<vent> Why does DH always think we'll have sex when he comes back from business trips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him no and don't worry because he will have no difficulty finding willing partners for his sexual needs. Don't come back here in six months screaming about him having an extra marital affair. You are making a HUGE mistake and divorce is in your future.

And don't you come back here because your spouse caught you and your finances are in shambles.

Do you seriously think that financial concerns is sufficient motivation to remain (faithful) in a low sex marriage?
You must not have a normal sex drive, if you actually believe that.

Do you it's worth it to lose you spouse and kids over that? Divorce is also a big hit money wise. Ok so become single and date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don't want to have sex with somebody who doesn't want to. They want to have sex with somebody who does want them. Obviously. The problem is that she doesn't.

Right... so instead of trying to find ways to increase their wife's sexual attraction to them, or, better yet, accepting the shift in her libido, they are on here berating women and trying to scare women into boning their husbands.

Sure, that adds up.

I agree, and I'm the higher drive wife. My husband has a couple of chronic medical issues, including apnea, that have been found to decrease his testosterone. First he was in denial that his sex drive was lower than average; then he refused to satisfy me when he wasn't in the mood (!) After 5+ years of that, I told him that he could work to meet my needs, we could open the marriage or we could divorce. Surprisingly he chose to open the marriage. I would have thought he'd just man up, but he didn't. It's been almost 5 years, and I am discreet, and I am happy in other respects, so we are still married.

So trashy

I agree, but I think it's a guy that's constantly all over these boards complaining and talking about open marriages. Some really sad people plus kids involved which makes it worse. What a lousy home environment.

LOL think what you like, but I am definitely a woman.

Maybe so but very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him no and don't worry because he will have no difficulty finding willing partners for his sexual needs. Don't come back here in six months screaming about him having an extra marital affair. You are making a HUGE mistake and divorce is in your future.

And don't you come back here because your spouse caught you and your finances are in shambles.

Do you seriously think that financial concerns is sufficient motivation to remain (faithful) in a low sex marriage?
You must not have a normal sex drive, if you actually believe that.

Do you it's worth it to lose you spouse and kids over that? Divorce is also a big hit money wise. Ok so become single and date.

1) There is no "spouse" to lose when it's already low sex marriage. How do you not get that? You are already room mates. The intimacy is gone, there's nothing more to lose.

2) You can never LOSE your kids! Both parents get 50/50 custody.

3) There you go again, pretending that $$$$ can compensate for a low sex existence. The assets get split evenly: how is that a " big hit "?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him no and don't worry because he will have no difficulty finding willing partners for his sexual needs. Don't come back here in six months screaming about him having an extra marital affair. You are making a HUGE mistake and divorce is in your future.

And don't you come back here because your spouse caught you and your finances are in shambles.

Do you seriously think that financial concerns is sufficient motivation to remain (faithful) in a low sex marriage?
You must not have a normal sex drive, if you actually believe that.

Do you it's worth it to lose you spouse and kids over that? Divorce is also a big hit money wise. Ok so become single and date.

I am the DW PP who responded earlier. TBH, I did not sign up for a lifetime of misery. At this stage in life, a life without sex would be miserable. If my DH is unwilling[b] to satisfy my basic needs, then I am out. We can have joint custody and we can split the assets right down the middle. But I am not going to be with anyone who is telling me and showing me that my needs as a woman do not matter. I am not judging anyone who would stick it out, it is just not me. Marriage is supposed to improve your life, not make you feel like you are prison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him no and don't worry because he will have no difficulty finding willing partners for his sexual needs. Don't come back here in six months screaming about him having an extra marital affair. You are making a HUGE mistake and divorce is in your future.

And don't you come back here because your spouse caught you and your finances are in shambles.

Do you seriously think that financial concerns is sufficient motivation to remain (faithful) in a low sex marriage?
You must not have a normal sex drive, if you actually believe that.

Do you it's worth it to lose you spouse and kids over that? Divorce is also a big hit money wise. Ok so become single and date.

1) There is no "spouse" to lose when it's already low sex marriage. How do you not get that? You are already room mates. The intimacy is gone, there's nothing more to lose.

2) You can never LOSE your kids! Both parents get 50/50 custody.

3) There you go again, pretending that $$$$ can compensate for a low sex existence. The assets get split evenly: how is that a " big hit "?

