts but instead wishes she didn't know about them. She's not trying to make a grab for anything - she just wants her mom not to wave the transfer of affection (which the gifts and family trips represent) in her face.

I don't blame her. OP lost her dad, and if I were in her shoes I'd feel like I'd lost the mom I had once known too. THAT is why she is hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it’s the age thing. See what happens when your step-sisters become financially independent. It’s not fair to compare.

And I will say, as someone who has stepkids, you can’t please everyone, no matter how hard you try.

You have your own family now, let this go. Why can’t you just love your mom and be happy she’s in your life?

When the stepsisters become financially independent and get married, their children will be lavished with gifts. This will be like rubbing salt in a wound. It’s one thing to get treated like the proverbial red-headed stepchild, it’s a hundred times worse to see your children treated that way.

I think OP has to mourn being part of a Family. She lost her family when her dad died. Her mom moved on to the stepdad’s family and prioritizes those children. It’s a really painful situation. The only grandparents her children will have don’t really value them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it’s the age thing. See what happens when your step-sisters become financially independent. It’s not fair to compare.

And I will say, as someone who has stepkids, you can’t please everyone, no matter how hard you try.

You have your own family now, let this go. Why can’t you just love your mom and be happy she’s in your life?

When the stepsisters become financially independent and get married, their children will be lavished with gifts. This will be like rubbing salt in a wound. It’s one thing to get treated like the proverbial red-headed stepchild, it’s a hundred times worse to see your children treated that way.

I think OP has to mourn being part of a Family. She lost her family when her dad died. Her mom moved on to the stepdad’s family and prioritizes those children. It’s a really painful situation. The only grandparents her children will have don’t really value them.

OP needs to grow up. So do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the step-dad married OP’s mom, OP became part of his nuclear family...or should have. One does discriminate between siblings in a nuclear family.

Now the step-dad may not “get” this, but OP’s mom is a jerk for letting this go on.

OP, you are being unfairly treated. My guess is that you don’t care about the gifts so much as the obvious favoritism. You have a legitimate grievance. Since your mom has let this go on so long, I seriously doubt anything will change at this point. But I certainly would sit your mom down and tell her how you have felt all these years. She is not a considerate parent and should be called out for it.

I know you mean does NOT, but OP and the steps are not siblings. Not even a little bit.

+1! I don't know why OP is so upset. Like I said, even if stepdad wasn't married to her mom, her stepsisters would still be lavished with stuff and trips so why is this so upsetting to her?

Because the mom is so excited and happy about it.

What is wrong with that? So the mom is supposed to begrudge her stepdaughters when it's their dad's money???

Ok, I'll bite. My guess is that you're being deliberately obtuse and contorting the story to fit your narrative, but in case you're not, the OP clearly stated that she doesn't begrudge the gifts but instead wishes she didn't know about them. She's not trying to make a grab for anything - she just wants her mom not to wave the transfer of affection (which the gifts and family trips represent) in her face.

I don't blame her. OP lost her dad, and if I were in her shoes I'd feel like I'd lost the mom I had once known too. THAT is why she is hurt.

NP. I think you have a good post. I also think that OP may be so sensitive about the subject that her mom merely mentioning the gifts may seem to OP like the mom is waving it in OP's face. The mom may just be trying to get it out in the open and be transparent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if the mom does work, it's the stepdad's money so why is that even relevant?

Where did OP say that the money used to buy the expensive gifts is just the stepfather’s money?

If the mother doesn’t work, it would make more sense with the disparity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the step-dad married OP’s mom, OP became part of his nuclear family...or should have. One does discriminate between siblings in a nuclear family.

Now the step-dad may not “get” this, but OP’s mom is a jerk for letting this go on.

OP, you are being unfairly treated. My guess is that you don’t care about the gifts so much as the obvious favoritism. You have a legitimate grievance. Since your mom has let this go on so long, I seriously doubt anything will change at this point. But I certainly would sit your mom down and tell her how you have felt all these years. She is not a considerate parent and should be called out for it.

I know you mean does NOT, but OP and the steps are not siblings. Not even a little bit.

+1! I don't know why OP is so upset. Like I said, even if stepdad wasn't married to her mom, her stepsisters would still be lavished with stuff and trips so why is this so upsetting to her?

Because the mom is so excited and happy about it.

What is wrong with that? So the mom is supposed to begrudge her stepdaughters when it's their dad's money???

Ok, I'll bite. My guess is that you're being deliberately obtuse and contorting the story to fit your narrative, but in case you're not, the OP clearly stated that she doesn't begrudge the gifts but instead wishes she didn't know about them. She's not trying to make a grab for anything - she just wants her mom not to wave the transfer of affection (which the gifts and family trips represent) in her face.

I don't blame her. OP lost her dad, and if I were in her shoes I'd feel like I'd lost the mom I had once known too. THAT is why she is hurt.

Hello, did you read the OP's post in which she stated "It wouldn't hurt him financially to treat me the same"? What does that tell you? OP wouldn't mind if she also got the Broadway tix and Macbooks. You're the one who is failing to acknowledge OP's true intentions. Does that make her a bad person? No. But she's being unrealistic. That man did not raise her nor adopt her, so why is she expecting to get the financial perks of being his offspring when she isn't? He married her mom and that is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if the mom does work, it's the stepdad's money so why is that even relevant?

Where did OP say that the money used to buy the expensive gifts is just the stepfather’s money?

If the mother doesn’t work, it would make more sense with the disparity.

It's in the post that states that "I know it's his money but it wouldn't hurt him to treat me the same". I am too lazy to dig it up for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing when your mom and stepdad are equal earners, but especially when you acknowledge that it’s his money.... I’m not sure what you were expecting. You’re not his kid, you never saw him as a father, and you’re an adult who is apparently capable of looking after yourself and your family.

You can ask to not hear about their gifts though. And you can stop spending time thinking about what to gift them.

They’re definitely not equal earners, but I can tell you this much, it wouldn’t hurt him financially to treat me the same. I just wish my own mom wasn’t so excited to brag about how wonderfully she/they treat her stepkids.

Found it! Grown person with children upset that her stepfather's children get pricier gifts than they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing when your mom and stepdad are equal earners, but especially when you acknowledge that it’s his money.... I’m not sure what you were expecting. You’re not his kid, you never saw him as a father, and you’re an adult who is apparently capable of looking after yourself and your family.

You can ask to not hear about their gifts though. And you can stop spending time thinking about what to gift them.

They’re definitely not equal earners, but I can tell you this much, it wouldn’t hurt him financially to treat me the same. I just wish my own mom wasn’t so excited to brag about how wonderfully she/they treat her stepkids.

Found it! Grown person with children upset that her stepfather's children get pricier gifts than they do.

That doesn’t mean she thinks she deserves the same. But if there is no financial reason for the discrepancy it is obviously about the relationship. Stepsisters have a dad who loves and spoils them financially and a step-mom who devotes lots of time and energy to planning these excursions and gifts.

OP gets an after-thought gift card and nothing else. She has no parents anymore. And the difference is not cause by money but by people with everything who just don’t care enough to even think of including her.