GF broke up with me because of money problems

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My then boyfriend, now husband, would have paid it. But then I didn't accrue debt. Trust your gut feeling, OP. She's not for you if your first instinct is not to pay her bills!

Op here. I really thought she was the one. When she broke up with me she told me to find someone else to fu** because she's done. I really did not see this coming. We rarely fight.

If you thought she was the one, what was your reluctance to help? Paying off the debt before interest kicked in would have been in both your financial interests if you got married, and it’s not like she was asking you to pay it all off yourself. It sounds like she was planning to put $550 of her own money toward the debt each month (which is more than 25% of her gross income every month), and needed help with the remaining $200 necessary to get it paid off. The only reason not to work together to shore up your financial future is if you’re not sure you’ll have a financial future.

And really, a grad student running up $8k in debt over the course of three years is not spending wildly.

[Anonymous]

How does only $200 until summer help when you are $8000 in debt. She has to be paying at least $200 a month on the interest on that debt alone. And how is $200 that big a deal to you? Loaning, or gifting a GF $200 is no big deal.

When I started reading this, I thought you were going to write that she asked you to cover thousands, or the whole thing. IF she means anything to you, give her the $200 and get on with life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Op here. She wanted me to pay $200 monthly until NEXT summer so she can make $750 in monthly payments until the 8k is paid off. Summer 2019 is when her interest free promotion expires. I gave her $200 for her birthday. We also went on vacation to celebrate her birthday.

Holy F#%k dude. You are the worst writer ever. Could you have just told the whole story in your first post? Or your second? Do we have all the details now. Now I'm glad you lost her. You are an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does only $200 until summer help when you are $8000 in debt. She has to be paying at least $200 a month on the interest on that debt alone. And how is $200 that big a deal to you? Loaning, or gifting a GF $200 is no big deal.

When I started reading this, I thought you were going to write that she asked you to cover thousands, or the whole thing. IF she means anything to you, give her the $200 and get on with life.

Math. $200/mo x until summer next year (let's say 14) = $2800. Not borrowing or a loan. Just paid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably already moved on OP. I don't think you can reverse this.

Yeah, she's moved on to some poor sucker who might pay her monthly CC bills. The nerve!

I had that thought. Having loaned a relative several thousands for credit card debt that was never even an attempt to pay back, I am out that business. I think what will that person do without me loaning money and usually the answer is they step up and figure out a way to do it on their own or they find someone else to “lend” them money. I couldn’t see asking my boyfriend to pay off my credit card debt. The cases I know where the woman loaned the guy several thousands and of dollars to help out with his car or some financial situation normally they never see a dime back and eventually broke up anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP, what are you going to do? Is this it for you two?

[Anonymous]

Ok, I’m hijackjng, but what do y’all say about this scenario:

I work myself and only make about $48k. My BF makes ~$350k. We’ve been dating for a year and just moved in together. Discuss marriage, future, etc. I am 31, he’s 33.

I have $13k in debt. Part consumer, part medical/ vet bills, part ‘I’m trying to start my own business and it had a very slow start so I needed to use CC’s for a while.
I don’t even touch the CC’s anymore. It’ll take me a very long time to pay off, with a lot in interest.

He has told me he will help me out if I need to/ if I ask. I haven’t, because I’m embarrassed.
Do you think it’s out of line for me to ask him to pay it off, and I’ll give him $1k a month, every month, to pay him back? It’s essentially what I would pay now, to pay it off, but It’ll save me a sh*tload in interest/ be done way sooner.

Should I even ask ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I’m hijackjng, but what do y’all say about this scenario:

I work myself and only make about $48k. My BF makes ~$350k. We’ve been dating for a year and just moved in together. Discuss marriage, future, etc. I am 31, he’s 33.

I have $13k in debt. Part consumer, part medical/ vet bills, part ‘I’m trying to start my own business and it had a very slow start so I needed to use CC’s for a while.
I don’t even touch the CC’s anymore. It’ll take me a very long time to pay off, with a lot in interest.

