Feeling left behind —— BF isn’t committing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Don’t live with someone you aren’t engaged to.

Absolutely live with someone before deciding to spend your life with them.

100%

[Anonymous]

Why do you want to marry when you've not lived together for even a half year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m new here so please be kind.
I’m 26, and all my friends from high school and college are getting engaged and married. I’m currently overseas for a wedding of a close friend.

I can’t help but feel some jealousy, not maliciously, as my boyfriend of 3.5 years, who is 34, claims it's too early in our relationship and we should wait a few more years. However, I feel that 3.5 years is plenty of time, and I think he's avoiding any commitment despite saying that he does, leaving me worried about when he’ll want to get engaged.

My boyfriend earns a great salary, and we live together. He is genuinely the best partner I've ever had, and I believe he would be an excellent husband and father, and I thought I’d be married by now because I want at least 5 or 6 babies so I can’t wait much longer and am unsure what’s taking his so long.

I don’t want to leave and restart.
How much longer should I wait?

What should I do?

May be he is afraid of your 5-6 baby dream and trying to bring it down to 1-2 by marrying late? At 34 a 3.5 year long relationship is certainly long enough to put a ring on it.

The OP isn't 34.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't ask about his dating. What had you done relationship wise before you met him? He may be your best partner so far but what's the metric you use?

You work but your parents give you and siblings money too?

Are you and boyfriend from same background culturally ?

OP here with some additional info.

In terms of what metric I’m using to compare him, I can say they he stands out as partner in positive ways compared to what I’ve observed from people I’m around— friends, coworkers, and even multiple ex’s. To give context, one was a few years older and established and I was in like my junior year of high, while the others were same age, and I did go on many dates with more mature but not too much older of men, so I’m not just comparing him to young immature college ex’s. He still is one guy that stands out to me the most.
I don’t think I’m being naive of unrealistic and don’t know what I want. He had everything I’d want in a husband: easygoing, responsible, kind, faithful, intelligent, mature, etc. We get along really well and rarely, if ever, argue or fight. When we do have conflict, we handle it well.

As for money, I don’t depend on my parents. They’re generous, and they don’t give me money because I need it. All four of my siblings are married to working spouses, have solid careers, and three of them have kids. My parents also help pay their kids’ school expenses & a few other costs, not because any of them asked, but as a form of extra support, as a favor. I don’t rely on them for financial support, and I’m not dependent on them.

My boyfriend and I are both white, but I’m third-generation French, while my boyfriend doesn’t have any recent immigration history— his ancestry is German.

When it comes to me moving in together, well, we did talk last night (about marriage for the first time in a little while), and what he said really surprised me. He mentioned that he had planned for us to move in together, live together, and then get engaged—not long after (spring or summer of 2026)—with the goal of being married by 2027.

He has said that he wants marriage a few years down the line, but I didn’t think he was planning an engagement so soon. Honestly, I’m feeling a lot of different emotions right now and need some time to process everything and need a moment to pause and think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he's a rich guy who tries to date younger women, and not settle.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want to marry when you've not lived together for even a half year?

Kids.

She was probably ready to marry him within 18 months of knowing him.

[Anonymous]

As for money, I don’t depend on my parents.

What do you do for money? How would you financially support children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't ask about his dating. What had you done relationship wise before you met him? He may be your best partner so far but what's the metric you use?

You work but your parents give you and siblings money too?

Are you and boyfriend from same background culturally ?

OP here with some additional info.

In terms of what metric I’m using to compare him, I can say they he stands out as partner in positive ways compared to what I’ve observed from people I’m around— friends, coworkers, and even multiple ex’s. To give context, one was a few years older and established and I was in like my junior year of high, while the others were same age, and I did go on many dates with more mature but not too much older of men, so I’m not just comparing him to young immature college ex’s. He still is one guy that stands out to me the most.
I don’t think I’m being naive of unrealistic and don’t know what I want. He had everything I’d want in a husband: easygoing, responsible, kind, faithful, intelligent, mature, etc. We get along really well and rarely, if ever, argue or fight. When we do have conflict, we handle it well.

