Switch custody schedule for ex DH’s honeymoon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

LOL another second wife here. For some reason, my DH's teen DD from his first marriage with all of her complaining seems to remind him of his exwife.

I met my DH on a photo shoot; he was repping the client and we just clicked . About three months later he left his now ex-shrew, and we had ones up from there.

Their DD was 13 then; she’s 17 now. Given how nasty she is to me, when I see her I love to chat her up and allude to the “sex trips”, as OP puts it, that DH and I take. I’m sure to thank DH in front of her for the gorgeous West Coast Leather fitted leather skirt suit he bought me on our getaway to San Francisco

When she starts talking about college, I’m sure to regale her and my DH with stories about the college boys I dated in high school. Knowing she has some dating “challenges”, I ask if she’s ever gone out with college boys, and then “apologize” for “forgetting. I then assure her that she’ll find a little group when she gets to college.

Meanwhile DH gets turned on hearing about my high school days, and how I learned then how I like older men .

Are you the OP trolling to justify your sh*tty attitude toward your ex and his new wife? If so, great work. If not, you need help. Please get some for your own sake since you clearly don't care about your husband's child at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

LOL another second wife here. For some reason, my DH's teen DD from his first marriage with all of her complaining seems to remind him of his exwife.

I met my DH on a photo shoot; he was repping the client and we just clicked . About three months later he left his now ex-shrew, and we had ones up from there.

Their DD was 13 then; she’s 17 now. Given how nasty she is to me, when I see her I love to chat her up and allude to the “sex trips”, as OP puts it, that DH and I take. I’m sure to thank DH in front of her for the gorgeous West Coast Leather fitted leather skirt suit he bought me on our getaway to San Francisco

When she starts talking about college, I’m sure to regale her and my DH with stories about the college boys I dated in high school. Knowing she has some dating “challenges”, I ask if she’s ever gone out with college boys, and then “apologize” for “forgetting. I then assure her that she’ll find a little group when she gets to college.

Meanwhile DH gets turned on hearing about my high school days, and how I learned then how I like older men .

Are you the OP trolling to justify your sh*tty attitude toward your ex and his new wife? If so, great work. If not, you need help. Please get some for your own sake since you clearly don't care about your husband's child at all.

This tread has resulted in 0 work productivity today. I'm just here all B eating crackers over here. The horny new PP is totally OP trying to troll us. More OP, more!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

I had to after everything the X did. She blacked my heart. The worst was not watching the kids/switching/whatever when our first was in the NICU for 5 weeks; that was the breaking point. I'm just warning the OP if she wants to play the game, maybe it won't end how she expected as the new wife might play along.

Play along to the detriment of innocent children, huh? Wow...

NP here, but honestly do you really think there isn't an equal and opposite reaction to the OP's original post? OP calls a honeymoon a sex vacation and wants support for not switching with her Ex. PP comes on says as a second wife she'd react terribly to the OP's hostility towards her honeymoon. This is just Newton's third law - For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Both are terrible, but terrible in gets terrible out.

The answer - DON'T BE TERRIBLE!

On this note, as others have provided a lot of good advice saying that you should be willing to switch time or just take the time with your children and enjoy the fact that you get to spend time with them. Have you decided to take their advice and have the kids with a smile even?

[Anonymous]

OP, he isn't going to be thinking of you while he's in her, on her, etc. Get over it and switch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

I had to after everything the X did. She blacked my heart. The worst was not watching the kids/switching/whatever when our first was in the NICU for 5 weeks; that was the breaking point. I'm just warning the OP if she wants to play the game, maybe it won't end how she expected as the new wife might play along.

Play along to the detriment of innocent children, huh? Wow...

NP here, but honestly do you really think there isn't an equal and opposite reaction to the OP's original post? OP calls a honeymoon a sex vacation and wants support for not switching with her Ex. PP comes on says as a second wife she'd react terribly to the OP's hostility towards her honeymoon. This is just Newton's third law - For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Both are terrible, but terrible in gets terrible out.

The answer - DON'T BE TERRIBLE!

OP IS terrible - no one here is defending her. But using children to get back at her bad behavior? Really? But then again, if the DH picked wife number 1, it's not surprising he'd pick another piece of garbage for wife number 2.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, what if you were getting married again to a man who wanted to whisk you away for 2 weeks on your dream trip. Would you want to go? I think a vast majority of people would jump at the opportunity to go with the person they love on a dream vacation, and would as such ask family/friends to watch their child(ren) during this once in a lifetime opportunity.

Guess what. When my widowed father remarried back in the 80s and went on his honeymoon, a sitter watched me. I'm not scarred from the experience and actually remember it fondly as we got pizza a few times which was the height of luxury to a 7 year old. So, I assume staying more with you and you making it "fun" isn't also going emotionally scar your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you do it? We have a cordial relationship. We have switched schedules in the past for things like work trips. The woman he is marrying is nice. My kids like her and she is kind to them. It’s her first marriage and I understand wanting a romantic getaway. But she’s marrying a man with kids. I don’t think a 2 week sex trip is a good enough to change the schedule. Wwyd?