He has told me he will help me out if I need to/ if I ask. I haven’t, because I’m embarrassed.
Do you think it’s out of line for me to ask him to pay it off, and I’ll give him $1k a month, every month, to pay him back? It’s essentially what I would pay now, to pay it off, but It’ll save me a sh*tload in interest/ be done way sooner.

Should I even ask ?

PP here. Meant to say ‘I work *for* myself’, not that that changes anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I’m hijackjng, but what do y’all say about this scenario:

I work myself and only make about $48k. My BF makes ~$350k. We’ve been dating for a year and just moved in together. Discuss marriage, future, etc. I am 31, he’s 33.

I have $13k in debt. Part consumer, part medical/ vet bills, part ‘I’m trying to start my own business and it had a very slow start so I needed to use CC’s for a while.
I don’t even touch the CC’s anymore. It’ll take me a very long time to pay off, with a lot in interest.

He has told me he will help me out if I need to/ if I ask. I haven’t, because I’m embarrassed.
Do you think it’s out of line for me to ask him to pay it off, and I’ll give him $1k a month, every month, to pay him back? It’s essentially what I would pay now, to pay it off, but It’ll save me a sh*tload in interest/ be done way sooner.

Should I even ask ?

When do you get a ring? Just moving on doesn’t make this arrangement permanent and he should only be paying off a spouse’s debt for the health of your collective financial picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I’m hijackjng, but what do y’all say about this scenario:

I work myself and only make about $48k. My BF makes ~$350k. We’ve been dating for a year and just moved in together. Discuss marriage, future, etc. I am 31, he’s 33.

I have $13k in debt. Part consumer, part medical/ vet bills, part ‘I’m trying to start my own business and it had a very slow start so I needed to use CC’s for a while.
I don’t even touch the CC’s anymore. It’ll take me a very long time to pay off, with a lot in interest.

He has told me he will help me out if I need to/ if I ask. I haven’t, because I’m embarrassed.
Do you think it’s out of line for me to ask him to pay it off, and I’ll give him $1k a month, every month, to pay him back? It’s essentially what I would pay now, to pay it off, but It’ll save me a sh*tload in interest/ be done way sooner.

Should I even ask ?

When do you get a ring? Just moving on doesn’t make this arrangement permanent and he should only be paying off a spouse’s debt for the health of your collective financial picture.

PP here. No idea when the rings coming. He says this year (I didn’t ask) but I’m not in a rush. I completely agree with you. Does it make a difference that it’s technically a loan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I’m hijackjng, but what do y’all say about this scenario:

I work myself and only make about $48k. My BF makes ~$350k. We’ve been dating for a year and just moved in together. Discuss marriage, future, etc. I am 31, he’s 33.

I have $13k in debt. Part consumer, part medical/ vet bills, part ‘I’m trying to start my own business and it had a very slow start so I needed to use CC’s for a while.
I don’t even touch the CC’s anymore. It’ll take me a very long time to pay off, with a lot in interest.

He has told me he will help me out if I need to/ if I ask. I haven’t, because I’m embarrassed.
Do you think it’s out of line for me to ask him to pay it off, and I’ll give him $1k a month, every month, to pay him back? It’s essentially what I would pay now, to pay it off, but It’ll save me a sh*tload in interest/ be done way sooner.

Should I even ask ?

He should have offered, but yes... I think it’s totally fine and if he loves you and wants to be with you he should never ask for the $1000 back.

Maybe I am from a bother culture, but being so stingy with money on both sides is the most unattractive thing ever. FYI my DH makes more than I do, is a lot older, but I come from Money and he does not, I have inheritance and trust fund so I am the last person looking for a sugar daddy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I’m hijackjng, but what do y’all say about this scenario:

I work myself and only make about $48k. My BF makes ~$350k. We’ve been dating for a year and just moved in together. Discuss marriage, future, etc. I am 31, he’s 33.