As for money, I don’t depend on my parents. They’re generous, and they don’t give me money because I need it. All four of my siblings are married to working spouses, have solid careers, and three of them have kids. My parents also help pay their kids’ school expenses & a few other costs, not because any of them asked, but as a form of extra support, as a favor. I don’t rely on them for financial support, and I’m not dependent on them.

My boyfriend and I are both white, but I’m third-generation French, while my boyfriend doesn’t have any recent immigration history— his ancestry is German.

When it comes to me moving in together, well, we did talk last night (about marriage for the first time in a little while), and what he said really surprised me. He mentioned that he had planned for us to move in together, live together, and then get engaged—not long after (spring or summer of 2026)—with the goal of being married by 2027.

He has said that he wants marriage a few years down the line, but I didn’t think he was planning an engagement so soon. Honestly, I’m feeling a lot of different emotions right now and need some time to process everything and need a moment to pause and think.

Yes, living together is a test period to make sure you're not crazy. So far you're failing.

Also, if he is self-made, rather than coming from money as you seem to, then the "extra support" you get from your parents is probably extremely off-putting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

As for money, I don’t depend on my parents.

What do you do for money? How would you financially support children?

She seems to be a trust-fund kid. And she's looking for a husband that can support her and her litter of kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't ask about his dating. What had you done relationship wise before you met him? He may be your best partner so far but what's the metric you use?

You work but your parents give you and siblings money too?

Are you and boyfriend from same background culturally ?

OP here with some additional info.

In terms of what metric I’m using to compare him, I can say they he stands out as partner in positive ways compared to what I’ve observed from people I’m around— friends, coworkers, and even multiple ex’s. To give context, one was a few years older and established and I was in like my junior year of high, while the others were same age, and I did go on many dates with more mature but not too much older of men, so I’m not just comparing him to young immature college ex’s. He still is one guy that stands out to me the most.
I don’t think I’m being naive of unrealistic and don’t know what I want. He had everything I’d want in a husband: easygoing, responsible, kind, faithful, intelligent, mature, etc. We get along really well and rarely, if ever, argue or fight. When we do have conflict, we handle it well.

As for money, I don’t depend on my parents. They’re generous, and they don’t give me money because I need it. All four of my siblings are married to working spouses, have solid careers, and three of them have kids. My parents also help pay their kids’ school expenses & a few other costs, not because any of them asked, but as a form of extra support, as a favor. I don’t rely on them for financial support, and I’m not dependent on them.

My boyfriend and I are both white, but I’m third-generation French, while my boyfriend doesn’t have any recent immigration history— his ancestry is German.

When it comes to me moving in together, well, we did talk last night (about marriage for the first time in a little while), and what he said really surprised me. He mentioned that he had planned for us to move in together, live together, and then get engaged—not long after (spring or summer of 2026)—with the goal of being married by 2027.

He has said that he wants marriage a few years down the line, but I didn’t think he was planning an engagement so soon. Honestly, I’m feeling a lot of different emotions right now and need some time to process everything and need a moment to pause and think.

So he gave you a timeline. That’s much better in my opinion. If you two start actively planning the wedding within a few months of getting engaged, I’d feel comfortable. I would expect him to contribute financially to the wedding. Things like buying a ring, or putting a down payment on a venue would show that he’s serious. So would sending save the dates. I would not tolerate postponing the wedding unless a parent or sibling died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't ask about his dating. What had you done relationship wise before you met him? He may be your best partner so far but what's the metric you use?

You work but your parents give you and siblings money too?

Are you and boyfriend from same background culturally ?

OP here with some additional info.

In terms of what metric I’m using to compare him, I can say they he stands out as partner in positive ways compared to what I’ve observed from people I’m around— friends, coworkers, and even multiple ex’s. To give context, one was a few years older and established and I was in like my junior year of high, while the others were same age, and I did go on many dates with more mature but not too much older of men, so I’m not just comparing him to young immature college ex’s. He still is one guy that stands out to me the most.
I don’t think I’m being naive of unrealistic and don’t know what I want. He had everything I’d want in a husband: easygoing, responsible, kind, faithful, intelligent, mature, etc. We get along really well and rarely, if ever, argue or fight. When we do have conflict, we handle it well.