That's weird. I recently heard a financial planner say that divorce was the biggest wealth killer. It's the divided by 2 formula.

You are married and legally however you want to spin it.

If there's nothing more to lose get divorced and find what you're looking for.

You just gave all the reasons why divorce wouldn't be a big deal...so start the ball rolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him no and don't worry because he will have no difficulty finding willing partners for his sexual needs. Don't come back here in six months screaming about him having an extra marital affair. You are making a HUGE mistake and divorce is in your future.

And don't you come back here because your spouse caught you and your finances are in shambles.

Do you seriously think that financial concerns is sufficient motivation to remain (faithful) in a low sex marriage?
You must not have a normal sex drive, if you actually believe that.

Do you it's worth it to lose you spouse and kids over that? Divorce is also a big hit money wise. Ok so become single and date.

I am the DW PP who responded earlier. TBH, I did not sign up for a lifetime of misery. At this stage in life, a life without sex would be miserable. If my DH is unwilling[b] to satisfy my basic needs, then I am out. We can have joint custody and we can split the assets right down the middle. But I am not going to be with anyone who is telling me and showing me that my needs as a woman do not matter. I am not judging anyone who would stick it out, it is just not me. Marriage is supposed to improve your life, not make you feel like you are prison.

I agree if you both can't compromise get divorced. Don't start sneaking around or risk your health.
Find a partner that suits you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess because he believes you are his loving wife who cares about him, misses him, wants to be with him, and that you too might have some tiny shred of sexual desire?

This is what me, OP's husband, and all husbands want to believe.

Then, reality hits. It took me years to finally realize the woman I married is no longer the same woman. I can empathize with her sacrifice, her exhaustion, her need for alone time. But no amount of rational thought redirects the obvious: my wife would rather do almost anything rather than re-connect sexually with me.

I am so super jealous of those married couples who still want to sleep with each other, and don't need perfect conditions to do so. How wonderful married life must be for them!

A lot of women have martyr syndrome which is encouraged by the media. They say everything falls on them but how many of them will willingly give up that control and micro-managing to take the pressure off? We see it here, wives totally breathing down the husband's neck about minute things. "He doesn't put the socks in the drawer correctly, why does everything fall on me?!!" Yeesh. Back off and enjoy life more, ladies.

- a happy married DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him no and don't worry because he will have no difficulty finding willing partners for his sexual needs. Don't come back here in six months screaming about him having an extra marital affair. You are making a HUGE mistake and divorce is in your future.

And don't you come back here because your spouse caught you and your finances are in shambles.

Do you seriously think that financial concerns is sufficient motivation to remain (faithful) in a low sex marriage?
You must not have a normal sex drive, if you actually believe that.

Do you it's worth it to lose you spouse and kids over that? Divorce is also a big hit money wise. Ok so become single and date.

1) There is no "spouse" to lose when it's already low sex marriage. How do you not get that? You are already room mates. The intimacy is gone, there's nothing more to lose.

2) You can never LOSE your kids! Both parents get 50/50 custody.

3) There you go again, pretending that $$$$ can compensate for a low sex existence. The assets get split evenly: how is that a " big hit "?

Losing your kids 50% of the time is painful.

Is that worse than remaining in a marriage with someone who is cold and unaffectionate, and denies you sex? Only you can make that call...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him no and don't worry because he will have no difficulty finding willing partners for his sexual needs. Don't come back here in six months screaming about him having an extra marital affair. You are making a HUGE mistake and divorce is in your future.

And don't you come back here because your spouse caught you and your finances are in shambles.

Do you seriously think that financial concerns is sufficient motivation to remain (faithful) in a low sex marriage?
You must not have a normal sex drive, if you actually believe that.

Do you it's worth it to lose you spouse and kids over that? Divorce is also a big hit money wise. Ok so become single and date.

1) There is no "spouse" to lose when it's already low sex marriage. How do you not get that? You are already room mates. The intimacy is gone, there's nothing more to lose.

2) You can never LOSE your kids! Both parents get 50/50 custody.

3) There you go again, pretending that $$$$ can compensate for a low sex existence. The assets get split evenly: how is that a " big hit "?

Losing your kids 50% of the time is painful.

Is that worse than remaining in a marriage with someone who is cold and unaffectionate, and denies you sex? Only you can make that call...

