Low-sex marriages - why does this happen?
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Anonymous
That's because it is far more acceptable for men to complain about the lack of sex from wives than for wives to complain about lack of quality sex from husbands. |
Anonymous
With conservative culture guys, what often works is just doing, without saying much. Snuggle up in bed and ask him to hold you, like spooning. Tell him you want him and start stroking yourself. Wrap his arms around you. I've never seen this fail. |
Anonymous
| I see a lot of women here finding excuses to not have sex with their husbands and then wondering why their husbands aren't that into them anymore. We get it you're tired, but we need to have sex regularly. If we don't get it from you then we start looking around for where we can (I'm not justifying it). Withholding sex is the best way to ruin your marriage (and yes I realize that it goes both ways) |
Anonymous
What are you doing to deliver high-quality sex? Do you see sex something you "get" or something you have an obligation to deliver? |
Anonymous
High quality sex isn't something that's "delivered." It's something a woman inspires or she doesn't. |
Anonymous
I wish. Maybe skip the husband. |
Anonymous
No. He won't give me oral and no mutual m. |
Anonymous
Not really. Some men are better at oral than others, some aren't good in at at all. Some men share your kinks and some do not. A low-skilled lover doesn't become high-skilled just because of inspiration. And if a woman doesn't inspire you to deliver high-quality sex, then I don't see how you can blame her for lack of enthusiasm for that pastime. |
Anonymous
That's very unfortunate. My only suggestion is to try to start having open, honest, non-angry conversations about how you're unhappy sexually and how the two of you can work together to improve things. If that can't/won't happen, start couples counseling. If you've explicitly said you would like X and Y and he won't do it (within reason), he sounds like a selfish ass and a terrible lover. fwiw- I'd be happy to give oral while using toys on you (with no recip expected) every day. |
Anonymous
Just wanted to say thank you for this. I appreciate it. One stranger to another. And we had our first counseling session today. |
Anonymous
| For me, I haven't been interested in sex since the baby was born, but that's not the only thing at play. I've recently (since baby was born) come to terms with my history of childhood sexual abuse, and feel at a loss when it comes to expressing my sexuality in a healthy, open way. I feel like my DH is very stiff and uncreative in bed, also. Furthermore, I feel a lot of anger and resentment toward my husband: he's very critical and quick to anger, and neither of those traits gets me wet. Finally, he does almost nothing around the house, and I'm tired of playing maid. |
Anonymous
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To answer your question OP, this happens because of how differently men and women are wired, and because of what marriage is really about.
1. Marriage is really society's way of giving a family legal identity, more than anything to do with sex and intimacy. In Western societies you no longer have to get married to have sex, so marriage, particularly this side of the world, was not designed to guarantee hot, steamy sexual fulfillment forever. Only very few couples get this as a bonus. 2. Women are naturally wired with a biological clock, just like other mammals. They naturally want to find a suitable mate during their most productive and fertile years. So between 20-40, there is a rush to find a mate, especially within the stability of a marriage. However, as soon as this happens, then their priorities and bodies will naturally place premium on the new members of the family and not the mate who helped fertilize them into being. Western legal systems are then designed to trap the man into staying or take the financial hit, to guarantee women this stability and security. Typical mammalian behavior, except that sub-human females do not have laws that govern family life, but humans do. 3. Men are wired to always be ready and able to mate as there is no direct inverse relationship between age and fertility for them. Virility declines, but not fertility between the given ages of 20-40 years, or even beyond. With that being the case, we can conclude that monogamy is unnatural; that monogamous matrimony is a flawed concept; or that you accept what marriage is and what it isn't. Hope I have answered your question OP. |
Anonymous
| To judge from this thread, husbands (men who are presumably a sexually known quantity at the time of marriage) mysteriously become less skillful in bed after a long period of marriage and, in particular, after kids. Sounds like the "skill in bed" complaint is a way of shifting the blame for women's disinterest in monogamy. |
Anonymous
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NP, in my case we are early 30s both WOH with 2yr old DD. My DW has low sex drive and resentment builtup from us still living in our starter home (Arlington) despite having good incomes and home equity $500K. I do my fair share and more with DD. Not because I want more sex cause I actual like cleaning boogers, feedings, diaper changes, cleanup around the house,etc.
As PP, who was tracking sex; I do as well. My DW asked how many times did we have sex last month I said "Honestly it's not worth mentioning". I now truely resent my DW and when we do have sex I don't feel the connection we once had. I am definitely enroute to having an affair and getting into the best shape of my life. Sorry counseling isn't going to work but I need to stick around for DD. |
Anonymous
| You are planning to have an affair and won't try counseling? You are ridiculous. |