stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.

Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.

OP your title is not going to generate productive responses here.

But I get it - I don't really care for one-off interactions or my DH's elderly relatives who are not going to change. But there are a couple peer-age ppl who have been told multiple times and should know and at some point it is just rude.

This is OP - and for sure, I would not give this two thoughts if it were elderly relatives. These people are younger than we are!

I was annoyed for a moment, vented for a moment, now I'm over it - till next year.

When younger people do the “Mr and Mrs Joe Smith,” they think they’re being very fancy/Emily Post.

Usually they are actually clueless, as the most polite thing is to address people how they want to be addressed!

These people aren't young - they're just younger than we are. Totally agree about the reasoning for many people. Class anxiety, wanting to be seen as "proper" = thinking this is just how it's done. I don't know if that's why this couple defaults to such an old fashioned and out of date - and incorrect! - mode. But they have educations, a good income, all that, and we've asked them to change how they do it for us - so I kind of think it's on them at this point. But I also don't expect them to change. I just get irritated every year, then it's over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.

Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.

OP your title is not going to generate productive responses here.

But I get it - I don't really care for one-off interactions or my DH's elderly relatives who are not going to change. But there are a couple peer-age ppl who have been told multiple times and should know and at some point it is just rude.

This is OP - and for sure, I would not give this two thoughts if it were elderly relatives. These people are younger than we are!

I was annoyed for a moment, vented for a moment, now I'm over it - till next year.

When younger people do the “Mr and Mrs Joe Smith,” they think they’re being very fancy/Emily Post.

Usually they are actually clueless, as the most polite thing is to address people how they want to be addressed!

These people aren't young - they're just younger than we are. Totally agree about the reasoning for many people. Class anxiety, wanting to be seen as "proper" = thinking this is just how it's done. I don't know if that's why this couple defaults to such an old fashioned and out of date - and incorrect! - mode. But they have educations, a good income, all that, and we've asked them to change how they do it for us - so I kind of think it's on them at this point. But I also don't expect them to change. I just get irritated every year, then it's over again.

This is really condescending

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't even take his last name let alone his first name. Just send it to him alone if you don't care to know or acknowledge that.

ANYWAY

Nope. This is the traditional way to address a card. You chose a nontraditional route and can't expect people to keep track.

does a pigeon still deliver those cards for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.

Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.

OP your title is not going to generate productive responses here.

But I get it - I don't really care for one-off interactions or my DH's elderly relatives who are not going to change. But there are a couple peer-age ppl who have been told multiple times and should know and at some point it is just rude.

This is OP - and for sure, I would not give this two thoughts if it were elderly relatives. These people are younger than we are!

I was annoyed for a moment, vented for a moment, now I'm over it - till next year.

When younger people do the “Mr and Mrs Joe Smith,” they think they’re being very fancy/Emily Post.

Usually they are actually clueless, as the most polite thing is to address people how they want to be addressed!

These people aren't young - they're just younger than we are. Totally agree about the reasoning for many people. Class anxiety, wanting to be seen as "proper" = thinking this is just how it's done. I don't know if that's why this couple defaults to such an old fashioned and out of date - and incorrect! - mode. But they have educations, a good income, all that, and we've asked them to change how they do it for us - so I kind of think it's on them at this point. But I also don't expect them to change. I just get irritated every year, then it's over again.

This is really condescending

Yeah, I guess I could stop trying to understand why they do this dumb thing. You're right. There's no point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people are very busy and once they have address the cards they don’t go back to the spreadsheet for another year. Give grace.

Neither my cousin nor-best friend took their husband’s name. Both are fine when we address cards to first name and first name husband’s last name.
My brother lives with a female partner, it’s a lot to write out first name, last name & first name, last name … and how do I include his DC in that? First name, last name & first name, last name and each DC name or + family (are they a family?). If I write to the last name family, (The Jones Family), this seems incorrect also. His partner does not share his last name. It’s complicated.
My MIL was irritated when a relative did not address the Christmas card with Dr. as opposed Mr./Mrs., could not care less.

Why would you address your cousin and your best friend by names that you know aren't theirs, regardless of how "fine" you think they are with it?

B/c 20+ years ago when I first addressed a card to them as a married couple, I asked.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read everything. Team OP. This isn't difficult and it isn't 1950.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people are very busy and once they have address the cards they don’t go back to the spreadsheet for another year. Give grace.