As for money, I don’t depend on my parents. They’re generous, and they don’t give me money because I need it. All four of my siblings are married to working spouses, have solid careers, and three of them have kids. My parents also help pay their kids’ school expenses & a few other costs, not because any of them asked, but as a form of extra support, as a favor. I don’t rely on them for financial support, and I’m not dependent on them.

My boyfriend and I are both white, but I’m third-generation French, while my boyfriend doesn’t have any recent immigration history— his ancestry is German.

When it comes to me moving in together, well, we did talk last night (about marriage for the first time in a little while), and what he said really surprised me. He mentioned that he had planned for us to move in together, live together, and then get engaged—not long after (spring or summer of 2026)—with the goal of being married by 2027.

He has said that he wants marriage a few years down the line, but I didn’t think he was planning an engagement so soon. Honestly, I’m feeling a lot of different emotions right now and need some time to process everything and need a moment to pause and think.

Earlier I said you only seem to list a checklist for why he would make a good husband and that you just think “it’s time.”

But not once in your thread have I seen you say anything remotely like you love him, you cherish him, he excites you, or anything even remotely emotional that indicates a connection.

Instead, every comment seems almost coldly calculated, down to the comparisons to other men you aren’t even intimate with. You appear to regard him almost entirely in terms of what does he have to give that you want. It seems almost transactional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't ask about his dating. What had you done relationship wise before you met him? He may be your best partner so far but what's the metric you use?

You work but your parents give you and siblings money too?

Are you and boyfriend from same background culturally ?

OP here with some additional info.

In terms of what metric I’m using to compare him, I can say they he stands out as partner in positive ways compared to what I’ve observed from people I’m around— friends, coworkers, and even multiple ex’s. To give context, one was a few years older and established and I was in like my junior year of high, while the others were same age, and I did go on many dates with more mature but not too much older of men, so I’m not just comparing him to young immature college ex’s. He still is one guy that stands out to me the most.
I don’t think I’m being naive of unrealistic and don’t know what I want. He had everything I’d want in a husband: easygoing, responsible, kind, faithful, intelligent, mature, etc. We get along really well and rarely, if ever, argue or fight. When we do have conflict, we handle it well.

As for money, I don’t depend on my parents. They’re generous, and they don’t give me money because I need it. All four of my siblings are married to working spouses, have solid careers, and three of them have kids. My parents also help pay their kids’ school expenses & a few other costs, not because any of them asked, but as a form of extra support, as a favor. I don’t rely on them for financial support, and I’m not dependent on them.

My boyfriend and I are both white, but I’m third-generation French, while my boyfriend doesn’t have any recent immigration history— his ancestry is German.

When it comes to me moving in together, well, we did talk last night (about marriage for the first time in a little while), and what he said really surprised me. He mentioned that he had planned for us to move in together, live together, and then get engaged—not long after (spring or summer of 2026)—with the goal of being married by 2027.

He has said that he wants marriage a few years down the line, but I didn’t think he was planning an engagement so soon. Honestly, I’m feeling a lot of different emotions right now and need some time to process everything and need a moment to pause and think.

Earlier I said you only seem to list a checklist for why he would make a good husband and that you just think “it’s time.”

But not once in your thread have I seen you say anything remotely like you love him, you cherish him, he excites you, or anything even remotely emotional that indicates a connection.

Instead, every comment seems almost coldly calculated, down to the comparisons to other men you aren’t even intimate with. You appear to regard him almost entirely in terms of what does he have to give that you want. It seems almost transactional.

Almost? That's obviously exactly what's going on here. Her clock is ticking and she wants his money and sperm.

[Anonymous]

If any financially stable man older than 30 isn't proposing after two years of relationship, one of it living together, I would question their level of commitment. If they weren't serious, they shouldn't habve roped anyone in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't ask about his dating. What had you done relationship wise before you met him? He may be your best partner so far but what's the metric you use?

You work but your parents give you and siblings money too?

Are you and boyfriend from same background culturally ?

OP here with some additional info.

