<vent> Why does DH always think we'll have sex when he comes back from business trips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this thinking that women are just blow up dolls who should put out whenever their husbands want. Do you really want to have sex with someone who is tired, cranky, and just plain not in the mood?

This is where compromise comes in. Obviously when your partner isn't receptive it's time to wait. Don't force it, totally pathetic and unwanted. It's like dating, you know who is interested and who is not. The signals are usually pretty clear. Step back and be respectful. Wait for a better time. Sex is about both, not just one getting off.

Exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You're not talking about ethics, you're talking about convenience. Don't get the two confused. It's more CONVENIENT to keep everything in tact because god forbid, you had to strike out on your own and you couldn't live off your spouses money, or god forbid you had to split your assets. So, it's not an ethical decision, it's a convenient one. And ethically speaking, cheating on your spouse isn't really in the realm of ethical.

Cheating on your spouse who isn't interested in sex is a heck of a lot more ethical than cheating your kids out of financial and emotional security because you divorced over a lack of sex.

Or, you know, if you don't want to get cheated on, have sex with your spouse.

Or if you don't want to get screwed financially don't cheat.

This is a roundabout argument. I understand both sides. If you don't want to get cheated on, have sex with your spouse. However, I also understand the camp that says, why should I have to force myself to have sex when I don't want to... There is no winner. Which, is why I say. Find someone you are sexually compatible with.

Case in point, I dated a girl for a bit who only did two positions. Never gave blow jobs, and really wasn't that interested in sex. WE BROKE UP. I didn't try to change her or trick myself into believing that it would get better. And there was nothing wrong with her decision to stick to two positions or to have a low drive. We just weren't compatible. Simple. Found someone who shared my sexual needs, and she found someone who shared her sexual needs. No biggie.

I guess you didn't like her all that much, and didn't have a great relationship overall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this thinking that women are just blow up dolls who should put out whenever their husbands want. Do you really want to have sex with someone who is tired, cranky, and just plain not in the mood?

I don't get the sense that people are saying that at all. I think a lot of people are struggling with the notion that this woman is upset that her husband is still attracted to her and, more generally, that a DW thinks it is a bad thing that the DH wants to actually have sex with the person he married and promised to forsake all others for.

Whether all you new age wives want to believe it or not, physical intimacy is important to many people - much more important than doing that last load of laundry. It is about priorities and if having a lasting physical connection to your mate is not your thing, then you better make sure he is ok with it too. Celibacy by unilateral decision NEVER ends well.

No they are saying she better jump in bed the night he comes home, even when she is tired and not in the mood, or he will start cheating.

No one is saying anything about celibacy including OP. Just because she doesn't want to have sex the first night or two after he gets back doesn't mean they never have sex.

lol No kidding. Some miserable people out there and the cheaters are the worst.

+1

Bunch of sad sacks.

I agree. The cheaters are making excuses blaming their spouse instead of the real problem. To think they are subjecting themselves and their spouse to deadly STD's is beyond reckless. My former co-worker got Herpes from kissing, she was devastated. Last weekend a lady told us her sil died of throat cancer..the HPV kind. His ex was very promiscuous so no doubt where he got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You're not talking about ethics, you're talking about convenience. Don't get the two confused. It's more CONVENIENT to keep everything in tact because god forbid, you had to strike out on your own and you couldn't live off your spouses money, or god forbid you had to split your assets. So, it's not an ethical decision, it's a convenient one. And ethically speaking, cheating on your spouse isn't really in the realm of ethical.

Cheating on your spouse who isn't interested in sex is a heck of a lot more ethical than cheating your kids out of financial and emotional security because you divorced over a lack of sex.

Or, you know, if you don't want to get cheated on, have sex with your spouse.

Or if you don't want to get screwed financially don't cheat.

This is a roundabout argument. I understand both sides. If you don't want to get cheated on, have sex with your spouse. However, I also understand the camp that says, why should I have to force myself to have sex when I don't want to... There is no winner. Which, is why I say. Find someone you are sexually compatible with.

Case in point, I dated a girl for a bit who only did two positions. Never gave blow jobs, and really wasn't that interested in sex. WE BROKE UP. I didn't try to change her or trick myself into believing that it would get better. And there was nothing wrong with her decision to stick to two positions or to have a low drive. We just weren't compatible. Simple. Found someone who shared my sexual needs, and she found someone who shared her sexual needs. No biggie.

Here's a true case in point. My good friend divorced her husband after 14 years of marriage. We all told her not to. One reason was very little sex, others included his kids and his mother. All were no big deal because she didn't have to work and he treated her great. Nothing they couldn't work out.
She went back East to visit family and hooked up with a old bf from college. Well they had a ton of sex according to her, and got along pretty well. Within a year she divorced her husband and moved out East. I'm going to say about 7 mo later I get a call from her saying she thinks she made a mistake. This guy wasn't as financially sound and there were other problems. She also got sick of having sex 27/7. I told her to try and get back with ex asap so she flew back here, but it was too late. He found out she cheated from FB or someone that told him. It was a sad situation that didn't end well with her. Her husband was the greatest guy. Her daughter came over and said her mom went from Filet Mignon to hamburger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You're not talking about ethics, you're talking about convenience. Don't get the two confused. It's more CONVENIENT to keep everything in tact because god forbid, you had to strike out on your own and you couldn't live off your spouses money, or god forbid you had to split your assets. So, it's not an ethical decision, it's a convenient one. And ethically speaking, cheating on your spouse isn't really in the realm of ethical.

