Sending kids to live with their dad for a time

[Anonymous]

This week -
1 - if you need food, find out when food banks in your area pass out food and plan to go to their next distribution.

2 - start calling around for lower cost childcare arrangements - will your child qualify for head start?

3 - there are jobs for virtual assistants and other work from home type jobs that are legit. Look into these and apply. They are not ideal but they are something

4 - reach out to your friend and let her know that you are really truly struggling. Ask if she can take the kids for a couple hours this week just so that you can a short break.

5 - reach out to your family, yes it sucks to do so, and I get where you are coming from bc we are the same kind of family but if any of my siblings ever called me and said they truly needed money, I would give them whatever I could.

And in terms of CS, I don't think you are going to get that much more. I have a salary comparable to a GS-13 and if your DH moves back to the DC area, $1050 is going to be a significant portion of his check. Keep in mind he will have to find a place to live and this will be a place that your kids will visit at so you want it to be in a decent neighborhood.

If you are truly still overwhelmed in a month, move back overseas and live with your DH. Get a job and start saving money. Plan to separate upon his job returning to the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This week -
1 - if you need food, find out when food banks in your area pass out food and plan to go to their next distribution.

2 - start calling around for lower cost childcare arrangements - will your child qualify for head start?

3 - there are jobs for virtual assistants and other work from home type jobs that are legit. Look into these and apply. They are not ideal but they are something

4 - reach out to your friend and let her know that you are really truly struggling. Ask if she can take the kids for a couple hours this week just so that you can a short break.

5 - reach out to your family, yes it sucks to do so, and I get where you are coming from bc we are the same kind of family but if any of my siblings ever called me and said they truly needed money, I would give them whatever I could.

And in terms of CS, I don't think you are going to get that much more. I have a salary comparable to a GS-13 and if your DH moves back to the DC area, $1050 is going to be a significant portion of his check. Keep in mind he will have to find a place to live and this will be a place that your kids will visit at so you want it to be in a decent neighborhood.

If you are truly still overwhelmed in a month, move back overseas and live with your DH. Get a job and start saving money. Plan to separate upon his job returning to the US.

1 - I'm on food stamps and am okay for right now.

2 - I've applied for early head start for my son and have also applied for childcare vouchers, which cover a portion of costs for private daycare.

3 - I will look into that.

4 - My friend has just had a miscarriage and I don't think this is a good time to ask her. Otherwise I would - I could really use a break.

5 - I'll seek to sell my engagement ring I've try next week or two. Hopefully the proceeds would tide me over until I get a higher paying job.

You're right about the CS. I don't imagine I could get much more, though I will look into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you were a bar manager? Why have you not found another bar or restaurant to work in? If you don't need health insurance get a job as a bartender. Or if your looks are ok, stripping would also be a better option than sending your children away.

Am I the only one who thinks a bar might be too tempting to someone who is newly sober?

[Anonymous]

OP, what kind of father was he to the children before you left? You mention up thread that he drinks heavily; this would really give me pause.

Since you live in Western MD, wondering if you are anywhere near FSU? That might be an untapped resource for you in terms of employment and childcare. Maybe they have a daycare on site or you could find a student who would want to provide daycare at a more reasonable rate.

Lastly and no judgement here but don't go down the stripping route if there is anyway your husband could find out. You wouldn't want it to be used against you in any way during the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what kind of father was he to the children before you left? You mention up thread that he drinks heavily; this would really give me pause.

Since you live in Western MD, wondering if you are anywhere near FSU? That might be an untapped resource for you in terms of employment and childcare. Maybe they have a daycare on site or you could find a student who would want to provide daycare at a more reasonable rate.

Lastly and no judgement here but don't go down the stripping route if there is anyway your husband could find out. You wouldn't want it to be used against you in any way during the divorce.

Husband is kind of a checked out person in general, when he's not furious (constantly on his phone/watching TV). He has been diagnosed with ADHD in he past but was reevaluated and they didn't find that he had it - however, his behavior is very consistent with having ADHD. I worry a lot about his getting easily overwhelmed, and therefore angry, and also not taking enough safety precautions. (Over the summer he was visiting a family with a pool and our daughter almost drowned.)

Yes, I live in Frostburg. The campus has childcare for kids 2+ for students, faculty, and staff (I'm considering going back to school for a masters so looked into this) and have applied to jobs there as well. I have a couple of faculty friends, which is no help to me, outside of the pleasure of having friends who are super smart in one facet of study!

[Anonymous]

OP - I say this kindly. I was a single mom for 11 years with no help from DC father so I know how stressful it is. I know you are really struggling and trying to cope.

You've brought up sending them to their dad's several times over the last few months. Are you concerned or at the point where you are worried you may harm yourself or them? Again, not accusing. I know how desperate this all can feel and I just needed to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you should. You don't seemed to be equipped to parent. Child support is a formula. Gas is not his responsibility. PT the kids.