Neither my cousin nor-best friend took their husband’s name. Both are fine when we address cards to first name and first name husband’s last name.
My brother lives with a female partner, it’s a lot to write out first name, last name & first name, last name … and how do I include his DC in that? First name, last name & first name, last name and each DC name or + family (are they a family?). If I write to the last name family, (The Jones Family), this seems incorrect also. His partner does not share his last name. It’s complicated.
My MIL was irritated when a relative did not address the Christmas card with Dr. as opposed Mr./Mrs., could not care less.

Why would you address your cousin and your best friend by names that you know aren't theirs, regardless of how "fine" you think they are with it?

B/c 20+ years ago when I first addressed a card to them as a married couple, I asked.

Why don't you try using the right names this year and then ask how they feel about that

[Anonymous]

Cards always manage to offend people in various ways. You are showing off your good times and that offends me. You are showing off your happy family, trips, children... You only pictured children but I'm friends with the adults, I want to see the adults not the children. The children are ugly, too beautiful, trying to do something funny, doing something overdone. I hate the matching outfits, I hate the long letters, they didn't say anything about their lives whats the point, they didn't include a personal note, it said Merry Christmas, it said Happy Holidays, they didn't write my kids names and I want them included in the address, they addressed us by one last name, they are wasting paper and should email, email is so lame, they were late and NYE cards are lame, they made it political, they showed their pets, they didn't put their pets....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people are very busy and once they have address the cards they don’t go back to the spreadsheet for another year. Give grace.

Neither my cousin nor-best friend took their husband’s name. Both are fine when we address cards to first name and first name husband’s last name.
My brother lives with a female partner, it’s a lot to write out first name, last name & first name, last name … and how do I include his DC in that? First name, last name & first name, last name and each DC name or + family (are they a family?). If I write to the last name family, (The Jones Family), this seems incorrect also. His partner does not share his last name. It’s complicated.
My MIL was irritated when a relative did not address the Christmas card with Dr. as opposed Mr./Mrs., could not care less.

Why would you address your cousin and your best friend by names that you know aren't theirs, regardless of how "fine" you think they are with it?

B/c 20+ years ago when I first addressed a card to them as a married couple, I asked.

Why don't you try using the right names this year and then ask how they feel about that

10000+ exactly!!

You asked them you could call them names other than their preferred names?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't even take his last name let alone his first name. Just send it to him alone if you don't care to know or acknowledge that.

ANYWAY

I’ve never had a strong opinion on this but yes I think that would be annoying in this day and age.

[Anonymous]

Cranky much? Why not laugh at it and move on? You’re truly fortunate if this is worth your time and effort to be overly upset upset by this.

[Anonymous]

Personally I like being addressed as Mr & Mrs [DH first and last name, III] and think it’s charming, but only because it is the exception to the norm, and not an expectation. Also I am an immigrant with a totally foreign legal name which I did not change, so that plays a part

[Anonymous]

Just got a wedding invite from a 30 year old cousin addressed to us (mid to late 40s) as Mr. and Mrs. DH First DH Last. I go by Dr. DW First Name DH Last Name.

I was really surprised for people this young. I admit it bothered me and I was disappointed that this hasn't changed completely in the younger generation.

I could deal way better with the Mrs. if I had my own first name!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cards always manage to offend people in various ways. You are showing off your good times and that offends me. You are showing off your happy family, trips, children... You only pictured children but I'm friends with the adults, I want to see the adults not the children. The children are ugly, too beautiful, trying to do something funny, doing something overdone. I hate the matching outfits, I hate the long letters, they didn't say anything about their lives whats the point, they didn't include a personal note, it said Merry Christmas, it said Happy Holidays, they didn't write my kids names and I want them included in the address, they addressed us by one last name, they are wasting paper and should email, email is so lame, they were late and NYE cards are lame, they made it political, they showed their pets, they didn't put their pets....

This is a great summary! Well done, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I get it ..

The Christmas cards we've received for this year have been addressed to us as follows

Mr and Mrs LAST NAME
The LAST NAME's

This is OP - and honestly I wouldn't LOVE these but they wouldn't irk me to the degree it does being addressed as Mrs husband's first name.

I absolutely understand.
Are you comfortable with giving them a gentle reminder that your last name differs from that of your husband?


Some older more traditional generations have a hard time with things..

Np here, but if someone reached out to tell me they don’t like how I addressed their Christmas card, I’m happy to spare them the trouble of receiving one in the future.

I can’t imagine having any feelings at all about how Aunt Glenda addressed her holiday card to me. My sense of self does not depend on how other people address me.

I understand..