I'm dying to know - 1) where did you go on your honeymoon with your ex DH, and where are him and the new lady heading? & 2) what caused the divorce because I'm not sure your relationship is too cordial if you are asking about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

I had to after everything the X did. She blacked my heart. The worst was not watching the kids/switching/whatever when our first was in the NICU for 5 weeks; that was the breaking point. I'm just warning the OP if she wants to play the game, maybe it won't end how she expected as the new wife might play along.

Play along to the detriment of innocent children, huh? Wow...

NP here, but honestly do you really think there isn't an equal and opposite reaction to the OP's original post? OP calls a honeymoon a sex vacation and wants support for not switching with her Ex. PP comes on says as a second wife she'd react terribly to the OP's hostility towards her honeymoon. This is just Newton's third law - For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Both are terrible, but terrible in gets terrible out.

The answer - DON'T BE TERRIBLE!

OP IS terrible - no one here is defending her. But using children to get back at her bad behavior? Really? But then again, if the DH picked wife number 1, it's not surprising he'd pick another piece of garbage for wife number 2.

I'm not in your position OP, but I grew up with parents and stepparents who passive aggressively fought like this. It was terrible. The thing is now I don't have the best relationships with either parent now. My 78 yo mom still gripes about my father, and guilts me every holiday I spend with him or my ILs because I'm "all she has". If I point out how she manipulated my relationship with my father and stepmother, she loses it. On the other hand, my father and stepmom are more focused on their new family. During a heart to heart years ago after finally plucking up the courage to tell my father how I felt as we grew apart after his second marriage, my father admitted his other children were easier as they weren't angry with him. There was never any outright fighting; just passive comments, lack of understanding, and a general non-cordial relationship that I was in the middle of. Don't make your kids part of some never-ending game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

I had to after everything the X did. She blacked my heart. The worst was not watching the kids/switching/whatever when our first was in the NICU for 5 weeks; that was the breaking point. I'm just warning the OP if she wants to play the game, maybe it won't end how she expected as the new wife might play along.

Play along to the detriment of innocent children, huh? Wow...

NP here, but honestly do you really think there isn't an equal and opposite reaction to the OP's original post? OP calls a honeymoon a sex vacation and wants support for not switching with her Ex. PP comes on says as a second wife she'd react terribly to the OP's hostility towards her honeymoon. This is just Newton's third law - For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Both are terrible, but terrible in gets terrible out.

The answer - DON'T BE TERRIBLE!

OP IS terrible - no one here is defending her. But using children to get back at her bad behavior? Really? But then again, if the DH picked wife number 1, it's not surprising he'd pick another piece of garbage for wife number 2.

I'm the PP who was advising the OP to not be terrible as I've seen the fighting firsthand, and in my opinion OP is casting the first swing that a second wife might respond to. I'm not in your position OP, but I grew up with parents and stepparents who passive aggressively fought like this, and still do to this day. It was terrible. The thing is now I don't have the best relationships with either parent now. My 78 yo mom still gripes about my father, and guilts me every holiday I spend with him or my ILs because I'm "all she has". If I point out how she manipulated my relationship with my father and stepmother, she loses it. On the other hand, my father and stepmom are more focused on their new family. During a heart to heart years ago after finally plucking up the courage to tell my father how I felt as we grew apart after his second marriage, my father admitted his other children were easier as they weren't angry with him. Do you know how painful it is to hear that your father loves your half siblings more? There was never any outright fighting; just passive comments, lack of understanding, forced time together, and a general non-cordial relationship that I was in the middle of. I admit that I was played by my mother and I was terrible to my father and stepmom for years. But, it took years to counseling to realize I was just a pawn in their game on both sides. Don't make your kids part of some never-ending game. The kids will not be alright.

My DH is also the product of divorced parents, but his were and still are friends with each other. Their spouses even get along, and all of the kids view themselves as family, as there are 8 kids from prior marriages (such as DH) and then 7 kids from new marriages. There is even a joint thanksgiving every few years so that everyone can spend the holiday without having to choose sides. It is remarkable. They are wonderful role models.

Do right by your kids.

[Anonymous]

^ Also apologies for the weird double posting issues.

[Anonymous]

the best thing for the kids is to have as little tension as possible in their lives surrounding the changes that they face and that they had no choice about. No bad mouthing, no fighting, etc. I would make an effort to co-parent as smoothly as possible, because it will benefit you in the end and definitely benefit the kids. As long as the requests are reasonable, then why not? It will certainly go a long way toward building good will--perhaps thre will be a time you could use some flexibility in the schedule. If you start out by being inflexible just for the sake of it, you are creating the expectations that deviation is not possible,and this will not benefit you--or the kids.

