Sending kids to live with their dad for a time

[Anonymous]

He pays 1050 a month for 2 kids under 5?
Do you have a lawyer?

[Anonymous]

You will not get them back. If you are ok with that, then send them. That's how we gained custody of my step kids 15 years ago. Ex-wife was a disaster despite 3,000 a month in child support. We offered to take the kids for a year while she got back on her feet. We petitioned for physical custody a few months later and won easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you living in different places? How far apart are you—how many hours by car?

I posted a lot last year. STBX lives overseas (fed), and I had no chance of separating while there. It's ~12 hours of travel. He's just been promoted but tentatively plans to return to the US a year after the promotion is official. I don't have that kind of time.

Are you out of your f^ucking mind? You realize you will never get your kids back if you send them to live in another country. At that point, you operate according to the country's laws where he lives. Do not do this if you love your children. If you are done with them and just not willing to admit it, that's a different thing.

I just feel totally screwed. The CS covers rent and my daughter's preschool. My smaller child's daycare will be $700, plus phone, gas, electric, fuel, incidentals (of which there are NONE now). I had to scrounge to feed us for several days before I got food stamps over the weekend. It is dire.

I am heartbroken to think I about living apart from them but I am worried about my ability to afford care for both of them while I get on my feet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he not paying child support?

He is, but it's not enough. It was kind of forced by the state to get me off the dole. If I ask for anything extra (recently, have asked for more for gas in my car and diapers) he gets pissed off, so I try not to go that route.

No parents, friends, church, family? Nobody else to help you? Where do you live?

No. I really can't rely upon anyone, not consistently anyway.

I live in western Maryland. I came here for the low COL and because I have a close friend here. Everything was fine until I lost my job three months ago. Now I am seriously struggling. I may have to sell my engagement ring.

Engagement ring? To the piece of shit who gave it to you that won't pay proper child support? Of COURSE you sell it.

You just said you have a close friend that you moved to Maryland to be near, but that friend isn't reliable? That friend won't help you out? Babysitting while on a job interview? Your friend can see you're struggling to pay for diapers and doesn't offer to help? Can you babysit other people's kids and bring yours along for the extra money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you should. You don't seemed to be equipped to parent. Child support is a formula. Gas is not his responsibility. PT the kids.

I know it's a formula, but because he's overseas, they couldn't mandate that he pay the minimum required by the state I live in.

He pays 1050 a month. He's a GS-13.

So he refuses to pay you the minimum? What do you think will happen once he has the kids in a different country? How cooperative do you think he'll be then?

He works with the federal government, so the process is highly documented.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He pays 1050 a month for 2 kids under 5?
Do you have a lawyer?

I cannot currently afford a lawyer. He agreement was created with the department of social services.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you living in different places? How far apart are you—how many hours by car?

I posted a lot last year. STBX lives overseas (fed), and I had no chance of separating while there. It's ~12 hours of travel. He's just been promoted but tentatively plans to return to the US a year after the promotion is official. I don't have that kind of time.

Are you out of your f^ucking mind? You realize you will never get your kids back if you send them to live in another country. At that point, you operate according to the country's laws where he lives. Do not do this if you love your children. If you are done with them and just not willing to admit it, that's a different thing.

I just feel totally screwed. The CS covers rent and my daughter's preschool. My smaller child's daycare will be $700, plus phone, gas, electric, fuel, incidentals (of which there are NONE now). I had to scrounge to feed us for several days before I got food stamps over the weekend. It is dire.

I am heartbroken to think I about living apart from them but I am worried about my ability to afford care for both of them while I get on my feet.

You said you were with the kids all the time. Why are you paying for preschool? Why are you paying for daycare when you don't have a job? Once you have a job, then you can pay for daycare. Why are you scrounging to feed yourselves if your friend is right there? Your friend is useless to you??

[Anonymous]

Pull your kids out of daycare. You aren’t working so why are they in Daycare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he not paying child support?

He is, but it's not enough. It was kind of forced by the state to get me off the dole. If I ask for anything extra (recently, have asked for more for gas in my car and diapers) he gets pissed off, so I try not to go that route.

No parents, friends, church, family? Nobody else to help you? Where do you live?

No. I really can't rely upon anyone, not consistently anyway.

I live in western Maryland. I came here for the low COL and because I have a close friend here. Everything was fine until I lost my job three months ago. Now I am seriously struggling. I may have to sell my engagement ring.

Engagement ring? To the piece of shit who gave it to you that won't pay proper child support? Of COURSE you sell it.

You just said you have a close friend that you moved to Maryland to be near, but that friend isn't reliable? That friend won't help you out? Babysitting while on a job interview? Your friend can see you're struggling to pay for diapers and doesn't offer to help? Can you babysit other people's kids and bring yours along for the extra money?

I don't want to be sentimental (but I am): the center stone was given to me by my grandmother. It's 100 years old.

I really thought she would be more supportive, but she's just not. She has a very busy and full life and I feel like I'm burdening her by asking her to watch my kids.

I will look into babysitting other kids to save on my younger kid's costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you living in different places? How far apart are you—how many hours by car?

