Feeling left behind —— BF isn’t committing

[Anonymous]

He could lose his job.
You could have a disabled child.
If you find socializing draining now, just wait til you have kids!
He will resent you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's lots of bad advice in this thread, probably from old, divorced women who got married too young.

At 26, you're too young. And 3 years is just started to get close to the length of time past the honeymoon period of the relationship to even begin to see if you're compatible long-term.

Are there guys out there willing to get married sooner? Yes, they're called future ex-husbands. Or Mormons.

I'm happily married and now 40. Got married at 27. Not Mormon, or Evangelical, or Muslim, or any other religion that pushes teen marriage.

I think if your mid-30s boyfriend of 3.5 years is telling you he wants to wait more YEARS to get engaged, he doesn't think you're his future wife. He doesn't feel lucky to have you, he's not worried about losing you. Time to move on.

You're older. Younger people want to make sure a future spouse isn't going to go crazy before getting married. 3 months of partially living together isn't enough time for that.

They’ve been dating more than long enough. And my age is not relevant. These things haven’t changed since 2012.

They absolutely have, particularly in people trying to establish careers.

And no, obviously three years isn't enough. Just look at his last relationship failing after 5 years. They haven't been living together very long, either, which means they don't know how their dynamics will change yet.

And the op is 26 and still living off her parents. She's still maturing, which will certainly change things. Maybe for the better, maybe worse. But that's the problem- there's no way to know yet.

A relationship failing after 5 years only proves he’s a time-waster. He didn’t want to marry his ex either.

And of course no, things have not changed for young professionals since 2012 and you’re grasping at straws to suggest that’s relevant.

I can't tell if you think you're being helpful or are intentionally trying to sabotage the OP. But anyone still being supported by their parents is still a kid. And you don't marry kids.

Then she should break up with the creep dating a kid. I mean really, where does this logic lead? Ultimately you’re agreeing she’s spending her time on someone who isn’t taking her seriously, I guess in the hope he will view her differently later. Well that is a very long shot. He sees her the way he sees her.

OP, you're not going to get trustworthy advice here. Find some similarly-aged men and women you trust and ask them. They're naturally going to provide sympathy. But be clear that you intend to leave your SO and see how they respond to that. And be sure they understand where you are in life right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's lots of bad advice in this thread, probably from old, divorced women who got married too young.

At 26, you're too young. And 3 years is just started to get close to the length of time past the honeymoon period of the relationship to even begin to see if you're compatible long-term.

Are there guys out there willing to get married sooner? Yes, they're called future ex-husbands. Or Mormons.

I'm happily married and now 40. Got married at 27. Not Mormon, or Evangelical, or Muslim, or any other religion that pushes teen marriage.

I think if your mid-30s boyfriend of 3.5 years is telling you he wants to wait more YEARS to get engaged, he doesn't think you're his future wife. He doesn't feel lucky to have you, he's not worried about losing you. Time to move on.

You're older. Younger people want to make sure a future spouse isn't going to go crazy before getting married. 3 months of partially living together isn't enough time for that.

They’ve been dating more than long enough. And my age is not relevant. These things haven’t changed since 2012.

They absolutely have, particularly in people trying to establish careers.

And no, obviously three years isn't enough. Just look at his last relationship failing after 5 years. They haven't been living together very long, either, which means they don't know how their dynamics will change yet.

And the op is 26 and still living off her parents. She's still maturing, which will certainly change things. Maybe for the better, maybe worse. But that's the problem- there's no way to know yet.

A relationship failing after 5 years only proves he’s a time-waster. He didn’t want to marry his ex either.

And of course no, things have not changed for young professionals since 2012 and you’re grasping at straws to suggest that’s relevant.

I can't tell if you think you're being helpful or are intentionally trying to sabotage the OP. But anyone still being supported by their parents is still a kid. And you don't marry kids.

Then she should break up with the creep dating a kid. I mean really, where does this logic lead? Ultimately you’re agreeing she’s spending her time on someone who isn’t taking her seriously, I guess in the hope he will view her differently later. Well that is a very long shot. He sees her the way he sees her.

OP, you're not going to get trustworthy advice here. Find some similarly-aged men and women you trust and ask them. They're naturally going to provide sympathy. But be clear that you intend to leave your SO and see how they respond to that. And be sure they understand where you are in life right now.

