stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!

[Anonymous]

Can't wait until OP has to address wedding invitations and has to
learn etiquette.

[Anonymous]

It's really not hard to just write "Jane and John Doe" instead of "Mr. And Mrs. John Doe." I'm with you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really not hard to just write "Jane and John Doe" instead of "Mr. And Mrs. John Doe." I'm with you, OP.

"The [Name] Family" is fine too.

My sister totally called out the fact that Mom and Dad would get letters to "Dr. And Mrs. Name" but not once has she gotten a letter to "Mr. And Dr. Name"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But if that were true you would t feel it necessary to blast a PSA to a random message board. You’d just address it (again) with your family and not assume that your personal stance in deciding to take offense at a standard etiquette practice is shared by all. It isn’t. You just happen to be offended by this and your own relatives won’t listen to your preferences so you are venting on DCUM as though this is a universal issue.

The standard etiquette practice is to call people what they wished to be called, not what you think they should be called. Also, can you not think if any etiquette practices that used to be standard but are now seen as archaic and outdated? Do you always find evolution so difficult?

You've got it the directions wrong. Evolution is supposed to ensure the survival of the species by making us stronger, faster, better. I don't see how worrying about this stuff or making it so where people have to remember (or at least write down) 150 individualized naming conventions for 100 different people (can't forget the 2 spirits!) makes us stronger and better as a people.

Also, my 3-year old would like his Christmas Cards addressed to Sir T-Rex Vader, Defender of the Galaxy. Please feel free to follow your standard etiquette practice as you see fit.

Because the point of Christmas cards is to reinforce social bonds, and when you refuse to use someone's name and insist on calling them by the wrong name, it actually weakens those bonds. Consider why you send the cards, when you're waving your hands about how much hassle it is to just change the spreadsheet when someone asks you to call them by their correct name.

I think it would be very cute if someone addressed a card to Sir T-Rex Vader - that would show that they actually know and listen to your kid. But if they simply use his actual name instead, it's hard to see why that's a problem. The card is going to the adults anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.

Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.

But if that were true you would t feel it necessary to blast a PSA to a random message board. You’d just address it (again) with your family and not assume that your personal stance in deciding to take offense at a standard etiquette practice is shared by all. It isn’t. You just happen to be offended by this and your own relatives won’t listen to your preferences so you are venting on DCUM as though this is a universal issue.

There is no point in addressing it again with them because we've addressed it multiple times and today the card addressed to Mr and Mrs husband's first name arrived again like clockwork. I don't have endless tolerance, or endless hope, and I also don't have any reason to believe that this is the time - it really really is! - they'll just update the stupid spreadsheet.

So I'm venting here. Not "blasting" anyone - what an overblown word! - just venting a little bit. And also perhaps asking people to consider whether they are addressing people in the way that people want to be addressed - and if not, why they persist in this stupid habit of erasing women's identity like this. It's one little thing, and it's annoying.

Some people like tradition. And yes, it's one little thing... open the envelope, look at the card and be glad that someone took the time to remember your family.

People who like tradition feel the same way about people who want to destroy all traditions. You chip and chip and chip away at social norms. It gets old and finally, we end up with people who feel it is "emotional labor" to engage with family members, who refuse to host, who refuse to cook a holiday meal, etc. because they feel it is oppression. Everyone ends up worse off, even the harpy.

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one cares about your last name. Get a hobby.

Unfortunately DCUM is my hobby, so

lol!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't wait until OP has to address wedding invitations and has to
learn etiquette.

This is OP and I've been married for 15 years. Gd willing, I will never address another wedding invitation. And no, my invitations were. not sent to Mr and Mrs husband's first name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many of you who explain your actions as "tradition" believe in equality between men and women?

Explain your actions? I don’t think any of us are advocating to ignore OP’s preferences like her relatives did. I’m a traditionalist though in how I like to be addressed. I believe in equal rights and that the sexes are equally valuable, but I also recognize that men and women are different.

[Anonymous]

I have my doctorate. My husband does not. I had a major laugh when a private school sent us a letter to Mr. and Dr. John Doe. Sorry, but no. My degree doesn’t transfer to my husband by virtue of marriage….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't wait until OP has to address wedding invitations and has to
learn etiquette.

Not OP and have been married 12 years and we did all of our invites as Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe.

Or Mr. Jack Black and Ms. Sally Smith.

Or Mr. Jack Black and Mr. John Doe (because we had quite a few gay couples, which, gasp, would also not be covered by “traditional etiquette”)

Just no. Stop.

[Anonymous]

Ha ha well joke's on me because we got another two cards addressed to Mr and Mrs husband's first name today. They are all from people who live in the same geographical area, who know my husband through his parents and sibling.

I am just going to write off this whole area as a bunch of backwards, well-meaning weirdos and try not to give this any more thought.

[Anonymous]

Our family is fine with getting a card addressed to The Smith Family. However, we do have a few friends whose last names differ. I use:
Joe Smith, Susan Jones, and Family
I don't find that it's really all that hard for Excel to manage the label

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha well joke's on me because we got another two cards addressed to Mr and Mrs husband's first name today. They are all from people who live in the same geographical area, who know my husband through his parents and sibling.

I am just going to write off this whole area as a bunch of backwards, well-meaning weirdos and try not to give this any more thought.

So weird! Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women that keep their last name are obnoxious

The two part last name are kinda’ obnoxious too.

My sister did that and still does as a divorced woman

What are the rules on that ?
Anyone know?

Ha! Why must the two hyphenated names to be nearly impossible to spell and or pronounce? Examples:

Rajakowski-Ptolemaicfeldszein

Settlemejeirdotter-Itbanisk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But if that were true you would t feel it necessary to blast a PSA to a random message board. You’d just address it (again) with your family and not assume that your personal stance in deciding to take offense at a standard etiquette practice is shared by all. It isn’t. You just happen to be offended by this and your own relatives won’t listen to your preferences so you are venting on DCUM as though this is a universal issue.

The standard etiquette practice is to call people what they wished to be called, not what you think they should be called. Also, can you not think if any etiquette practices that used to be standard but are now seen as archaic and outdated? Do you always find evolution so difficult?

You've got it the directions wrong. Evolution is supposed to ensure the survival of the species by making us stronger, faster, better. I don't see how worrying about this stuff or making it so where people have to remember (or at least write down) 150 individualized naming conventions for 100 different people (can't forget the 2 spirits!) makes us stronger and better as a people.

Also, my 3-year old would like his Christmas Cards addressed to Sir T-Rex Vader, Defender of the Galaxy. Please feel free to follow your standard etiquette practice as you see fit.

If I were his aunt, I would be happy to oblige. And enjoy making him happy.