GF broke up with me because of money problems

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe you didn't see it coming. She is a grad student with a generous 24k a year income. I remember grad school. I either took my solo carefully planned budget trips or the guy paid. There was no question that I would not blend into the lifestyle of the other person by spending my money. I would stay in a hostel and take a messenger service free airfare (if you even know what it means) when I wanted to see new destinations. You priced the relationship at 8k. Try to get the cheaper one next time.

Actually it's more like 2-3k. She wanted him to help with payments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Op here. I really thought she was the one. When she broke up with me she told me to find someone else to fu** because she's done. I really did not see this coming. We rarely fight.

OP, she did not break up with you because of money problems. She broke up with you because you have different expectations. She thought that after three years together, you two were in a partnership where the mutual good of the couple took precedence over the individual--or at leas you were working toward that. That her being in grad school and living on a stipend was a temporary situation that you were fine with putting up with because you were in it for the long term.

By laughing at her for her request for 200 dollars to help stave off her debt you demonstrated that you did not think she was the one and you were not in it for the long term. Nothing wrong with that--and if you are not interested in the long term, you should not be supporting her at all (or dating for three years). But if you did think she was the one and you saw this as potential for marriage, then it makes no sense that you would not freaking pay the 200$ (in lieu of a vacation, or dinner or whatever) because you would not be thinking in terms of her vs me but in terms of us. So that's why she broke up. She feels like she can't count on you now, after 3 years, why should she in the future?

Op here. She wanted me to pay $200 monthly until NEXT summer so she can make $750 in monthly payments until the 8k is paid off. Summer 2019 is when her interest free promotion expires. I gave her $200 for her birthday. We also went on vacation to celebrate her birthday.

Interest free till next summer at $750 a month make for $9,750. Regardless, after three years you should have known if she had debt and what are your joint plans about it if you serious.

[Anonymous]

OP you broke up with a hot 24 year old over a few thousand dollars? Can I have her email?

[Anonymous]

It's one thing to ask to borrow money. But asking for a monthly stipend is weird. That's getting into sugar baby territory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe you didn't see it coming. She is a grad student with a generous 24k a year income. I remember grad school. I either took my solo carefully planned budget trips or the guy paid. There was no question that I would not blend into the lifestyle of the other person by spending my money. I would stay in a hostel and take a messenger service free airfare (if you even know what it means) when I wanted to see new destinations. You priced the relationship at 8k. Try to get the cheaper one next time.

Actually it's more like 2-3k. She wanted him to help with payments.

Thank you. Forgot about that. OP, tells a real reason for the break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's one thing to ask to borrow money. But asking for a monthly stipend is weird. That's getting into sugar baby territory.

Did you miss the part where op said he's 11 years older!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's one thing to ask to borrow money. But asking for a monthly stipend is weird. That's getting into sugar baby territory.

Looks like she explained pretty well that it's for covering interest free promotion. $200/month as a sugar baby is funny. I would say: "honey, I am babysitting/tutoring/selling art during the weekends you wanted to go on a trip". It will get me much more than $200 a month.

[Anonymous]

If I were the op: I would want to see the charges. If several thousand was airfare from our trips together I would pay it off as she couldn’t really afford those trips but we had the enjoyment together.

If her 8k is actually clothing and eating out and manicures and all sorts of splurges the forget it. She doesn’t have fiscal responsibility and probably never will.

Don’t live beyond your means. At 24k she should charge her groceries and necessities. Nothing else.

Pay her phone, insurance, etc each month and save.

That shows fiscal responsibility and makes for a solid partner.
And if she’s cute and fun in bed. Then as the BF you splurge like crazy on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were the op: I would want to see the charges. If several thousand was airfare from our trips together I would pay it off as she couldn’t really afford those trips but we had the enjoyment together.

If her 8k is actually clothing and eating out and manicures and all sorts of splurges the forget it. She doesn’t have fiscal responsibility and probably never will.

Don’t live beyond your means. At 24k she should charge her groceries and necessities. Nothing else.

Pay her phone, insurance, etc each month and save.

That shows fiscal responsibility and makes for a solid partner.
And if she’s cute and fun in bed. Then as the BF you splurge like crazy on her.

It's sounds like instead of splurging she prefers the debt to be paid off. It honestly sounds reasonable to me OP.

[Anonymous]

She wanted to pay off her debt with the interest free promotion. If you were in it for the long haul that would be in your interest as well.

It's fine to not have gone along with it. But if I was in a relationship for three years I would think I could approach a significant other about solving a long term debt problem. This was an intelligent and practical financial goal and she was going to be more than matching with $750 bucks a month.

She doesn't sound like a gold digger she sounds like someone who had different expectations about the relationship. You act like everything is hunky dory and she's trying to make a plan to get out of debt. You never fight but did you not know about this burden?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last week my girlfriend asked me to help her pay off debt. We were on vacation and she said her debt is stressing her out. She's got $8,000 in credit card debt. She's in school and works part time as a TA. She asked if I could pay $200 towards her debt until next summer. On one hand I am happy she has been honest with me about her finances, but I wasn't comfortable doing this. I told her I would think about it. I really thought she was joking. Things have not been the same since we had this conversation. She's been very distant. We have been together for 3 years. We are supposed to go away to NY next weekend but she called off the trip.

Dump this parasite already

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Op here. She paid for her airfare and I paid everything else. We do not live together. I always pay for everything when we go out to dinner. I do make significantly more money than her. My salary is 90k and she's probably at 24k.

LOL. Why are you dating a woman who makes 1/4 of what you make? Does she have a golden vagina? Is she the hottest woman you've ever porked? Why do you pay for everything? Stop it already...mee-yow

[Anonymous]

I would have dumped you as well OP. After 3 years of being together you can't help her when she needs it the most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were the op: I would want to see the charges. If several thousand was airfare from our trips together I would pay it off as she couldn’t really afford those trips but we had the enjoyment together.

If her 8k is actually clothing and eating out and manicures and all sorts of splurges the forget it. She doesn’t have fiscal responsibility and probably never will.

Don’t live beyond your means. At 24k she should charge her groceries and necessities. Nothing else.

Pay her phone, insurance, etc each month and save.

That shows fiscal responsibility and makes for a solid partner.
And if she’s cute and fun in bed. Then as the BF you splurge like crazy on her.

You can't be serious? OP is not her dad! If he wants to help her get out of debt that's fine but no way should he go over all the charges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your ages? Are you a lot older than your GF?

OP here. I am 35 and and she's 24.

I think age probably played a big role. I went through a similar situation- dated a man 12 years older in my early 20s. People change a LOT in their 20s as they discover who they are, have new experiences, and mature. The things you wanted in a partner at 21 are very different than the things you want at 28. Since you mentioned other emotional problems in your relationship, I think she also likely realized things weren’t going to change and grew the confidence to end it. She’s also probably realized that there is a whole, huge world out there full of opportunity and she doesn’t want to be held back (and, yes, also probably realizes there are much bigger fish out there). The best thing you can do for her now is let her be free.