Switch custody schedule for ex DH’s honeymoon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

Meh. You seem kinda bitchy. Did you intentionally pick a location you knew they wouldn't enjoy just so they would decline going? Sure comes across that way...

Yup, and it helps that my DH's brother lives in Montana so it is technically a family vacation to visit his ranch so DH loves going there to see his brother and family. If his kids don't want to come along, that is their choice. We offered. They don't like being away from their phones or internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

Like it or not, it's the consequences of your action. You're being a biatch and expecting your ex's wife to be mother Teresa? How dumb could it be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

I had to after everything the X did. She blacked my heart. The worst was not watching the kids/switching/whatever when our first was in the NICU for 5 weeks; that was the breaking point. I'm just warning the OP if she wants to play the game, maybe it won't end how she expected as the new wife might play along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

I had to after everything the X did. She blacked my heart. The worst was not watching the kids/switching/whatever when our first was in the NICU for 5 weeks; that was the breaking point. I'm just warning the OP if she wants to play the game, maybe it won't end how she expected as the new wife might play along.

Play along to the detriment of innocent children, huh? Wow...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can you possibly interpret this as me not wanting my kids? Are you stupid? I don’t see how this is even a joke because it’s not funny. My kids love spending time with their dad they know their schedule and they don’t like it changed even when it’s for a good reason like one of us has to travel.
I don’t bad mouth their father or his fiancé so you can stop projecting. I’m not going to tiptoe around her. Them having a 2 week honeymoon has nothing to do with how my kids are treated. It’s pretty messed up for some of you to imply she would be justified in abusing them because of that. You are either sick yourselves or have sick people in your lives. I may not love her but she wouldn’t hurt my kids in anyway. Neither would my ex allow it.

People suggested that you should reframe this in your mind as 2 weeks more with your children, who I assume you enjoy spending time with. As for your children's difficulty coping with a schedule change, my advice to you as a divorced mom with a kid who also knows the schedule is that you at least pretend that this is an exciting schedule change for everyone: they get to spend extra time with you and their dad and his wife get to go on a special marriage vacation to celebrate. Contrary to what the other dried up shrews on this board believe, children are capable of empathy and do want their parents to be happy. If you are able to help your children be excited for their dad's happiness, they will be fine with the schedule change. As for being generally flexible, that is a thing that responsible parents teach to their children. Schedules in life change all the time for all kinds of reasons. Being petulant about it is in no one's best interest, but I can certainly see where your children get that attitude from.

As for your second suggestion, this woman is marrying into the family. In my family, we accommodate each other's wishes to the extent possible. She is not going to feel like she's part of the family if it is made clear to her by you and your children from the day she marries in that her wishes and desires are less important than everyone else's. If she doesn't feel like part of the family, there is no reason for her to treat your children like family. A good person would, but if you are coaching them to be petulant, which is very much what you are doing even if you don't think you are, she has no reason to be nice to you or them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

Like it or not, it's the consequences of your action. You're being a biatch and expecting your ex's wife to be mother Teresa? How dumb could it be?

^This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

I had to after everything the X did. She blacked my heart. The worst was not watching the kids/switching/whatever when our first was in the NICU for 5 weeks; that was the breaking point. I'm just warning the OP if she wants to play the game, maybe it won't end how she expected as the new wife might play along.

Play along to the detriment of innocent children, huh? Wow...

The kids are already screwed up thanks to their mother. We'll be paying for their therapy regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

I had to after everything the X did. She blacked my heart. The worst was not watching the kids/switching/whatever when our first was in the NICU for 5 weeks; that was the breaking point. I'm just warning the OP if she wants to play the game, maybe it won't end how she expected as the new wife might play along.

No worries-- the third wife will be coming along soon to set you straight. All the while, none of the wives will ever hold the spineless husband accountable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

I had to after everything the X did. She blacked my heart. The worst was not watching the kids/switching/whatever when our first was in the NICU for 5 weeks; that was the breaking point. I'm just warning the OP if she wants to play the game, maybe it won't end how she expected as the new wife might play along.

No worries-- the third wife will be coming along soon to set you straight. All the while, none of the wives will ever hold the spineless husband accountable.

That's fine. I made DH sign a prenup so it will all be good on my end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

I had to after everything the X did. She blacked my heart. The worst was not watching the kids/switching/whatever when our first was in the NICU for 5 weeks; that was the breaking point. I'm just warning the OP if she wants to play the game, maybe it won't end how she expected as the new wife might play along.

