Feeling left behind —— BF isn’t committing

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:How many husbands do you know who are fully competent fathers of 2+ children? Or any children for that matter?

guy here- answer, every single one of my friends

Haha The real question is would their wives agree with you?

+1. These are the 20% types who claim to do 80.

"I rake the leaves!"*

*1x/year

People like you are so insufferable. Just because you married the wrong guy, not everyone else did. My friends are phenomenal dads, they just are

Good to hear. All the studies beg to differ. Believe me or don't, it is what it is. Sorry that makes you mad (imagine how the wives feel).

Show me the studies that say that no men are competent fathers. I'll wait.

DP I think the issue is "most" men. Not all.

Most men are good or at least competent fathers. Those who are not are the exception, just like most women are good or competent mothers, but there's certainly a subset of shitty ones out there.

[Anonymous]

Girlllll
Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Don’t live with someone you aren’t engaged to.

Absolutely live with someone before deciding to spend your life with them.

Yes, but only once you’re engaged. -NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Don’t live with someone you aren’t engaged to.

Absolutely live with someone before deciding to spend your life with them.

Yes, but only once you’re engaged. -NP

Engagement is after you've decided to spend your life with someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Don’t live with someone you aren’t engaged to.

Absolutely live with someone before deciding to spend your life with them.

Yes, but only once you’re engaged. -NP

No, before you're engaged. You don't know if it's a good idea to get married until after you live together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Don’t live with someone you aren’t engaged to.

Absolutely live with someone before deciding to spend your life with them.

Yes, but only once you’re engaged. -NP

No, before you're engaged. You don't know if it's a good idea to get married until after you live together.

+1

Do you plan on raising children with this person? Having never even cohabitated?

I would not share responsibility for a dog with this person.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read the whole thread… Feeling shy and drained is a sign of introversion. Many many children do not lend themselves well to that scenario. even one super outgoing child is exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am the youngest of five which is why I want my own big family. He makes a very high salary, one that’s definitely high enough to support five or six kids, so that isn’t really the issue. I also have a very supporting high earning family.

But, I recently moved in with him, a few months ago, I’m not even fully moved in, so I could still move back out.

I’m hesitant to leave because social relationships (friends or boyfriends) are honestly very mentally exhausting and hard to maintain for me (I feel really shy and drained) especially when new, but after 3.5 years, I feel so comfortable that it would be so hard to leave.

Leave now. It will be harder later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read the whole thread… Feeling shy and drained is a sign of introversion. Many many children do not lend themselves well to that scenario. even one super outgoing child is exhausting.

+1. Given this info, I have no idea why OP would want so many kids. Or maybe she thinks they’ll be her safe space and she won’t need much outside engagement with anyone other than her DH, kids and parents/siblings and their kids. Kind of like the Kardashians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am the youngest of five which is why I want my own big family. He makes a very high salary, one that’s definitely high enough to support five or six kids, so that isn’t really the issue. I also have a very supporting high earning family.

But, I recently moved in with him, a few months ago, I’m not even fully moved in, so I could still move back out.

I’m hesitant to leave because social relationships (friends or boyfriends) are honestly very mentally exhausting and hard to maintain for me (I feel really shy and drained) especially when new, but after 3.5 years, I feel so comfortable that it would be so hard to leave.

Leave now. It will be harder later.

+1

These are your peak years and you are wasting them on a 34 year old who thinks your relationship of 3 years is too short.

He's not serious. Move out and move on if you want to get started on those kids you want.

Use birth control until you get married. The kids coming first WILL NOT cement your marriage the way you think they will

[Anonymous]

You most definitely aren't having 5 or 6 kids at this point so let that ship sail. Most men don't want that if you aren't Mormon or very very Catholic.

Definitely dump this guy and move on.

[Anonymous]

Move on. Ive been there and done that. This guy will waste your youth and fertility. Find a guy who is onnthe same page as you are regarding a large family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

To answer a few questions:

- We’ve discussed children, and he has stated that he wants three children from the start, so we could definitely work on a compromise.

- Regarding his dating history, his last relationship lasted for five years (ages 23-28), until he broke with her, because she cheated and was being unfaithful. He took a break for a couple years, until we met and started dating. He convinced me to move in with him. I didn’t really want too since we were dating and my parents didn’t want me to either yet, even though they like him and think I should stay, but I chose to.

- I work and have additional financial support from my parents, who also assist my siblings that have their own families and careers, so no I’m not financially dependent on him.

I’m planning on having a conservation and talking to him about this, because I want confirmation of his true feelings about marriage, without signaling that I’m thinking of leaving if he isn’t ready soon.

I’ll update on how it goes.

You have your answer right there. His last serious relationship ended after 5 years. You're at 3. Presumably at the three year mark in that relationship he thought things were going to work out. But they didn't.

Huh? I got something totally different out of that. Sounds like his ex got tired of waiting and found something else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"He convinced me to move in with him. I didn’t really want too since we were dating and my parents didn’t want me to either yet, even though they like him and think I should stay, but I chose to."

So he wants to live with you? Move out and explain that you think it was a mistake to live together before marriage.

The advice here is shockingly bad. Refusing to live together before marriage is a huge red flag. What do you need to hide?

Men don't particularly want to live with together, but it's a way to do a trial run before marriage.

Um no to this.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:There's lots of bad advice in this thread, probably from old, divorced women who got married too young.

At 26, you're too young. And 3 years is just started to get close to the length of time past the honeymoon period of the relationship to even begin to see if you're compatible long-term.

Are there guys out there willing to get married sooner? Yes, they're called future ex-husbands. Or Mormons.

I'm happily married and now 40. Got married at 27. Not Mormon, or Evangelical, or Muslim, or any other religion that pushes teen marriage.

I think if your mid-30s boyfriend of 3.5 years is telling you he wants to wait more YEARS to get engaged, he doesn't think you're his future wife. He doesn't feel lucky to have you, he's not worried about losing you. Time to move on.

You're older. Younger people want to make sure a future spouse isn't going to go crazy before getting married. 3 months of partially living together isn't enough time for that.

They’ve been dating more than long enough. And my age is not relevant. These things haven’t changed since 2012.

They absolutely have, particularly in people trying to establish careers.

And no, obviously three years isn't enough. Just look at his last relationship failing after 5 years. They haven't been living together very long, either, which means they don't know how their dynamics will change yet.

And the op is 26 and still living off her parents. She's still maturing, which will certainly change things. Maybe for the better, maybe worse. But that's the problem- there's no way to know yet.

A relationship failing after 5 years only proves he’s a time-waster. He didn’t want to marry his ex either.

And of course no, things have not changed for young professionals since 2012 and you’re grasping at straws to suggest that’s relevant.

I can't tell if you think you're being helpful or are intentionally trying to sabotage the OP. But anyone still being supported by their parents is still a kid. And you don't marry kids.

Oh please this isn’t even true. Women aren’t even supposed to work and married for centuries without ever working. Women that work have only even been around the last 10 yrs or less and now it’s some requirement for marriage? Yeah it’s not