I have $13k in debt. Part consumer, part medical/ vet bills, part ‘I’m trying to start my own business and it had a very slow start so I needed to use CC’s for a while.
I don’t even touch the CC’s anymore. It’ll take me a very long time to pay off, with a lot in interest.

He has told me he will help me out if I need to/ if I ask. I haven’t, because I’m embarrassed.
Do you think it’s out of line for me to ask him to pay it off, and I’ll give him $1k a month, every month, to pay him back? It’s essentially what I would pay now, to pay it off, but It’ll save me a sh*tload in interest/ be done way sooner.

Should I even ask ?

He should have offered, but yes... I think it’s totally fine and if he loves you and wants to be with you he should never ask for the $1000 back.

Maybe I am from a bother culture, but being so stingy with money on both sides is the most unattractive thing ever. FYI my DH makes more than I do, is a lot older, but I come from Money and he does not, I have inheritance and trust fund so I am the last person looking for a sugar daddy

PP here. Thanks. He does love me and want a future with me and all that, but it’s not just a quick $1000. I’m essentially asking to borrow $13,000 - that’s a lot of money - and have faith that I’ll actually pay him back.
I am absolutely going to, I’m just saying from his point of view. Neither of us come from money and both work really hard. He knows me and my spending habits... I never go shopping, use coupons at the grocery store etc. So I wouldn’t rack up debt again. I truly do see it as ‘an investment in our financial health’. I don’t want to be in a situation where my credit or debt is stopping us from living our life together. So if I can get rid of of soon, to prevent that, I’ll be much happier. I would give him $1k/month, so he’d be paid back in a year.

[Anonymous]

women want the $, is the hot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I’m hijackjng, but what do y’all say about this scenario:

I work myself and only make about $48k. My BF makes ~$350k. We’ve been dating for a year and just moved in together. Discuss marriage, future, etc. I am 31, he’s 33.

I have $13k in debt. Part consumer, part medical/ vet bills, part ‘I’m trying to start my own business and it had a very slow start so I needed to use CC’s for a while.
I don’t even touch the CC’s anymore. It’ll take me a very long time to pay off, with a lot in interest.

He has told me he will help me out if I need to/ if I ask. I haven’t, because I’m embarrassed.
Do you think it’s out of line for me to ask him to pay it off, and I’ll give him $1k a month, every month, to pay him back? It’s essentially what I would pay now, to pay it off, but It’ll save me a sh*tload in interest/ be done way sooner.

Should I even ask ?

He should have offered, but yes... I think it’s totally fine and if he loves you and wants to be with you he should never ask for the $1000 back.

Maybe I am from a bother culture, but being so stingy with money on both sides is the most unattractive thing ever. FYI my DH makes more than I do, is a lot older, but I come from Money and he does not, I have inheritance and trust fund so I am the last person looking for a sugar daddy

PP here. Thanks. He does love me and want a future with me and all that, but it’s not just a quick $1000. I’m essentially asking to borrow $13,000 - that’s a lot of money - and have faith that I’ll actually pay him back.
I am absolutely going to, I’m just saying from his point of view. Neither of us come from money and both work really hard. He knows me and my spending habits... I never go shopping, use coupons at the grocery store etc. So I wouldn’t rack up debt again. I truly do see it as ‘an investment in our financial health’. I don’t want to be in a situation where my credit or debt is stopping us from living our life together. So if I can get rid of of soon, to prevent that, I’ll be much happier. I would give him $1k/month, so he’d be paid back in a year.

Do it. My now-DH paid off my debt when we were dating, and he didn't ask for me to pay him back.

Just don't rack up debt again and cancel the credit cards.

[Anonymous]

PP here. That’s actually exactly what I was going to do. I have 3, was going to cancel 2. I just want one open with a low limit ($3k) because I have work expenses occasionally (that get paid back at the end of each month).