You are terrible. I get anger and resentment, but it's not the kids fault and to deliberately make them unhappy is awful (and there nothing wrong with a vacation in Montana with no tv or internet, it's just your attitude).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you possibly interpret this as me not wanting my kids? Are you stupid? I don’t see how this is even a joke because it’s not funny. My kids love spending time with their dad they know their schedule and they don’t like it changed even when it’s for a good reason like one of us has to travel.
I don’t bad mouth their father or his fiancé so you can stop projecting. I’m not going to tiptoe around her. Them having a 2 week honeymoon has nothing to do with how my kids are treated. It’s pretty messed up for some of you to imply she would be justified in abusing them because of that. You are either sick yourselves or have sick people in your lives. I may not love her but she wouldn’t hurt my kids in anyway. Neither would my ex allow it.

People suggested that you should reframe this in your mind as 2 weeks more with your children, who I assume you enjoy spending time with. As for your children's difficulty coping with a schedule change, my advice to you as a divorced mom with a kid who also knows the schedule is that you at least pretend that this is an exciting schedule change for everyone: they get to spend extra time with you and their dad and his wife get to go on a special marriage vacation to celebrate. Contrary to what the other dried up shrews on this board believe, children are capable of empathy and do want their parents to be happy. If you are able to help your children be excited for their dad's happiness, they will be fine with the schedule change. As for being generally flexible, that is a thing that responsible parents teach to their children. Schedules in life change all the time for all kinds of reasons. Being petulant about it is in no one's best interest, but I can certainly see where your children get that attitude from.

As for your second suggestion, this woman is marrying into the family. In my family, we accommodate each other's wishes to the extent possible. She is not going to feel like she's part of the family if it is made clear to her by you and your children from the day she marries in that her wishes and desires are less important than everyone else's. If she doesn't feel like part of the family, there is no reason for her to treat your children like family. A good person would, but if you are coaching them to be petulant, which is very much what you are doing even if you don't think you are, she has no reason to be nice to you or them.

Dear OP, please listen to this rational poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.

I had to after everything the X did. She blacked my heart. The worst was not watching the kids/switching/whatever when our first was in the NICU for 5 weeks; that was the breaking point. I'm just warning the OP if she wants to play the game, maybe it won't end how she expected as the new wife might play along.

Play along to the detriment of innocent children, huh? Wow...

NP here, but honestly do you really think there isn't an equal and opposite reaction to the OP's original post? OP calls a honeymoon a sex vacation and wants support for not switching with her Ex. PP comes on says as a second wife she'd react terribly to the OP's hostility towards her honeymoon. This is just Newton's third law - For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Both are terrible, but terrible in gets terrible out.

The answer - DON'T BE TERRIBLE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

LOL another second wife here. For some reason, my DH's teen DD from his first marriage with all of her complaining seems to remind him of his exwife.

I met my DH on a photo shoot; he was repping the client and we just clicked . About three months later he left his now ex-shrew, and we had ones up from there.

Their DD was 13 then; she’s 17 now. Given how nasty she is to me, when I see her I love to chat her up and allude to the “sex trips”, as OP puts it, that DH and I take. I’m sure to thank DH in front of her for the gorgeous West Coast Leather fitted leather skirt suit he bought me on our getaway to San Francisco

When she starts talking about college, I’m sure to regale her and my DH with stories about the college boys I dated in high school. Knowing she has some dating “challenges”, I ask if she’s ever gone out with college boys, and then “apologize” for “forgetting. I then assure her that she’ll find a little group when she gets to college.

Meanwhile DH gets turned on hearing about my high school days, and how I learned then how I like older men .

[Anonymous]

If Jennifer Garner can drive that loser to rehab for her kids, why even ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

LOL another second wife here. For some reason, my DH's teen DD from his first marriage with all of her complaining seems to remind him of his exwife.

I met my DH on a photo shoot; he was repping the client and we just clicked . About three months later he left his now ex-shrew, and we had ones up from there.

Their DD was 13 then; she’s 17 now. Given how nasty she is to me, when I see her I love to chat her up and allude to the “sex trips”, as OP puts it, that DH and I take. I’m sure to thank DH in front of her for the gorgeous West Coast Leather fitted leather skirt suit he bought me on our getaway to San Francisco

When she starts talking about college, I’m sure to regale her and my DH with stories about the college boys I dated in high school. Knowing she has some dating “challenges”, I ask if she’s ever gone out with college boys, and then “apologize” for “forgetting. I then assure her that she’ll find a little group when she gets to college.

Meanwhile DH gets turned on hearing about my high school days, and how I learned then how I like older men .

You cannot be real.