Ah yes you are coming in with the “trustworthy advice” to let her boyfriend waste however much time he feels like since OP isn’t worthy of being taken seriously since she’s young and still being supported by her parents. With friends like you who needs enemies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's lots of bad advice in this thread, probably from old, divorced women who got married too young.

At 26, you're too young. And 3 years is just started to get close to the length of time past the honeymoon period of the relationship to even begin to see if you're compatible long-term.

Are there guys out there willing to get married sooner? Yes, they're called future ex-husbands. Or Mormons.

I'm happily married and now 40. Got married at 27. Not Mormon, or Evangelical, or Muslim, or any other religion that pushes teen marriage.

I think if your mid-30s boyfriend of 3.5 years is telling you he wants to wait more YEARS to get engaged, he doesn't think you're his future wife. He doesn't feel lucky to have you, he's not worried about losing you. Time to move on.

You're older. Younger people want to make sure a future spouse isn't going to go crazy before getting married. 3 months of partially living together isn't enough time for that.

They’ve been dating more than long enough. And my age is not relevant. These things haven’t changed since 2012.

They absolutely have, particularly in people trying to establish careers.

And no, obviously three years isn't enough. Just look at his last relationship failing after 5 years. They haven't been living together very long, either, which means they don't know how their dynamics will change yet.

And the op is 26 and still living off her parents. She's still maturing, which will certainly change things. Maybe for the better, maybe worse. But that's the problem- there's no way to know yet.

A relationship failing after 5 years only proves he’s a time-waster. He didn’t want to marry his ex either.

And of course no, things have not changed for young professionals since 2012 and you’re grasping at straws to suggest that’s relevant.

I can't tell if you think you're being helpful or are intentionally trying to sabotage the OP. But anyone still being supported by their parents is still a kid. And you don't marry kids.

Then she should break up with the creep dating a kid. I mean really, where does this logic lead? Ultimately you’re agreeing she’s spending her time on someone who isn’t taking her seriously, I guess in the hope he will view her differently later. Well that is a very long shot. He sees her the way he sees her.

OP, you're not going to get trustworthy advice here. Find some similarly-aged men and women you trust and ask them. They're naturally going to provide sympathy. But be clear that you intend to leave your SO and see how they respond to that. And be sure they understand where you are in life right now.

Ah yes you are coming in with the “trustworthy advice” to let her boyfriend waste however much time he feels like since OP isn’t worthy of being taken seriously since she’s young and still being supported by her parents. With friends like you who needs enemies!

You're a sociopath. Your hatred of men isn't going to make things better for the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimatum time! Give him 3 months and then leave. In their mid 30s, guys propose quick, so 3.5 years is more than enough.

If a guy proposes quickly, you should be skeptical.

My dh did this and we are happily married for 31 years

[Anonymous]

3.5 years and he can't figure it out yet? And he is 34. Time to get a ring or time to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn’t know after 3.5 years, he’s just not that into you and you should move on. I speak from experience. If you choose to waste any more time, that’s on you.

This.

Move out and get some therapy, OP. Figure out why you wasted so much time on this guy and even moved in. Fix your picker and don’t date for at least 6-12 months, be on your own.

Work on your career, supporting a large family is expensive.

This guy isn’t that into you and doesn’t share your goals. Why are you clinging to this relationship? What were things like with your dad growing up? Are you recreating some old pattern?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimatum time! Give him 3 months and then leave. In their mid 30s, guys propose quick, so 3.5 years is more than enough.

If a guy proposes quickly, you should be skeptical.

My dh did this and we are happily married for 31 years

OP isn't elderly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's lots of bad advice in this thread, probably from old, divorced women who got married too young.

At 26, you're too young. And 3 years is just started to get close to the length of time past the honeymoon period of the relationship to even begin to see if you're compatible long-term.

Are there guys out there willing to get married sooner? Yes, they're called future ex-husbands. Or Mormons.

I'm happily married and now 40. Got married at 27. Not Mormon, or Evangelical, or Muslim, or any other religion that pushes teen marriage.

I think if your mid-30s boyfriend of 3.5 years is telling you he wants to wait more YEARS to get engaged, he doesn't think you're his future wife. He doesn't feel lucky to have you, he's not worried about losing you. Time to move on.

You're older. Younger people want to make sure a future spouse isn't going to go crazy before getting married. 3 months of partially living together isn't enough time for that.