If he's paying the minimum for child support and she needs more money to care for the kids, it's his responsibility. He is obligated to his children to make sure they are in a stable situation. Diapers and gas is NOTHING. You are a pig.

umm... child support is not a minimum threshold. His responsibility is the amount of child support. There is no legal obligation beyond that. It is considered his share of the amount required to support the children's needs. the mother is responsible for some portion of the children's needs also. The child support is not calculated to cover the mother's living expenses. The mother is responsible for those. Sounds to me like he is paying his share but the mother isn't keeping up her end.

[Anonymous]

Op, my friend moved to San Antonio to start over. Low taxes, low cost of living, good services and infrastructure. She did some kind of nursing program where the employer is paying for her schooling; she will have to continue to work for them for x years after graduation or pay it back.

If your child support is set, maybe take it somewhere affordable?

San Antonio is a beautiful town. Here's a link on daycare costs.

http://www.city-data.com/forum/san-antonio/1671962-daycare-tuition.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This week -
1 - if you need food, find out when food banks in your area pass out food and plan to go to their next distribution.

2 - start calling around for lower cost childcare arrangements - will your child qualify for head start?

3 - there are jobs for virtual assistants and other work from home type jobs that are legit. Look into these and apply. They are not ideal but they are something

4 - reach out to your friend and let her know that you are really truly struggling. Ask if she can take the kids for a couple hours this week just so that you can a short break.

5 - reach out to your family, yes it sucks to do so, and I get where you are coming from bc we are the same kind of family but if any of my siblings ever called me and said they truly needed money, I would give them whatever I could.

And in terms of CS, I don't think you are going to get that much more. I have a salary comparable to a GS-13 and if your DH moves back to the DC area, $1050 is going to be a significant portion of his check. Keep in mind he will have to find a place to live and this will be a place that your kids will visit at so you want it to be in a decent neighborhood.

If you are truly still overwhelmed in a month, move back overseas and live with your DH. Get a job and start saving money. Plan to separate upon his job returning to the US.

If you run a calculator with a GS 13 salary you get at least double that payment, and even more so depending on health insurance amounts, and childcare costs. A man with 2 children should expect that a large portion of his check will go to support his kids. Having a decent place for his kids to live most of the time, is going to take priority over a location they only visit once in a while.

OP, I don't know which agency your DH is with, but I'd contact whatever office provides family services at that agency (e.g. FLO if he's with State), because getting the child support order fixed to match state guidelines should be your first priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This week -
1 - if you need food, find out when food banks in your area pass out food and plan to go to their next distribution.

2 - start calling around for lower cost childcare arrangements - will your child qualify for head start?

3 - there are jobs for virtual assistants and other work from home type jobs that are legit. Look into these and apply. They are not ideal but they are something

4 - reach out to your friend and let her know that you are really truly struggling. Ask if she can take the kids for a couple hours this week just so that you can a short break.

5 - reach out to your family, yes it sucks to do so, and I get where you are coming from bc we are the same kind of family but if any of my siblings ever called me and said they truly needed money, I would give them whatever I could.

And in terms of CS, I don't think you are going to get that much more. I have a salary comparable to a GS-13 and if your DH moves back to the DC area, $1050 is going to be a significant portion of his check. Keep in mind he will have to find a place to live and this will be a place that your kids will visit at so you want it to be in a decent neighborhood.

If you are truly still overwhelmed in a month, move back overseas and live with your DH. Get a job and start saving money. Plan to separate upon his job returning to the US.

1 - I'm on food stamps and am okay for right now.

2 - I've applied for early head start for my son and have also applied for childcare vouchers, which cover a portion of costs for private daycare.

3 - I will look into that.

4 - My friend has just had a miscarriage and I don't think this is a good time to ask her. Otherwise I would - I could really use a break.

5 - I'll seek to sell my engagement ring I've try next week or two. Hopefully the proceeds would tide me over until I get a higher paying job.

You're right about the CS. I don't imagine I could get much more, though I will look into it.

Well it may feel like your are drowning burnt sounds like you are doing better thank you think
Hang in there

[Anonymous]

I think you could get on care.com and post to be a Nanny while taking your youngest to work with you. You won’t make as much as in DC, but you would have a steady income.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are under 5 and only se their father every 3-4 months but you want to ship them off to live with him? He’s going to seem like a stranger to them.

[Anonymous]

How's it going, OP? I'm thinking about you and hoping you are doing okay.

[Anonymous]

Is your husband getting a supplement from his employer for maintaining 2 households since you are still married, this may count. Might be worth looking into. Also, I assume he is still a resident of a state in the US. Have you spoke to someone in that state about their child support requirements for an overseas parent who is a state resident?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband getting a supplement from his employer for maintaining 2 households since you are still married, this may count. Might be worth looking into. Also, I assume he is still a resident of a state in the US. Have you spoke to someone in that state about their child support requirements for an overseas parent who is a state resident?

DCSE must have already determined this and it is probably on the order itself. They had to have used that state's guidelines to set the support amount.