Its fine to be judgmental in your head about wife #2 (though if you are, I think you've got a ways to go in terms of really letting go and not caring) but keep it to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, just make the trade. Cherish that you have more time with your kids Bc they grow up fast. Keep your thoughts to yourself. Appreciate what you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

I had to after everything the X did. She blacked my heart. The worst was not watching the kids/switching/whatever when our first was in the NICU for 5 weeks; that was the breaking point. I'm just warning the OP if she wants to play the game, maybe it won't end how she expected as the new wife might play along.

Play along to the detriment of innocent children, huh? Wow...

NP here, but honestly do you really think there isn't an equal and opposite reaction to the OP's original post? OP calls a honeymoon a sex vacation and wants support for not switching with her Ex. PP comes on says as a second wife she'd react terribly to the OP's hostility towards her honeymoon. This is just Newton's third law - For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Both are terrible, but terrible in gets terrible out.

The answer - DON'T BE TERRIBLE!

OP IS terrible - no one here is defending her. But using children to get back at her bad behavior? Really? But then again, if the DH picked wife number 1, it's not surprising he'd pick another piece of garbage for wife number 2.

I’m ok being garbage #2. My life is good - roof over my head, kids healthy, good partner, great friends/family, don’t have to work anymore thanks to family money, etc. I admit I can be a B, but I’m very upfront with my personality. Not everyone has to like me bc that’d be exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

I had to after everything the X did. She blacked my heart. The worst was not watching the kids/switching/whatever when our first was in the NICU for 5 weeks; that was the breaking point. I'm just warning the OP if she wants to play the game, maybe it won't end how she expected as the new wife might play along.

Play along to the detriment of innocent children, huh? Wow...

NP here, but honestly do you really think there isn't an equal and opposite reaction to the OP's original post? OP calls a honeymoon a sex vacation and wants support for not switching with her Ex. PP comes on says as a second wife she'd react terribly to the OP's hostility towards her honeymoon. This is just Newton's third law - For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Both are terrible, but terrible in gets terrible out.

The answer - DON'T BE TERRIBLE!

OP IS terrible - no one here is defending her. But using children to get back at her bad behavior? Really? But then again, if the DH picked wife number 1, it's not surprising he'd pick another piece of garbage for wife number 2.

I’m ok being garbage #2. My life is good - roof over my head, kids healthy, good partner, great friends/family, don’t have to work anymore thanks to family money, etc. I admit I can be a B, but I’m very upfront with my personality. Not everyone has to like me bc that’d be exhausting.

How long until your DH stops seeing the first set of kids and you both blame it on parental alienation by the XW?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

I had to after everything the X did. She blacked my heart. The worst was not watching the kids/switching/whatever when our first was in the NICU for 5 weeks; that was the breaking point. I'm just warning the OP if she wants to play the game, maybe it won't end how she expected as the new wife might play along.

Play along to the detriment of innocent children, huh? Wow...

NP here, but honestly do you really think there isn't an equal and opposite reaction to the OP's original post? OP calls a honeymoon a sex vacation and wants support for not switching with her Ex. PP comes on says as a second wife she'd react terribly to the OP's hostility towards her honeymoon. This is just Newton's third law - For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Both are terrible, but terrible in gets terrible out.

The answer - DON'T BE TERRIBLE!

OP IS terrible - no one here is defending her. But using children to get back at her bad behavior? Really? But then again, if the DH picked wife number 1, it's not surprising he'd pick another piece of garbage for wife number 2.

I'm not in your position OP, but I grew up with parents and stepparents who passive aggressively fought like this. It was terrible. The thing is now I don't have the best relationships with either parent now. My 78 yo mom still gripes about my father, and guilts me every holiday I spend with him or my ILs because I'm "all she has". If I point out how she manipulated my relationship with my father and stepmother, she loses it. On the other hand, my father and stepmom are more focused on their new family. During a heart to heart years ago after finally plucking up the courage to tell my father how I felt as we grew apart after his second marriage, my father admitted his other children were easier as they weren't angry with him. There was never any outright fighting; just passive comments, lack of understanding, and a general non-cordial relationship that I was in the middle of. Don't make your kids part of some never-ending game.

If your Mom didn't support the relationship with Dad and you treated him poorly/rarely saw him or spoke to him, why is it a surprise that he moved on as there is only so much hurt and rejection before most give up. Its on you to build the relationship. My husband's ex was like that. Sadly, he doesn't want much to do with the kids as usually its they want money or something from him and it gets old quickly. I think one wants a relationship and wants him to initiate it but he will not as he's moved on. He tried her 20's and she was horrible to him to make mom happy. He doesn't trust her or her motives. You will destroy your kids if you do this. His kids are pretty dysfunctional now.