Cheating on your spouse who isn't interested in sex is a heck of a lot more ethical than cheating your kids out of financial and emotional security because you divorced over a lack of sex.

Or, you know, if you don't want to get cheated on, have sex with your spouse.

Or if you don't want to get screwed financially don't cheat.

This is a roundabout argument. I understand both sides. If you don't want to get cheated on, have sex with your spouse. However, I also understand the camp that says, why should I have to force myself to have sex when I don't want to... There is no winner. Which, is why I say. Find someone you are sexually compatible with.

Case in point, I dated a girl for a bit who only did two positions. Never gave blow jobs, and really wasn't that interested in sex. WE BROKE UP. I didn't try to change her or trick myself into believing that it would get better. And there was nothing wrong with her decision to stick to two positions or to have a low drive. We just weren't compatible. Simple. Found someone who shared my sexual needs, and she found someone who shared her sexual needs. No biggie.

I guess you didn't like her all that much, and didn't have a great relationship overall.

Actually, the opposite. I liked her just fine. But, I also didn't want to get to the point of all the angry DCUM posters where I am posting about my high drive and my DW's low drive and having a bunch of internet strangers tell me to divorce, cheat, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess because he believes you are his loving wife who cares about him, misses him, wants to be with him, and that you too might have some tiny shred of sexual desire?

Well said!

I agree. Reading about marriage on DCUM makes me sad.

- wife who likes sex

[Anonymous]

For all you couples who still want to have sex with each other, I am dying to know your secret.

- a DW who is over sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this thinking that women are just blow up dolls who should put out whenever their husbands want. Do you really want to have sex with someone who is tired, cranky, and just plain not in the mood?

This is where compromise comes in. Obviously when your partner isn't receptive it's time to wait. Don't force it, totally pathetic and unwanted. It's like dating, you know who is interested and who is not. The signals are usually pretty clear. Step back and be respectful. Wait for a better time. Sex is about both, not just one getting off.

Exactly

OK. How often does wife compromise and have sex when she doesn't really feel like it but know DH does? I'll wait. (And if your answer is "every single time" then you have issues and I feel sad that you're in such a sorry marriage.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this thinking that women are just blow up dolls who should put out whenever their husbands want. Do you really want to have sex with someone who is tired, cranky, and just plain not in the mood?

This is where compromise comes in. Obviously when your partner isn't receptive it's time to wait. Don't force it, totally pathetic and unwanted. It's like dating, you know who is interested and who is not. The signals are usually pretty clear. Step back and be respectful. Wait for a better time. Sex is about both, not just one getting off.

Exactly

OK. How often does wife compromise and have sex when she doesn't really feel like it but know DH does? I'll wait. (And if your answer is "every single time" then you have issues and I feel sad that you're in such a sorry marriage.)

I don't know. What's fair when someone really doesn't want to do something but the other person does? Like going out on dates? What if the wife wants to go out weekly, but the DH would be happy with twice a year? How do we figure that out? He could probably go whenever she likes and do the bare minimum, not making any conversation, looking uncomfortable, asking if she's almost finished eating, pouting if she wants to order an appetizer. Or he could probably fake his way through one date a month, assuming she makes all the arrangements, sends little reminder texts throughout the day, chooses a place he likes to eat, doesn't try to make it last any longer than necessary. Or they could maybe both be adults and try to figure out a way to take an interest in what the other likes, whether it's going out or having sex, and communicate their likes and dislikes to try to make the experience better for both of them.

The one thing that definitely doesn't increase a person's libido is refusing all things sexual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all you couples who still want to have sex with each other, I am dying to know your secret.

- a DW who is over sex.

There is no secret! We've been married over 30 years, are best friends, still in love and we both have always enjoyed sex. I know my DH would like to have sex 2-3 times a week but he understands that for me it can be uncomfortable more than 1-2 times a week. We both take care of ourselves physically so the physical attraction is still there. We are both lucky that our parents had very happy marriages for over 60 years and it's something we'd like to achieve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all you couples who still want to have sex with each other, I am dying to know your secret.

- a DW who is over sex.

Why are you over sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all you couples who still want to have sex with each other, I am dying to know your secret.

- a DW who is over sex.

There is no secret! We've been married over 30 years, are best friends, still in love and we both have always enjoyed sex. I know my DH would like to have sex 2-3 times a week but he understands that for me it can be uncomfortable more than 1-2 times a week. We both take care of ourselves physically so the physical attraction is still there. We are both lucky that our parents had very happy marriages for over 60 years and it's something we'd like to achieve.

Gross. You know your parents were having sex for 60+ years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all you couples who still want to have sex with each other, I am dying to know your secret.

- a DW who is over sex.

Like everything compromise. A lot of us are over it like many things. You know like in-laws, steps, etc. but you go and put on a good face.
Think of it like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all you couples who still want to have sex with each other, I am dying to know your secret.

- a DW who is over sex.

Sex feels good. It helps me relieve stress, like a massage except I don't have to leave the house. It makes me feel close to DH. It makes DH happy. It helps me sleep. Did I mention how very good it feels?

Do you not orgasm? I don't get it. I know this isn't the explicit board, but orgasms are like ice cream for my soul. How can you not enjoy that?

- a DW who is so not over sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love when the sex-starved morons all post nonsensical responses. Of course, OP is tired and wants to rest. Give her a break!

p.s. There is a reason why no one wants to have sex with you. Your social skills are lacking.

+100000

The male trolls are such a bore. No guilting us and acting outraged will not make us want to have sex with you. Try the opposite