In terms of what metric I’m using to compare him, I can say they he stands out as partner in positive ways compared to what I’ve observed from people I’m around— friends, coworkers, and even multiple ex’s. To give context, one was a few years older and established and I was in like my junior year of high, while the others were same age, and I did go on many dates with more mature but not too much older of men, so I’m not just comparing him to young immature college ex’s. He still is one guy that stands out to me the most.
I don’t think I’m being naive of unrealistic and don’t know what I want. He had everything I’d want in a husband: easygoing, responsible, kind, faithful, intelligent, mature, etc. We get along really well and rarely, if ever, argue or fight. When we do have conflict, we handle it well.

As for money, I don’t depend on my parents. They’re generous, and they don’t give me money because I need it. All four of my siblings are married to working spouses, have solid careers, and three of them have kids. My parents also help pay their kids’ school expenses & a few other costs, not because any of them asked, but as a form of extra support, as a favor. I don’t rely on them for financial support, and I’m not dependent on them.

My boyfriend and I are both white, but I’m third-generation French, while my boyfriend doesn’t have any recent immigration history— his ancestry is German.

When it comes to me moving in together, well, we did talk last night (about marriage for the first time in a little while), and what he said really surprised me. He mentioned that he had planned for us to move in together, live together, and then get engaged—not long after (spring or summer of 2026)—with the goal of being married by 2027.

He has said that he wants marriage a few years down the line, but I didn’t think he was planning an engagement so soon. Honestly, I’m feeling a lot of different emotions right now and need some time to process everything and need a moment to pause and think.

Earlier I said you only seem to list a checklist for why he would make a good husband and that you just think “it’s time.”

But not once in your thread have I seen you say anything remotely like you love him, you cherish him, he excites you, or anything even remotely emotional that indicates a connection.

Instead, every comment seems almost coldly calculated, down to the comparisons to other men you aren’t even intimate with. You appear to regard him almost entirely in terms of what does he have to give that you want. It seems almost transactional.

Almost? That's obviously exactly what's going on here. Her clock is ticking and she wants his money and sperm.

You sound like an angry person who needs to work through their personal issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't ask about his dating. What had you done relationship wise before you met him? He may be your best partner so far but what's the metric you use?

You work but your parents give you and siblings money too?

Are you and boyfriend from same background culturally ?

OP here with some additional info.

In terms of what metric I’m using to compare him, I can say they he stands out as partner in positive ways compared to what I’ve observed from people I’m around— friends, coworkers, and even multiple ex’s. To give context, one was a few years older and established and I was in like my junior year of high, while the others were same age, and I did go on many dates with more mature but not too much older of men, so I’m not just comparing him to young immature college ex’s. He still is one guy that stands out to me the most.
I don’t think I’m being naive of unrealistic and don’t know what I want. He had everything I’d want in a husband: easygoing, responsible, kind, faithful, intelligent, mature, etc. We get along really well and rarely, if ever, argue or fight. When we do have conflict, we handle it well.

As for money, I don’t depend on my parents. They’re generous, and they don’t give me money because I need it. All four of my siblings are married to working spouses, have solid careers, and three of them have kids. My parents also help pay their kids’ school expenses & a few other costs, not because any of them asked, but as a form of extra support, as a favor. I don’t rely on them for financial support, and I’m not dependent on them.

My boyfriend and I are both white, but I’m third-generation French, while my boyfriend doesn’t have any recent immigration history— his ancestry is German.

When it comes to me moving in together, well, we did talk last night (about marriage for the first time in a little while), and what he said really surprised me. He mentioned that he had planned for us to move in together, live together, and then get engaged—not long after (spring or summer of 2026)—with the goal of being married by 2027.

He has said that he wants marriage a few years down the line, but I didn’t think he was planning an engagement so soon. Honestly, I’m feeling a lot of different emotions right now and need some time to process everything and need a moment to pause and think.

Earlier I said you only seem to list a checklist for why he would make a good husband and that you just think “it’s time.”

But not once in your thread have I seen you say anything remotely like you love him, you cherish him, he excites you, or anything even remotely emotional that indicates a connection.

Instead, every comment seems almost coldly calculated, down to the comparisons to other men you aren’t even intimate with. You appear to regard him almost entirely in terms of what does he have to give that you want. It seems almost transactional.

Almost? That's obviously exactly what's going on here. Her clock is ticking and she wants his money and sperm.

She is being honest and practical with her priorities and so is him with his priorities and timeline. Neither seems to be in love.