Feeling left behind —— BF isn’t committing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is odd. Look at all the other posts on Dcum. Why would you want to rush into a marriage before you've had an opportunity to live together? That's how you end up as a topic of one of the other threads in the relationship forum.

Have you asked in those threads if they lived together? Odds are they did. I don’t know anyone who didn’t, usually for 2+ years, as a millennial. And it wasn’t some magic solution to heading off marital conflicts. Neither is not cohabitating of course.

[Anonymous]

Wait, is OP saying now they don't live together? But it says in the OP that they do?

"My boyfriend earns a great salary, and we live together."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is odd. Look at all the other posts on Dcum. Why would you want to rush into a marriage before you've had an opportunity to live together? That's how you end up as a topic of one of the other threads in the relationship forum.

Have you asked in those threads if they lived together? Odds are they did. I don’t know anyone who didn’t, usually for 2+ years, as a millennial. And it wasn’t some magic solution to heading off marital conflicts. Neither is not cohabitating of course.

Women here have reported having more children with men who are not caring for existing children. A red flag is a warning sign. An existing deadbeat is what the red flag signals. If women are ignoring the actual thing, we can assume many more are also disregarding or minimizing the red flags signaling a potential deadbeat. Children doesn't deserve deadbeat abusive fathers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, is OP saying now they don't live together? But it says in the OP that they do?

"My boyfriend earns a great salary, and we live together."

I think OP is probably a troll, judging from the follow up responses.

If OP is real, she is never getting married to this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If he doesn’t know after 3.5 years, he’s just not that into you and you should move on. I speak from experience. If you choose to waste any more time, that’s on you.

This.

Move out and get some therapy, OP. Figure out why you wasted so much time on this guy and even moved in. Fix your picker and don’t date for at least 6-12 months, be on your own.

Work on your career, supporting a large family is expensive.

This guy isn’t that into you and doesn’t share your goals. Why are you clinging to this relationship? What were things like with your dad growing up? Are you recreating some old pattern?

I believe this is known as cutting off your nose to spite your face.

She's 26 now. You want her to wait a year to date. Assume it takes +2 years to find someone compatible. That makes her 29. Then, +3-4 years to get to a proposal. So then she's 33. +2 years to get married. 35. +1 year before trying to conceive. At 36, +1 year to successfully conceive. So at ~38 years old she might end up with one kid, with 4-5 to go.

All because she's bitter someone wouldn't rush into a marriage with someone in their mid-20s.

Your timeline is ridiculous. Grownups don't take 3-4 years to determine if they want to marry someone or not.

The ones that don't want to get divorced in 5 years do.

Hmm, I was 30 when I met my husband (who was also 30). Within a year we knew we would get married and he proposed shortly thereafter. We've been married very happily for 15 years. I have many similar stories of friends' marriages, would you like them?

Want stories of divorces after a few years of marriage?

Did you feel the air as the point whooshed right over your head?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is odd. Look at all the other posts on Dcum. Why would you want to rush into a marriage before you've had an opportunity to live together? That's how you end up as a topic of one of the other threads in the relationship forum.

Have you asked in those threads if they lived together? Odds are they did. I don’t know anyone who didn’t, usually for 2+ years, as a millennial. And it wasn’t some magic solution to heading off marital conflicts. Neither is not cohabitating of course.

My husband and I didn't live together before we got married. Logistics regarding our two places meant it wasn't a reality but we spent plenty of time at each other's places. We're young Gen Xers (almost millennials).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am the youngest of five which is why I want my own big family. He makes a very high salary, one that’s definitely high enough to support five or six kids, so that isn’t really the issue. I also have a very supporting high earning family.

But, I recently moved in with him, a few months ago, I’m not even fully moved in, so I could still move back out.

I’m hesitant to leave because social relationships (friends or boyfriends) are honestly very mentally exhausting and hard to maintain for me (I feel really shy and drained) especially when new, but after 3.5 years, I feel so comfortable that it would be so hard to leave.

It sounds like you think of him as a bank account to allow you to have a massive family. I would avoid marrying you as well.

[Anonymous]

I mean you need to start having babies NOW unless you want to be pregnant every year at a later stage in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, is OP saying now they don't live together? But it says in the OP that they do?

"My boyfriend earns a great salary, and we live together."

That's recent. And she hasn't fully moved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean you need to start having babies NOW unless you want to be pregnant every year at a later stage in life.

No one is going to give her 6 kids unless she becomes a Mormon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't want to settle down, which is why he purposely picked a much younger woman.

Don't let him waste your youth! If you want marriage and kids, he is TELLING YOU he's not the one.

Don't let a boyfriend stop you from finding your husband.

That's the attitude that will leave you with neither.

[Anonymous]

As someone from a family of five I can't imagine growing up from that and thinking "this would be a good choice". Like I love my siblings but boy was 5 kids a lot and definitely a lot on mom and dad. None of my siblings has more than two.

[Anonymous]

OP, "engagements" are in my opinion a meaningless stage of life for people who have been exclusive for years and even are living together. Other than an excuse for a big ring?

Why get engaged then get married in a year? Was one of you not exclusive? What additional info do you get in that year?

It's bullsh#t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone from a family of five I can't imagine growing up from that and thinking "this would be a good choice". Like I love my siblings but boy was 5 kids a lot and definitely a lot on mom and dad. None of my siblings has more than two.

Don't underestimate how much being rich helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, "engagements" are in my opinion a meaningless stage of life for people who have been exclusive for years and even are living together. Other than an excuse for a big ring?

Why get engaged then get married in a year? Was one of you not exclusive? What additional info do you get in that year?

It's bullsh#t.

If you want to do a wedding, they take a while to plan. And they can be expensive.