Sending kids to live with their dad for a time

[Anonymous]

So you’d give up being in your kids’ lives and seeing them because your family with money just “isn’t set up that way.”

Hmmmm. Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not a very supportive message board. It is good that you are asking here though. There may be 1 or 2 good ideas among all of the critics. Your post brought tears to my eyes because I was in a similar situation as a single mother.

1-Sell the ring. Try not to thing about how sad it is. Keep the cash and do not account for it in documentation for social services.

2-Call all of the church preschools and daycares in the area. Ask if you can volunteer in exchange for scholarships until your subsidy kicks in, during the hours you are not at your part time job.

3-Go to social services and ask to speak to a social worker about subsidized housing. Not the intake person.

4-Ask family for help.

5-If you have to send the kids to live with dad, that's what you have to do. You are in an awful predicament and there is not enough of a quick way out of it to give you other choices.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

If he's overseas all the time then he's not taking care of them at all, is that right? All he is doing is paying 12k a year but not actually helping to care for them with his time? He should be paying more. He sounds like a jackass and a terrible father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's overseas all the time then he's not taking care of them at all, is that right? All he is doing is paying 12k a year but not actually helping to care for them with his time? He should be paying more. He sounds like a jackass and a terrible father.

They both sound like they're not ready to parent. He gave them up, now she will. Those poor kids.

[Anonymous]

OP: I remember you posting this exact same question 6 months or maybe a year ago. I can’t help but think that single parenting is harder than you thought and you don’t actually want your kids. Is that wrong? Most people don’t seriously contemplate sending their kids away — multiple times — before they have tried asking family for money, pulling kids from expensive childcare, basically anything really... I think you need to figure out what your actual priorities are.

[Anonymous]

Please do not let the people saying you don't want your kids get to you. You were able to get out of the marriage and move back here with the kids. That was huge. Obviously you are in an impossible situation. It's easy for people to judge and offer pithy solutions because they have no idea.

[Anonymous]

OP - have you been able to find a therapist or support group? I know you need a lot of support. This board isn't the best place for long term and ongoing support that you need. And this is your 2nd or 3rd post this week. You need someone face to face.

And sell the ring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you been able to find a therapist or support group? I know you need a lot of support. This board isn't the best place for long term and ongoing support that you need. And this is your 2nd or 3rd post this week. You need someone face to face.

And sell the ring.

I'm in therapy. I'm booking an appraisal for the ring. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you been able to find a therapist or support group? I know you need a lot of support. This board isn't the best place for long term and ongoing support that you need. And this is your 2nd or 3rd post this week. You need someone face to face.

And sell the ring.

I'm in therapy. I'm booking an appraisal for the ring. Thank you.

How are you affording therapy? Is it free?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I remember you posting this exact same question 6 months or maybe a year ago. I can’t help but think that single parenting is harder than you thought and you don’t actually want your kids. Is that wrong? Most people don’t seriously contemplate sending their kids away — multiple times — before they have tried asking family for money, pulling kids from expensive childcare, basically anything really... I think you need to figure out what your actual priorities are.

I fear she's trying to convince herself it's the best thing for everyone to send the kids to live with their father, rather than facing the shame of wanting relief from mothering them. She will not allow herself to admit it. But everything she's saying here points to that. I think now is the time to begin a thread about how to cope with being overwhelmed and unprepared for motherhood.

[Anonymous]

Open your own home daycare. You will have zero childcare fees for your own children and you can bring an income in.

[Anonymous]

OP, now would be the time to ask your family for money if they have money. Or, a place to stay. Unless they exact a large emotional price for asking (which in my family may have happened.)

Can you rent a room in a house with another single mom?

Go to food pantries near you. See if you qualify for clothes and assistance from your county. In MoCo there is the Interfaith Clothing Center, but I do think you need a referral. There may be something similar where you are living or churches which provide a similar service.

Look into babysitting and petsitting/walking as a way to make money while being able to keep your kids with you and not pay for day care until you get a higher paying job.

If you can't do this, can you get a job at some place like Starbucks or Costco that might have more benefits?

The idea about volunteering at the nonprofit daycares and preschools is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you been able to find a therapist or support group? I know you need a lot of support. This board isn't the best place for long term and ongoing support that you need. And this is your 2nd or 3rd post this week. You need someone face to face.

And sell the ring.

I'm in therapy. I'm booking an appraisal for the ring. Thank you.

How are you affording therapy? Is it free?

My therapist (DC area) and I Skype. He does it pro bono.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I remember you posting this exact same question 6 months or maybe a year ago. I can’t help but think that single parenting is harder than you thought and you don’t actually want your kids. Is that wrong? Most people don’t seriously contemplate sending their kids away — multiple times — before they have tried asking family for money, pulling kids from expensive childcare, basically anything really... I think you need to figure out what your actual priorities are.

I fear she's trying to convince herself it's the best thing for everyone to send the kids to live with their father, rather than facing the shame of wanting relief from mothering them. She will not allow herself to admit it. But everything she's saying here points to that. I think now is the time to begin a thread about how to cope with being overwhelmed and unprepared for motherhood.

I love my children. I am overwhelmed at being in debt and having trouble finding (well-paying) work, and worried about the logistics once I do find work again. My previous job I WAH, and my boss was more task than hour oriented.

[Anonymous]

Do you think he will agree to return the kids after you get established, if you send them there temporarily?