Feeling left behind —— BF isn’t committing

[Anonymous]

There's lots of bad advice in this thread, probably from old, divorced women who got married too young.

At 26, you're too young. And 3 years is just started to get close to the length of time past the honeymoon period of the relationship to even begin to see if you're compatible long-term.

Are there guys out there willing to get married sooner? Yes, they're called future ex-husbands. Or Mormons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's lots of bad advice in this thread, probably from old, divorced women who got married too young.

At 26, you're too young. And 3 years is just started to get close to the length of time past the honeymoon period of the relationship to even begin to see if you're compatible long-term.

Are there guys out there willing to get married sooner? Yes, they're called future ex-husbands. Or Mormons.

I'm happily married and now 40. Got married at 27. Not Mormon, or Evangelical, or Muslim, or any other religion that pushes teen marriage.

I think if your mid-30s boyfriend of 3.5 years is telling you he wants to wait more YEARS to get engaged, he doesn't think you're his future wife. He doesn't feel lucky to have you, he's not worried about losing you. Time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am the youngest of five which is why I want my own big family. He makes a very high salary, one that’s definitely high enough to support five or six kids, so that isn’t really the issue. I also have a very supporting high earning family.

But, I recently moved in with him, a few months ago, I’m not even fully moved in, so I could still move back out.

I’m hesitant to leave because social relationships (friends or boyfriends) are honestly very mentally exhausting and hard to maintain for me (I feel really shy and drained) especially when new, but after 3.5 years, I feel so comfortable that it would be so hard to leave.

It is really stupid to move in together under these circumstances.

You should move in only after you get engaged.

He’s 34 and he doesn’t want to get married. He’s telling you he wants to wait a few years which puts him close to 40. This is not a man who wants marriage and kids. He’s just telling you what you want to hear.

[Anonymous]

Move out. Tell him you want marriage and you do not want to wait 3 years. Then leave him. You are wasting time on him, especially if you are really interested in being a mom to 5 kids. He is not ready. Waiting till he may be ready is foolish. Find someone on your timeline. Trust your gut. Do not be scared to start again. Otherwise you may be divorced when he figures out he is not interested in being a daddy to 5 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him you changed your mind about moving in because of the lack of commitment and move back out. If he gives you a shut-her-up ring, tell him you're only moving forward if he wants to set a date in less than a year.

She wants children. 5+ children.

If he is not already communicating his desire and ability to father and raise children with her, it is over. It's not ultimatum time. It's over.

[Anonymous]

Otherwise you may be divorced when he figures out he is not interested in being a daddy to 5 kids.

That or miserable with 3 kids and a miserable spouse who isn't interested in being a father.

[Anonymous]

3.5 years is plenty long enough to date even if you were both 26. But he’s older so he’s definitely on the clock. He’s a commitment-phobe. I would move out and move on. Sorry this happened to you. Btw I got engaged at 24 and married at 25 and am now 42 and still married. This was typical of mid-range and older Millennials and older generations and had nothing to do with being religious conservative or not. So don’t let people tell you you’re too young to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him you changed your mind about moving in because of the lack of commitment and move back out. If he gives you a shut-her-up ring, tell him you're only moving forward if he wants to set a date in less than a year.

She wants children. 5+ children.

If he is not already communicating his desire and ability to father and raise children with her, it is over. It's not ultimatum time. It's over.

Agree with this. They have a comfortable enough relationship but are not truly in love, and do not want the same things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t live with someone you aren’t engaged to.

You are still very young, but old enough to know what you want. He is certainly old enough to know what he wants. If you’re not engaged after 3+ years, it’s not going to happen. I know it’s hard, but in your shoes I would move out and move on.

+1. Do not waste one more day on this guy. He’s just not that into you.

And next time, do not shack up without a ring and a date.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am the youngest of five which is why I want my own big family. He makes a very high salary, one that’s definitely high enough to support five or six kids, so that isn’t really the issue. I also have a very supporting high earning family.

But, I recently moved in with him, a few months ago, I’m not even fully moved in, so I could still move back out.

I’m hesitant to leave because social relationships (friends or boyfriends) are honestly very mentally exhausting and hard to maintain for me (I feel really shy and drained) especially when new, but after 3.5 years, I feel so comfortable that it would be so hard to leave.

You’re not mature enough to be married OP. I can tell from this post alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he's a rich guy who tries to date younger women, and not settle.

Also, you're the baby of five and also young, do you really know what it takes to have a large family nowadays?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he's a rich guy who tries to date younger women, and not settle.

Also, you're the baby of five and also young, do you really know what it takes to have a large family nowadays?

This! Like a lot of things,a big family is more work and less fun when you're the mom.

[Anonymous]

I listen to your reasons for wanting to get married and they seem to boil down to:

1) It’s time; and
2) He’s loaded.

You say he’s the best partner you have ever had (in your very limited experience) but you never really describe what it is that you love about him beyond a checklist.

My sweet, summer child: He sees that, too. What do you really have to offer except youth and presumably beauty? And just because he CAN afford 5-6 children in no way means he wants half a football team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ultimatum time! Give him 3 months and then leave. In their mid 30s, guys propose quick, so 3.5 years is more than enough.

+1 but not for a ring, for a wedding date
And then follow through

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn’t know after 3.5 years, he’s just not that into you and you should move on. I speak from experience. If you choose to waste any more time, that’s on you.

Mel Robbins’ book and pod series “Let Them” was created for people like you. He’s told you how he feels. Believe him and act accordingly.

The Mel Robbins schtick is so mid