Feeling left behind —— BF isn’t committing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he's a rich guy who tries to date younger women, and not settle.

Yes, unfortunately, this. Also, have you told him you want 5 to 6 kids? That might be something he doesn't want. At 34 and still unmarried, he might not really want any kids. He might date younger women who he believes aren't ready for kids. What is his dating history?

All questions that can provide some clarity.

[Anonymous]

I don't know the guy so going somewhat blind here, but I would consider moving on if I were you. This is a high earning guy who is dating someone much younger and has no intention of settling down. You guys started dating when you were 22 and he was 30. Sorry but that is a huge age difference at that age, and mature 30 year old men do not date out of college girls.

Do you work? Are you independent or depend on him and/or your family? Have you guys discussed number of kids and is he enthusiastic about it (vs just saying yeah sure sounds good)?

You are still so young. Look at the sunk cost fallacy. Do not consider the last 3.5 years in your decision, and only look to the future. Every day you spend with this guy, his power increases and yours decreases since you want to start a family early.

[Anonymous]

Also, have you told him you want 5 to 6 kids?

Is it even conceivable that she would not make him aware she wants 5 to 6 kids?

That might be something he doesn't want.

She should already know if he wants 5 or 6 kids. It's 3+ years into a relationship and she wants marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know the guy so going somewhat blind here, but I would consider moving on if I were you. This is a high earning guy who is dating someone much younger and has no intention of settling down. You guys started dating when you were 22 and he was 30. Sorry but that is a huge age difference at that age, and mature 30 year old men do not date out of college girls.

Do you work? Are you independent or depend on him and/or your family? Have you guys discussed number of kids and is he enthusiastic about it (vs just saying yeah sure sounds good)?

You are still so young. Look at the sunk cost fallacy. Do not consider the last 3.5 years in your decision, and only look to the future. Every day you spend with this guy, his power increases and yours decreases since you want to start a family early.

All of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn’t know after 3.5 years, he’s just not that into you and you should move on. I speak from experience. If you choose to waste any more time, that’s on you.

Mel Robbins’ book and pod series “Let Them” was created for people like you. He’s told you how he feels. Believe him and act accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know the guy so going somewhat blind here, but I would consider moving on if I were you. This is a high earning guy who is dating someone much younger and has no intention of settling down. You guys started dating when you were 22 and he was 30. Sorry but that is a huge age difference at that age, and mature 30 year old men do not date out of college girls.

Do you work? Are you independent or depend on him and/or your family? Have you guys discussed number of kids and is he enthusiastic about it (vs just saying yeah sure sounds good)?

You are still so young. Look at the sunk cost fallacy. Do not consider the last 3.5 years in your decision, and only look to the future. Every day you spend with this guy, his power increases and yours decreases since you want to start a family early.

This. All of this.

The age gap isn’t huge, but it’s extremely telling. Both about the age you started dating (he is an immature creeper for dating you at 22) and also the age he is now to not be engaged.

Also, you sound really immature. 26 and think you’re going to have 5-6 kids. You mention his money. You mention your family money. But no mention of your plan to make money. You’re clearly looking for the mommy path instead of taking control of your own life. Only little girls think that way.

And you’re not really moved in yet? I bet if you asked him, you don’t actually live together, you just spend the night there a lot because you dont have your own real apartment (live with parents still?? Am I right??).

Best case scenario: you give him an ultimatum, he says yes, you marry him and churn out babies which his immature self resents and doesn’t contribute to, except money. After ten years, he’s either cheating on you or just otherwise completely checked out of the marriage (remember, he’s an immature guy who’s clearly indifferent to marriage and kids) so you want to get divorced. But surprise!! You haven’t worked since 2025 and you’re completely dependent on his money. So you’re posting on dcum asking how much alimony do you get for a ten year marriage where you’ve never worked.

Please move on from this guy and work on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Troll post.

[Anonymous]

Get fully moved in and give it 6 months without any pressure. If nothing happens by then, start your plan to move on. He likely considers moving in the next step and is waiting to see how that goes. Should he propose, I would keep the engagement period short. Be more focused on being married, than a grand wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll post.

Reads like one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t live with someone you aren’t engaged to.

You are still very young, but old enough to know what you want. He is certainly old enough to know what he wants. If you’re not engaged after 3+ years, it’s not going to happen. I know it’s hard, but in your shoes I would move out and move on.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5 or 6 babies? Gurl, maybe your BF senses you are ridiculous.

+1. He's waiting to see if you mature. 5-6 kids is genuinely crazy.

[Anonymous]

After almost four years an engagement or marriage isn’t on the horizon.

He’s already getting to play house with you.

I’d move out, get my own place & end that situationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am the youngest of five which is why I want my own big family. He makes a very high salary, one that’s definitely high enough to support five or six kids, so that isn’t really the issue. I also have a very supporting high earning family.

But, I recently moved in with him, a few months ago, I’m not even fully moved in, so I could still move back out.

I’m hesitant to leave because social relationships (friends or boyfriends) are honestly very mentally exhausting and hard to maintain for me (I feel really shy and drained) especially when new, but after 3.5 years, I feel so comfortable that it would be so hard to leave.

You're 26 and you just moved in together. He's wait to see if something breaks. You're still young enough that what you want and how you act will change. Moving in together changes dynamics as well, which won't be clear for a year or two. I think it is unreasonable to expect a proposal until you at least hit the one-year mark.

Similarly, you might not yet be established in your career. That can change a lot of things too.

[Anonymous]

Don’t live with someone you aren’t engaged to.

Absolutely live with someone before deciding to spend your life with them.

[Anonymous]

Tell him you changed your mind about moving in because of the lack of commitment and move back out. If he gives you a shut-her-up ring, tell him you're only moving forward if he wants to set a date in less than a year.