Feeling left behind —— BF isn’t committing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn’t know after 3.5 years, he’s just not that into you and you should move on. I speak from experience. If you choose to waste any more time, that’s on you.

This.

Move out and get some therapy, OP. Figure out why you wasted so much time on this guy and even moved in. Fix your picker and don’t date for at least 6-12 months, be on your own.

Work on your career, supporting a large family is expensive.

This guy isn’t that into you and doesn’t share your goals. Why are you clinging to this relationship? What were things like with your dad growing up? Are you recreating some old pattern?

I believe this is known as cutting off your nose to spite your face.

She's 26 now. You want her to wait a year to date. Assume it takes +2 years to find someone compatible. That makes her 29. Then, +3-4 years to get to a proposal. So then she's 33. +2 years to get married. 35. +1 year before trying to conceive. At 36, +1 year to successfully conceive. So at ~38 years old she might end up with one kid, with 4-5 to go.

All because she's bitter someone wouldn't rush into a marriage with someone in their mid-20s.

You had me going til you said rush into marriage. It’s been 3.5 years. I never gave anyone a second month after I got serious about settling down if conversations weren’t heading towards marriage related issues. Certainly wouldn’t waste an entire year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move on OP. At 26 don't spend more than a year or so dating before expecting a serious commitment.

This 34 year old is going to keep you hanging on for years. Time to dump him and move on. If he doesn't know after 3 years at his age, he's not going to marry you. No reason to waste your time.

You expect someone to propose after one **year**?

What year do you think this is?

Yes. But I’m biased. I knew instantly that me and DH were gonna marry. He proposed after a few months. Now going on 15 yrs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, "engagements" are in my opinion a meaningless stage of life for people who have been exclusive for years and even are living together. Other than an excuse for a big ring?

Why get engaged then get married in a year? Was one of you not exclusive? What additional info do you get in that year?

It's bullsh#t.

Agreed. Dating is when you are seeing and talking to multiple men. Get engaged if you plan to exclusively have sex with one of them after they’ve promised to marry you. That’s what those terms meant in my day.

[Anonymous]

OP, move on. I was with a guy like this in his 30's when I was in my late 20s. We were best friends and he was TOTALLY comfortable. I wanted marriage. He didn't want to change anything. I finally had to dump him. It broke my heart and was one of the hardest things I ever did.

A year later, he was madly in love with someone else. A year after that, married. She got pregnant right away. They've been married now for 15 years and are very happy. The thing was, he just wasn't that into me. He was happy and comfortable, but not IN LOVE. I get it now and I see how happy he is with her and I don't blame him.

I blame myself for staying so long when I wanted more. I can't blame him for being happy and comfortable with me, just the way we were. If I wanted more, I needed to fine a man who also wanted more.

You can't make him want you that much. I'm sorry. Living together makes it worse because it is SO easy to be comfortable and let inertia make years disappear. You have to push HARD to get beyond that inertia and get what you really want.

I'm married now myself. I settled. He's not my great love and I never totally got over a few heartbreaks. But I don't for a minute regret breaking up with that long term boyfriend. I only regret that I stayed as long as I did when he had everything he wanted and I constantly was yearning for more. You can't make him want you as much as you want marriage. You have already given many years to him. Go for what you want if it is not what he wants.

[Anonymous]

I love the last persons story they shared. Helpful. He may be happy and comfortable. But not want marry you. Living together makes it harder to get out of. If anything, move out and date a short time longer but I truly believe women who move in without being engaged with a date are risking something - their future.

[Anonymous]

After 3.5 yrs it is not unreasonable to expect your boyfriend to be ready for marriage - - most especially since he is the older one here.

He likely does not think you are someone that he wants to settle down with or maybe he just likes being single and is not ready to give it up yet.

You may not want to wait much longer since you do want a large family in the future and to get that w/him you would want to start ideally soon - - before thirty.

Good luck!