I posted a lot last year. STBX lives overseas (fed), and I had no chance of separating while there. It's ~12 hours of travel. He's just been promoted but tentatively plans to return to the US a year after the promotion is official. I don't have that kind of time.

Are you out of your f^ucking mind? You realize you will never get your kids back if you send them to live in another country. At that point, you operate according to the country's laws where he lives. Do not do this if you love your children. If you are done with them and just not willing to admit it, that's a different thing.

I just feel totally screwed. The CS covers rent and my daughter's preschool. My smaller child's daycare will be $700, plus phone, gas, electric, fuel, incidentals (of which there are NONE now). I had to scrounge to feed us for several days before I got food stamps over the weekend. It is dire.

I am heartbroken to think I about living apart from them but I am worried about my ability to afford care for both of them while I get on my feet.

Child support is not supposed to cover all living expenses. Child does not need to be in preschool if you are not working. You need to manage the money better and get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pull your kids out of daycare. You aren’t working so why are they in Daycare?

I found a daycare so I can start working. He hasn't started yet. I have just found a PT job that pays minimum wage - obviously I am applying for higher paying work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you living in different places? How far apart are you—how many hours by car?

I posted a lot last year. STBX lives overseas (fed), and I had no chance of separating while there. It's ~12 hours of travel. He's just been promoted but tentatively plans to return to the US a year after the promotion is official. I don't have that kind of time.

Are you out of your f^ucking mind? You realize you will never get your kids back if you send them to live in another country. At that point, you operate according to the country's laws where he lives. Do not do this if you love your children. If you are done with them and just not willing to admit it, that's a different thing.

I just feel totally screwed. The CS covers rent and my daughter's preschool. My smaller child's daycare will be $700, plus phone, gas, electric, fuel, incidentals (of which there are NONE now). I had to scrounge to feed us for several days before I got food stamps over the weekend. It is dire.

I am heartbroken to think I about living apart from them but I am worried about my ability to afford care for both of them while I get on my feet.

You are way overpaying for childcare when you don't have a job. When you get interviews, you pay for a babysitter. You need to be living and working in DC, not MD. You moved all the way there for COL, but now you're out in the middle of nowhere trying to make it without any support. Your friend sounds worthless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you living in different places? How far apart are you—how many hours by car?

I posted a lot last year. STBX lives overseas (fed), and I had no chance of separating while there. It's ~12 hours of travel. He's just been promoted but tentatively plans to return to the US a year after the promotion is official. I don't have that kind of time.

Are you out of your f^ucking mind? You realize you will never get your kids back if you send them to live in another country. At that point, you operate according to the country's laws where he lives. Do not do this if you love your children. If you are done with them and just not willing to admit it, that's a different thing.

I just feel totally screwed. The CS covers rent and my daughter's preschool. My smaller child's daycare will be $700, plus phone, gas, electric, fuel, incidentals (of which there are NONE now). I had to scrounge to feed us for several days before I got food stamps over the weekend. It is dire.

I am heartbroken to think I about living apart from them but I am worried about my ability to afford care for both of them while I get on my feet.

You said you were with the kids all the time. Why are you paying for preschool? Why are you paying for daycare when you don't have a job? Once you have a job, then you can pay for daycare. Why are you scrounging to feed yourselves if your friend is right there? Your friend is useless to you??

I just mean I am the parent who cares for them day in and day out. I started my daughter in preschool this year because I was working FT. I am looking to work again so don't see it as a good idea to take her out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pull your kids out of daycare. You aren’t working so why are they in Daycare?

I found a daycare so I can start working. He hasn't started yet. I have just found a PT job that pays minimum wage - obviously I am applying for higher paying work.

Get child care vouchers to pay for Daycare. Take him back for child care modification. You don’t need a lawyer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you living in different places? How far apart are you—how many hours by car?

I posted a lot last year. STBX lives overseas (fed), and I had no chance of separating while there. It's ~12 hours of travel. He's just been promoted but tentatively plans to return to the US a year after the promotion is official. I don't have that kind of time.

Are you out of your f^ucking mind? You realize you will never get your kids back if you send them to live in another country. At that point, you operate according to the country's laws where he lives. Do not do this if you love your children. If you are done with them and just not willing to admit it, that's a different thing.

I just feel totally screwed. The CS covers rent and my daughter's preschool. My smaller child's daycare will be $700, plus phone, gas, electric, fuel, incidentals (of which there are NONE now). I had to scrounge to feed us for several days before I got food stamps over the weekend. It is dire.

I am heartbroken to think I about living apart from them but I am worried about my ability to afford care for both of them while I get on my feet.

You are way overpaying for childcare when you don't have a job. When you get interviews, you pay for a babysitter. You need to be living and working in DC, not MD. You moved all the way there for COL, but now you're out in the middle of nowhere trying to make it without any support. Your friend sounds worthless.

I agree I need to relocate, but I have NO MONEY right now. I literally have five dollars in my wallet and am selling things to cover my rent for March. My credit cards are maxed out. I am delinquent on all of my other bills. I need to get money before I can relocate.