GF broke up with me because of money problems

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you guys are really young (like just graduated college), if after three years you're not comfortable helping her out when she's in a financial bind even though you could, that means you're not sure whether you're going to be with her for the long haul. If someone were still unsure about me after three years, I'd take it as a sign it's time to move on.

That's one interpretation. It's not for me. I have two issues with it.

First is gender roles. I can only imagine if a woman was posting about her boyfriend asking for "help" because he's in debt. I think we'd be ALL OVER saying that this is a loser she needs to dump and and move on.

Second, before I'd get behind this interpretation, I'd want to know more about what this girlfriend has offered OP throughout the course of their relationship. I mean on all fronts, not just financially. Everyone needs help sometimes, and give and take is important. Is she there for him? Would she do the same for him if the situation is reversed? How did this happen (the debt) and has she been responsible?

[Anonymous]

What are your ages? Are you a lot older than your GF?

[Anonymous]

You've been dating for 3 years, you don't live together, and she's in grad school at the moment. Most strong couples help each other out during grad school. It sounds like she was testing you and you failed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who paid for the recent vacation? Who was going to pay for the trip to NY? If she was contributing to these trips she should have used the money to pay down her debt. If you paid for these trips and now she wants you to pay down her debt you are a chump. If I were engaged to her I would help her out but otherwise no.

Op here. She paid for her airfare and I paid everything else. We do not live together. I always pay for everything when we go out to dinner. I do make significantly more money than her. My salary is 90k and she's probably at 24k.

So she has no leftover money after she pays rent I am assuming?

+1. She cannot be paying for airfare for these trips on a grad student’s salary. It sounds like she’s gone into debt to keep up with you. Dumb and naive but now she is in over her head. If you are serious about her and can afford it, help her. If not, this is probably the end of the road for your three yr relationship.

[Anonymous]

Is she attractive and generally pleasant? I’ll zero her debt and be happy.

— Sad Divorcing Guy w/ Money

[Anonymous]

OP here. Well she did tell me she choose me out of a million guys and she's not feeling like I support her enough emotionally. She's probably right. She has a lot more options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well she did tell me she choose me out of a million guys and she's not feeling like I support her enough emotionally. She's probably right. She has a lot more options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've been dating for 3 years, you don't live together, and she's in grad school at the moment. Most strong couples help each other out during grad school. It sounds like she was testing you and you failed.

Help, sure. He pays for dates, etc. paying off a CC seems like a whole 'nother ballpark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well she did tell me she choose me out of a million guys and she's not feeling like I support her enough emotionally. She's probably right. She has a lot more options.

She means financially?

[Anonymous]

Are you a troll or what? You said she broke up with you, but she didn't, she just got more distant. Did you get your storylines mixed up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've been dating for 3 years, you don't live together, and she's in grad school at the moment. Most strong couples help each other out during grad school. It sounds like she was testing you and you failed.

Help, sure. He pays for dates, etc. paying off a CC seems like a whole 'nother ballpark.

NP: I don't think he's under any obligation to give her money, but she didn't ask him to pay off a CC. She asked him to loan her $200.

He doesn't have to do that but he also can't act shocked that someone who makes less than a third of what he makes cannot go on as many trips as he can. She's basically on a stipend and needs all that money to cover rent and food. Instead of understanding that she can't afford to travel he's saying she "broke up with" him because she backed out of a trip. He sounds like he's demanding a lot from her on the time/travel front and she literally cannot afford it, and he's being dramatic about her trying to scale back. If you have this big of an income disparity in a relationship the rule is you live to the broke one's standards or the rich one treats.

[Anonymous]

Is it medical/SL debt or consumer debt? If it's consumer debt, count yourself lucky. This could be an indication of her money management skills.

It's one thing if you offered to help. It's another thing for her to expect you to pay her debt. How incredibly entitled of her.

If the gf wanted to keep up with OP, she could've gotten a second job on top of her grad stipend.

[Anonymous]

I’ll admit when I was a grad student, my boyfriend paid for everything. I was poor and he made over a million dollars a yr. There was no way I could afford doing the things he liked with him without him paying for me.

She is 8k in debt. Pay it off if you love her and can afford to.

If she is attractive, she certainly has other richer options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a troll or what? You said she broke up with you, but she didn't, she just got more distant. Did you get your storylines mixed up?

OP here. She broke things off today and canceled the trip. She said it's too stressful being with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a troll or what? You said she broke up with you, but she didn't, she just got more distant. Did you get your storylines mixed up?

OP here. She broke things off today and canceled the trip. She said it's too stressful being with me.

Okay, so she was going through financial stress, asked you for help, you treated it as a joke, and she broke up with you. You seem to think she's a gold digger so this is a win, right?