Exactly. Would I stay in a marriage with a cheater. If my finances depended on it, but I wouldn't care what happened to them. My life would focus around my kids and other things. If I was in a good financial position I would leave them in the dust. On the other hand, maybe the spouse knows he cheated and why she rarely sleeps with him. Or she suspects. Most women imo check up on their husbands from time to time. A woman's nature. I will bet she knows him pretty well.

[Anonymous]

This thread got my husband laid at 3:00pm (he was working from home this afternoon) for no reason other than I don't want to end up like half the people on DCUM. Oh and I'm in my third trimester with 3 other kids to take care of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him no and don't worry because he will have no difficulty finding willing partners for his sexual needs. Don't come back here in six months screaming about him having an extra marital affair. You are making a HUGE mistake and divorce is in your future.

And don't you come back here because your spouse caught you and your finances are in shambles.

Do you seriously think that financial concerns is sufficient motivation to remain (faithful) in a low sex marriage?
You must not have a normal sex drive, if you actually believe that.

Do you it's worth it to lose you spouse and kids over that? Divorce is also a big hit money wise. Ok so become single and date.

1) There is no "spouse" to lose when it's already low sex marriage. How do you not get that? You are already room mates. The intimacy is gone, there's nothing more to lose.

2) You can never LOSE your kids! Both parents get 50/50 custody.

3) There you go again, pretending that $$$$ can compensate for a low sex existence. The assets get split evenly: how is that a " big hit "?

Losing your kids 50% of the time is painful.

Is that worse than remaining in a marriage with someone who is cold and unaffectionate, and denies you sex? Only you can make that call...

I wasn't advocating divorce. I advised to choose an Open Marriage. That way, nobody "loses the kids". I don't know why an open marriage is such a big deal. If sex isn't important enough to have it regularly, why would you care if your spouse does that "unimportant thing" with somebody else?

If the sexless spouse can't handle this solution, let THEM decide if THEY want to lose the kids and mess up their finances with a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread got my husband laid at 3:00pm (he was working from home this afternoon) for no reason other than I don't want to end up like half the people on DCUM. Oh and I'm in my third trimester with 3 other kids to take care of.

Yeah right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him no and don't worry because he will have no difficulty finding willing partners for his sexual needs. Don't come back here in six months screaming about him having an extra marital affair. You are making a HUGE mistake and divorce is in your future.

And don't you come back here because your spouse caught you and your finances are in shambles.

Do you seriously think that financial concerns is sufficient motivation to remain (faithful) in a low sex marriage?
You must not have a normal sex drive, if you actually believe that.

Do you it's worth it to lose you spouse and kids over that? Divorce is also a big hit money wise. Ok so become single and date.

1) There is no "spouse" to lose when it's already low sex marriage. How do you not get that? You are already room mates. The intimacy is gone, there's nothing more to lose.

2) You can never LOSE your kids! Both parents get 50/50 custody.

3) There you go again, pretending that $$$$ can compensate for a low sex existence. The assets get split evenly: how is that a " big hit "?

Losing your kids 50% of the time is painful.

Is that worse than remaining in a marriage with someone who is cold and unaffectionate, and denies you sex? Only you can make that call...

I wasn't advocating divorce. I advised to choose an Open Marriage. That way, nobody "loses the kids". I don't know why an open marriage is such a big deal. If sex isn't important enough to have it regularly, why would you care if your spouse does that "unimportant thing" with somebody else?

If the sexless spouse can't handle this solution, let THEM decide if THEY want to lose the kids and mess up their finances with a divorce.

You're a lot of talk.

Did you ask your spouse???????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:14 pages of comments and really it's this simple:

It doesn't really matter if OP needs a moment when her husband gets home, as long as she makes sex a priority later (whether later is in an hour or the next day). If you make your sex life a priority, timing isn't relevant. If sex is an item on your to-do list, your marriage is lacking. If that item doesn't get done, your marriage is done (barring health reasons or other real obstacles).

So OP - if today you knocked your husband's socks off, you are doing it right.

Note: If you partner want to make it a priority later (after a nap and you spend time with your kids) you don't get to mark this down in your little black book of reasons why you want to cheat on your partner in the category of "being turned down for sex".

+1000 The men (or babies) on this board would do just that.