They’ve been dating more than long enough. And my age is not relevant. These things haven’t changed since 2012.

They absolutely have, particularly in people trying to establish careers.

And no, obviously three years isn't enough. Just look at his last relationship failing after 5 years. They haven't been living together very long, either, which means they don't know how their dynamics will change yet.

And the op is 26 and still living off her parents. She's still maturing, which will certainly change things. Maybe for the better, maybe worse. But that's the problem- there's no way to know yet.

A relationship failing after 5 years only proves he’s a time-waster. He didn’t want to marry his ex either.

And of course no, things have not changed for young professionals since 2012 and you’re grasping at straws to suggest that’s relevant.

I can't tell if you think you're being helpful or are intentionally trying to sabotage the OP. But anyone still being supported by their parents is still a kid. And you don't marry kids.

Then she should break up with the creep dating a kid. I mean really, where does this logic lead? Ultimately you’re agreeing she’s spending her time on someone who isn’t taking her seriously, I guess in the hope he will view her differently later. Well that is a very long shot. He sees her the way he sees her.

OP, you're not going to get trustworthy advice here. Find some similarly-aged men and women you trust and ask them. They're naturally going to provide sympathy. But be clear that you intend to leave your SO and see how they respond to that. And be sure they understand where you are in life right now.

Ah yes you are coming in with the “trustworthy advice” to let her boyfriend waste however much time he feels like since OP isn’t worthy of being taken seriously since she’s young and still being supported by her parents. With friends like you who needs enemies!

You're a sociopath. Your hatred of men isn't going to make things better for the OP.

Projection. You want OP to stay with a man who doesn’t take her seriously because you also do not. Pretty sociopathic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn’t know after 3.5 years, he’s just not that into you and you should move on. I speak from experience. If you choose to waste any more time, that’s on you.

m


This. He’s not marriageable mater if he doesn’t know after 3.5 years. wake up! Move on!

[Anonymous]

Move on OP. At 26 don't spend more than a year or so dating before expecting a serious commitment.

This 34 year old is going to keep you hanging on for years. Time to dump him and move on. If he doesn't know after 3 years at his age, he's not going to marry you. No reason to waste your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn’t know after 3.5 years, he’s just not that into you and you should move on. I speak from experience. If you choose to waste any more time, that’s on you.

This.

Move out and get some therapy, OP. Figure out why you wasted so much time on this guy and even moved in. Fix your picker and don’t date for at least 6-12 months, be on your own.

Work on your career, supporting a large family is expensive.

This guy isn’t that into you and doesn’t share your goals. Why are you clinging to this relationship? What were things like with your dad growing up? Are you recreating some old pattern?

I believe this is known as cutting off your nose to spite your face.

She's 26 now. You want her to wait a year to date. Assume it takes +2 years to find someone compatible. That makes her 29. Then, +3-4 years to get to a proposal. So then she's 33. +2 years to get married. 35. +1 year before trying to conceive. At 36, +1 year to successfully conceive. So at ~38 years old she might end up with one kid, with 4-5 to go.

All because she's bitter someone wouldn't rush into a marriage with someone in their mid-20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move on OP. At 26 don't spend more than a year or so dating before expecting a serious commitment.

This 34 year old is going to keep you hanging on for years. Time to dump him and move on. If he doesn't know after 3 years at his age, he's not going to marry you. No reason to waste your time.

You expect someone to propose after one **year**?

What year do you think this is?

[Anonymous]

He’s not that into you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m new here so please be kind.
I’m 26, and all my friends from high school and college are getting engaged and married. I’m currently overseas for a wedding of a close friend.

I can’t help but feel some jealousy, not maliciously, as my boyfriend of 3.5 years, who is 34, claims it's too early in our relationship and we should wait a few more years. However, I feel that 3.5 years is plenty of time, and I think he's avoiding any commitment despite saying that he does, leaving me worried about when he’ll want to get engaged.

My boyfriend earns a great salary, and we live together. He is genuinely the best partner I've ever had, and I believe he would be an excellent husband and father, and I thought I’d be married by now because I want at least 5 or 6 babies so I can’t wait much longer and am unsure what’s taking his so long.

I don’t want to leave and restart.
How much longer should I wait?

What should I do?

May be he is afraid of your 5-6 baby dream and trying to bring it down to 1-2 by marrying late? At 34 a 3.5 year long relationship is certainly long enough to put a ring on it.