Reply to Switch custody schedule for ex DH’s honeymoon

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Second wife here.  If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us ([i]my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs[/i]), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future.   That does not equal abuse. [b] It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. [/b] Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does.  Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does.  Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does.  Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom.  For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...[/quote]

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage. [/quote]

I had to after everything the X did.  She blacked my heart.  The worst was not watching the kids/switching/whatever when our first was in the NICU for 5 weeks; that was the breaking point.  I'm just warning the OP if she wants to play the game, maybe it won't end how she expected as the new wife might play along.  [/quote]

Play along to the detriment of innocent children, huh? Wow...[/quote]

NP here, but honestly do you really think there isn't an equal and opposite reaction to the OP's original post?  OP calls a honeymoon a sex vacation and wants support for not switching with her Ex.  PP comes on says as a second wife she'd react terribly to the OP's hostility towards her honeymoon.  This is just Newton's third law - For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Both are terrible, but terrible in gets terrible out.

The answer - DON'T BE TERRIBLE![/quote]

OP IS terrible - no one here is defending her. But using children to get back at her bad behavior? Really? But then again, if the DH picked wife number 1, it's not surprising he'd pick another piece of garbage for wife number 2. [/quote]

I'm the PP who was advising the OP to not be terrible as I've seen the fighting firsthand, and in my opinion OP is casting the first swing that a second wife might respond to.  I'm not in your position OP, but I grew up with parents and stepparents who passive aggressively fought like this, and still do to this day.  It was terrible.  The thing is now I don't have the best relationships with either parent now.  My 78 yo mom still gripes about my father, and guilts me every holiday I spend with him or my ILs because I'm "all she has".  If I point out how she manipulated my relationship with my father and stepmother, she loses it.  On the other hand, my father and stepmom are more focused on their new family.  During a heart to heart years ago after finally plucking up the courage to tell my father how I felt as we grew apart after his second marriage, my father admitted his other children were easier as they weren't angry with him. Do you know how painful it is to hear that your father loves your half siblings more?  There was never any outright fighting; just passive comments, lack of understanding, forced time together, and a general non-cordial relationship that I was in the middle of.  I admit that I was played by my mother and I was terrible to my father and stepmom for years.  But, it took years to counseling to realize I was just a pawn in their game on both sides.  Don't make your kids part of some never-ending game.  The kids will not be alright.

My DH is also the product of divorced parents, but his were and still are friends with each other.  Their spouses even get along, and all of the kids view themselves as family, as there are 8 kids from prior marriages (such as DH) and then 7 kids from new marriages.  There is even a joint thanksgiving every few years so that everyone can spend the holiday without having to choose sides.  It is remarkable.  They are wonderful role models.

Do right by your kids.

[/quote]

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